Saturday, November 17, 2007
Personal Trainers Nervous About Beowulf’s Breathrough Belly-Eliminating Technology
9:30AM Defamer Hollywood | There will be no shortage of glistening, lifelike CGI flesh on display in Robert Zemeckis’s latest masterwork, opening today. The character of Grendel’s Mother, for example – naked, dipped in gold, and outfitted with a prehensile braid and fuck-me pumps – will give audiences a reasonable approximation of things only Brad Pitt was meant to see. Others, however, such as the protagonist himself (voiced and performed by Sexy Beast star Ray Winstone), use their human inspiration as mere jumping-off points, after which a cutting-edge series of gut-reducing, ab-defining filters are applied, resulting in a ripped, battle-ready hero worthy of the name Beowulf. BeowulfMovie.com More »
9:15AM Defamer Hollywood | Clearly the female side of the Lohan family tree contains a dominant progeria gene, as Ali at 13 looks like Lindsay at 21, who looks like Dina at 45, who looks like 168-year-old Great Great Great Grandma Abigail Lohan, designer of the family crest. [Us Weekly] More »
Oscar de la Hoya Sued For Close To His Annual Victoria’s Secret Budget
9:00AM Defamer Hollywood | What a truly wonderful world it is in which we live, where a Siberian stripper can come to America, work her way up the pole to the point where she’s performing a champagne room command performance for the likes of Oscar de la Hoya, spend 24 hours in a Philadelphia Ritz-Carlton room during which she snaps the welterweight champion enacting his deepest fishnets-and-pumps-wearing desires, sell said photos to a hungry paparazzi agency for $US70,000, and then – and this is the real coup de grâce – turn around and sue de la Hoya for $US100 million for allowing the boxer to convince her not to shoot higher with her asking price. From the Reuters report: A New York woman sued Olympic boxer Oscar de la Hoya for $US100 million on Thursday, saying she was coerced into agreeing not to sell photographs of him dancing around a hotel room in women’s clothing. More »
8:45AM Defamer Hollywood | Hasn’t Amy Winehouse earned the right to visit her incarcerated husband in prison without having to be subjected to a humiliating beehive search? After all–just because her most famous song is called “Rehab (No You Never Gonna Get It),” doesn’t mean she’s the type to do a bump mid-song before thousands of fans in Birmingham. [Starpulse] More »
John Travolta Gives Kirk Douglas The Thrill Of His Long And Accomplished Lifetime
8:30AM Defamer Hollywood | Though John Travolta’s long, deep, and utterly unselfconscious kiss with longtime idol Kirk Douglas initially drew a thundering round of applause from the Santa Barbara Film Festival crowd assembled to see Travolta receive a lifetime achievement award named for the screen legend, the ovation was quickly replaced by gasps of horror once the guest of honour, obviously lost in the moment, failed to break their clinch until the oxygen-deprived nonagenarian collapsed to the stage. More »
8:15AM Defamer Hollywood | A judge has issued a $US30,000 civil warrant against Oprah Approved™ Dr. Jan Adams – Kanye’s mum’s surgeon – for having failed to show up to a hearing today, as he has yet to pay the $US100,000 settlement against a patient in whom he accidentally left a sponge. While the autopsy reports have yet to be filed for Donda West, we think Dr. Adams’ can kiss any shot at making it into Los Angeles magazine’s Best L.A. Doctors issue goodbye. [TMZ] More »
Trade Roundup: Kevin Smith Lures Seth Rogen Into A Life Of Pornography
8:00AM Defamer Hollywood | · Seth Rogen and Elizabeth Banks are cast in Kevin Smith’s Zach and Miri Make a Porno, the story of two platonic friends who try to use the power of hardcore pornography to solve their debt problems. As the actors previously appeared together in The 40 Year Old Virgin, this film represents the kind of re-teaming effort that drives us so wild with delight. [Variety] · WGA strike picket line ubiquity Katherine Heigl will star in the romantic comedy The Ugly Truth for the re-teamed writers and director of Legally Blonde. [THR] Tim Burton partners with Disney for two 3-D films, Alice and Wonderland and Frankenweenie, sure to become instant classics for fans of hallucinogenic substances. [Variety] More »
Strike-Hobbled Awards Shows Brace For A Bleak, Banterless Future
7:45AM Defamer Hollywood | In yet another story about How The Writers Strike Has Affected, Is Currently Affecting, Our Will Affect The Lives of TV And/Or Movie-Loving Americans, the AP looks at the impact the walkout may have on the slew of upcoming awards shows dependent on the work of WGA professionals to provide the monologue jokes, seemingly off-the-cuff banter, and cutting-edge film-parody montages that help fill out the ceremonies’ blink-and-you’ve-missed-four-hours-of-your-life- you’ll-never-get-back running times. Reps from the Academy and the HFPA opine on how the strike might hamper both Hollywood’s Biggest and Drunkest Nights, respectively: Spokeswoman Leslie Unger said the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences hasn’t even reached the planning stage yet. “Our show is a number of months off and we have no way of knowing if or how (the strike) will impact us,” she said. More »
Dear MySpace Diary: Why Can’t Lance Just Get Over Me Already? Love, Reichen
7:30AM Defamer Hollywood | We know better than to get between an ugly gay divorce, particularly that of singer (that’s what he does, right?) Lance Bass and his fame-hungry reality TV star ex, Reichen Lehmkhul, but when they take their bickering out of the privacy of the Crunch cardio room, where most Gays have the decency to work out their personal issues, and decide to splash them across the pages of major publications and MySpace blogs, like it or not, their problems become our problems. According to Reality Blurred, the latest round began with a interview in the current GQ in which Lance blamed the break-up on Reichen’s infidelities, saying, “I thought [at the time], ‘Why does everyone hate him?” At the end, I was like, ‘Ok, everyone was right.’” Star Magazine then reported that Bass was sent a letter in which he threatened to sue. Lehmkhul clarified the issue on his MySpace page yesterday: No one is suing anyone, and all is well. More »
