Thursday, November 29, 2007
Amy Winehouse Round-Up: On A Slow News Day, Alison Moyet Shames Us All
12:09PM Clem Bastow | There’s not much genuine Winegums news to report today, other than that she attended a doctor’s appointment and has been advised to re-enter rehab.
So, at times like this, the press turn to peers and predecessors to provide the quotes – and hasn’t UK chanteuse Alison Moyet come up with a doozy.
We’d be heading to bed with no pudding if Alison had anything to do with it.
Aged 46, and with over 25 years in the music business, Moyet said she would not want to be in her 20s again, or step into Winehouse’s shoes.
“I was a miserable, neurotic soul in my 20s. Now I am still happily married, I’ve the kids and I’m healthy – I’m very content.
“There has always been a drug scene in the business. I can’t deny I took drugs, but in those days we put it under the carpet. If you were found out, that was the end of your career.
“But now it’s seen as cause for celebration, and the press has been joyous about what’s happening to Amy Winehouse.
“They don’t want it to stop, or they would have nothing salacious to write about.”
You’ll forgive us while we go sit in the corner and hang our heads in shame while we think about what we’ve done.
We’re sorry, Alison. Please don’t hurt us. More » 
Sneaky Sound System Thank Albury For Its Hospitality The Rockstar Way
11:47AM Clem Bastow | ARIA-winners and clothes-shop-soundtrackers Sneaky Sound System have clearly let their skyrocketing profile go to their heads, trashing a regional hotel room during their seemingly endless tour of duty.
Apparently it wasn’t enough entertainment in Albury for the threesome to, perhaps, “do a Deany” and then throw someone through a shopfront window, and instead they decided to get all Led Zep on one half of the twin cities.
Chifley Hotel general manager Mark Munday told the local newspaper that the band “went overboard” while staying overnight following a music festival.
…Mr Munday told the local press that he had thought bands had grown out of trashing hotel rooms.
“Generally bands are pretty well behaved but they’ve trashed the room pretty much,” he said.
“Flyscreens were broken, one bed was broken, there was graffiti in the room – they really took to town.”
The damage bill was reportedly expected to come to $1000.
Presumably SSS wipe their bums with $1000 notes these days (yes, we know), since they’re like hot new artists and shiz.
Either way, we’re delighted to see that removing flyscreens is the new throwing the television into the pool.
“Man, I’m so fucking rock, I just want to let blowflies come in the window and crawl all over these naked groupies.”
Stellar work, Sneaky Sound System, stellar. More » 
Krystal To “Sleep” Her Way To Hollywood Fame
11:39AM Clem Bastow | Krystal Forscutt – ex-Big Brother “star” and funbags-accoutred, hard-hitting sex columnist – has given up on chasing the big microphone in the sky and decided an acting career is going to be more fruitful than her short-lived singing jaunt.
As you can see from our photo Krystal is obviously massively talented so as soon as David Lynch writes a film about a young woman who is the pod child of a man who had sex with a cantaloupe in a deserted army base in South America, she’s sure to be in line for that Oscar.
In the meantime…
Using every inch of her pnematic frame for fame, Forscutt has revealed she is hoping to “score the sort of girl-next-door type roles” normally reserved for leading ladies like her role model, Jessica Alba.
Mercifully giving up on her singing career after tanking on It Takes Two earlier this year, the pin-up told FHM she’s focussed now on a feature film career.
“It’s going to be a lot of hard work, a lot of castings and a lot of sleeping on people’s couches,” she said, prophetically.
Yes, we hear those casting couches are really comfortable – ho, ho, ho!
In all seriousness, though, has Krystal never watched America’s Next Top Model or MTV Spring Break? Where her ‘Kiss The Chef’-apron-style chest is something of a curiosity in Australia, reasonably pretty girls with a credit card boob job are a dime a dozen in Tinseltown.
We await her next career move with bated breath – research scientist, perhaps? More » 
Sarah Blasko Says Female Songwriters Need R.E.S.P.E.C.T
11:28AM Clem Bastow | Ethereal singer-songwriter Sarah Blasko has used Australian Musician’s women in music issue as a soapbox from which to decry the industry’s treatment of its female artists.
She reckons – rightly – that female artists are amalgamated as one soupy whole while the latest bloated, booze-soaked borer from the boys gets praised from the rooftops.
Blasko was voted the country’s most respected artist and finest live performer in a special Australian Musician magazine poll to turn the lights on the achievements of Australia’s female musicians.
…Blasko said her contemporaries continued to struggle for the same recognition as male songwriters.
“I don’t think female writers are acknowledged in the same kind of way,” she said after learning the results of the poll.
“I think often they are lumped together. It’s looked upon as a genre – female singer/songwriter.
“Whereas I think it’s not really indicative of the diversity of female writers.”
Goodonya, Sarah, though we’re sure we don’t need to point out the irony of her having to use a “women in rock” feature to air such views.
In any case we’d much rather listen to “women’s music” (whatever the buggery that is) than another whining male troubadour who wants his ex-girlfriend back or an emo sook whose dad didn’t cough up enough pocket-money (etc). More » Nine Maternity Row: Network Boss Weighs In
11:17AM Clem Bastow | We told you yesterday about the latest bad blood brewing at the Nine network (reporter Christine Spiteri suing the station after she was sacked following maternity leave).
Now Nine bossman David Gyngell has thrown himself into the ring, chastising his head of news for that little “SBS” outburst – and yet, supporting the decision to sack Spiteri.
Why don’t you try SBS, boning, you name it – at least Nine are still the one when it comes to dreaming up hilarious industry catchphrases!
Network chief David Gyngell has labelled his own news boss “a f…ing idiot” for telling dumped reporter Christine Spiteri she would be better off at SBS.
Sources yesterday confirmed that Gyngell blasted news chief John Westacott for telling the Maltese reporter that “with a surname like Spiteri you should try SBS” as he told her her contract would not be renewed – while she was on maternity leave.
…While Gyngell yesterday blasted Westacott over his SBS comment, he is believed to have backed his decision.
“Gyngell is trying to put an end to all this business of people negotiating their contracts through fear – he’s drawing a line in the sand,” the source said.
Who to believe? While our inclination is to generally come out guns blazing on the side of girl power, maybe what the boss sez is true – perhaps, despite her devotion to the network, she really wasn’t cut out for being a newsreader (as that’s the word – she wanted it, they said she’d never make it).
In any case someone’s going to end up boned in this situation and then there’ll be tears before bedtime! More » 
‘Broadway Jake’ To Stretch Abilities With Role As Dreamy-Eyed Quarterback Hunk
8:15AM Defamer Hollywood | According to today’s Variety, the relentlessly versatile Jake Gyllenhaal will soon pad a resume filled with iconic turns as dreamy-eyed cowboy bottoms and disaffected, clothes-averse Marines by taking on the role of flamboyant Hall of Fame quarterback Joe Namath, who delighted NY sports fans of the 60s and 70s with his guaranteed Super Bowl victory, sideline modelling sessions of the latest in fur-coat fashions, and scene-stealing Brady Bunch cameos. More »Paris Hilton Dismisses All Those Silly Rumours About Sleeping Around With Alcoholic Elephants
8:00AM Defamer Hollywood | In case there was any lingering confusion about whether or not Paris Hilton did or did not offer a tearful plea on behalf of the plight of India’s pale-ale-addicted elephants, the celebrity heiress appeared on The Ellen DeGeneres Show today to dispel that rumor, and another involving an interest in cryogenics. More »
