Our nation's beloved pop princess recently participated in an ITV special over in the United Kingdom, and thanks to the magic of YouTube, Australian fans can watch it too. The first of six parts is below - and after the jump you'll find the other five.

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This is your captain speaking. I have been a wee bit quiet for the past few days for various reasons (but I will plaintively ask when will this season of sickness will bloody well end, huh? WHEN?) but interesting things have happened and some of them will be rather relevant to you. Prepare yourself for a pop concert ticket giveaway we're VERY excited about, and possibly an idiotic interview to accompany it.

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Defamer Australia was out and about in Melbourne, having a drink and chat at riverside bar and noshery Riverlands, when what hot-pink-headed naif did we see emerging from a neighbouring table but Patrick Wolf himself!

Knowing how much of a fan our fearless Editor is, we naturally whipped out the camera phone and grabbed a shot to prove our brush with theatrical, Kate Bush-esque fame.

(Note: that's him on the left. Honest injuns.)

As you can see, our quick fingers and sharp-shooting style will have the members of the Black Star Agency quaking in their boots.

Clearly, the next Pulitzer Prize for photojournalism is going to us.

Well, if you're in Melbourne then you may be in luck. Talented, devastatingly attractive, and completely charming young lass Alexandra Schepisi is producing and directing a short film. It is apparently set in a night club so she needs the venue to look packed  - and that's where you come in.

If you are between 20 and 50, are able to dress yourself in a manner suitable to be part of a night club scene, and you have completely given up on watching Australian bloody Idol, then you will be perfect to come down this evening and play the coveted role of Night Club Extra #35!

HERE ARE THE DETAILS

Tonight around 7.30ish.
The Long Room - 162 Collins St

Alex says "The bar will be open for business and we aim to have a lot of door prizes by then as an added incentive and reward, with extra special prizes going out to those who stick around for the duration of the shoot. DJs will be playing all night with minimal interruption for sound recording. We hope to create a fun night out, which just happens to be coupled with a film shoot."

Lovely. We envision the finished product to somewhat resemble this.

If destiny has a heart, then perhaps Defamer Australia's prayers for some swift justice to be served to Blake "Raw Fish Steak Wearing A Hat" Fielder-Civil are finally coming true: Winegums No Good™ husband is in the clink!

In a spectacularly smart move, Fielder-Civil was busted trying to bribe a witness involved with his assault case with hundreds of thousands of pounds in the hope that said witness wouldn't cooperate with the filth (it goes without saying that the moolah was presumably Winegums').

Well, at least Amy's spokesperson was right, and it really wasn't drugs related. Anyway, Blake's mum says all is not well in Amy's world following the developments and all involved are worried for her emotional and mental health.

Amy left through a rear exit and was driven away in a silver BMW without speaking to reporters. But Mrs Civil, a hairdresser from Newark, Nottinghamshire, said the Rehab singer cannot stop crying.

She added: "Amy said she was devastated. She is so upset and keeps saying she can't be without Blake.

"We are absolutely gutted. We thought that Blake would be granted bail. We appealed to the court for that on condition that he stayed with his family in Nottinghamshire.

"Amy was happy with that arrangement and was prepared to float back and forth."

So, in other words, what has happened - AS USUAL - is that Blake Fielder-Civil has cocked up his life and Amy's in his wake, spending her money, attempting to pervert the course of justice (after allegedly smashing a barman in the face) and placing her teetering on the brink of a breakdown. And he's a junkie.

Husband of the year, anyone?

The NSW Government has hilariously (although also vaguely disturbingly, in a Clockwork Orange-ish manner) decided that the best way to deal with boy (and girl) racers is to force them to watch footage of their precious 3 Fast 4 Furious cars being smashed to smithereens at the wreckers.

Honestly, not even Matt Stone and Trey Parker could make this stuff up.

Police Minister David Campbell said film of the cars being destroyed would be publicly released.

"Video footage of these once-prized possessions being turned into splintered, twisted scrap will be the clearest message yet to hoons that we're serious about stamping out their behaviour and saving lives in the process."

Word that Iemma and Campbell would also jump up and down in front of the offenders while screaming "Nerny nerny ner!" and poking their tongues out could not be confirmed nor denied.

The rumour mill has gone to plaid after Aussie-made-good Miranda Kerr, whispered to be hooking up with fellow Nichiren Buddhist Orlando Bloom, broke up with her long-term boyfriend Jay Lyon (whose real name, confusingly, is Brett Tuhtan).

Ever since Kerr inspected a New York apartment (note: not a metaphor) with "good friend" Bloom, word on the street has been that they were not-so-secretly an item, despite Kerr's long-term love.

Naturally, both the Victoria's Secret Angel and her peeps (incidentally, her agent is the ex's sister) continue to deny the tattling, but of course that's never stopped us before!

The ex-couple have spent the last few years working the New York scene together but have headed to Splitsville amid word of Kerr's Bloom(ing) new romance.

"I'm enjoying more time to myself because there's no one in my life right now," Kerr said.

"I'm trying to focus on my work and myself for once, because I've always put my relationships first."

Lyon was less forthcoming, telling Vogue magazine: "It was a mutual decision - I don't want to get into it".

As much as we lovelovelove Miranda Kerr and have done ever since Dolly revealed her bucky smile age in 1997, but we do feel sorry for Brett/Jay.

Either he's been tossed so Miranda can focus on herself (which is just another way of saying "It's not you, it's me", which really means "It's all because of you, freakazoid"), or he's been dumped for Orlando Bloom, neither of which are particularly attractive options when you're at the receiving end of them.

And we'd know, because we've experienced both.

The sad story of little Heavenly Hirani Tiger Lily continues, with another Hutchence family member sounding off about their niece/granddaughter/distant relative's life with Bob Geldof.

Hutchence's sister Tina, speaking to New Idea on the eve of the ten-year anniversary of Michael's death, reckons Geldof is keen to legally adopt Tiger Lily and change her name to Geldof.

The Hutchence family has received a letter from Geldof's lawyers informing them of his intention to change Tiger Lily's name, Tina Hutchence said.

"In seven years, he's given my mother just four days of supervised visits,'' she said. "None of the rest of us have seen Tiger, only my mother, and that was with the nanny.

"And the interesting thing is Bob Geldof is patron of a charity called Grandparents Apart - a charity for grandparents who don't get to see their grandchildren.''

You know, if the Hutchences hadn't shown themselves to be money-grubbing whingers throughout the past ten years (that eBay auction springs to mind) then we might be inclined to side with them.

However, since Sir Bob seems to be doing a reasonably good job of caring for Tiger, we can't help but see this as just another publicity grab - one thing that, like him or not (his endlessly snowballing charity gigs notwithstanding), Sir Bob does well to avoid.

If Tiger was "returned" to the Hutchences we get the feeling she'd be featuring in an RSL-touring jazz ballet spectacular faster than you could say "Bindi Irwin".

Poor widdle Prince Harry; what with all his public faux pas - drinking heavily, dressing inappropriately at costume parties, feeling a right tit - the last thing he needs is genuine heartbreak, but it appears that's just what girlfriend Chelsy Davy has served him up a big, steaming plate of.

It seems Harry skipped Chelsy's 22nd birthday bash in order to attend the World Cup in Paris, and the blonde university student was not pleased.

The relationship ended in a series of emotional telephone calls between Leeds and Lesotho in Africa where Harry is currently doing charity work.

A friend also told the paper that the couple had got along better when they lived 6,000 miles apart.

A spokeswoman for Clarence House said they did not comment on the prince’s private life.

Well, they've probably given up commenting on his private life since it seems to involve something approaching Britney Spears' mantra of "Eat it! Lick it! Snort it! F--k it!"

Still, poor form, Hazza - just because you're third in line to the throne, doesn't mean you can wriggle your way out of the Fruity Lexia Tropicana and pigs-in-blankets at your GF's birthday party!

You know, here at Defamer Australia, we pride ourselves on our ability to bash out witty headlines, day in, day out.

However, sometimes a story comes along that says, "I see your witty headlines and I laugh in the face of them."

Such a story ran today in The Sun. To wit:

Now, don't worry, Kylie hasn't subscribed to scurrilous rumours that suggest drinking the blood of indigenous babies will cure wrinkles; instead, it seems she's caught a case of the Angelinas after cancer treatment left her wondering if adoption was the way to go.

It goes without saying that, coming courtesy of the News Of The World originally, this story probably has about as much truth to it as a Quarter Pounder With Cheese has value to vegans. Still, a lil' Aussie entertainment gossip site can dream, can't we?