Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Jennifer Hawkins Uses The Wrong Dunny At The Cup; Not Spotted At The Urinals, Mind
10:58AM Clem Bastow | Poor old Jennifer Hawkins just can’t get anything right at the moment.
First, her Derby Day outfit of a long white dress and oversized tropical flower tucked behind her ear was decried by the Vogue Forums as “just not classic racewear”, and now it seems she incurred the wrath of not one but two VIP marquees at yesterday’s Melbourne Cup.
Why? She couldn’t be bothered waiting in the queue for the toilets in the Myer marquee (of which she was, being the face of the stores, clearly the guest of honour) and scarpered to the less-crowded Emirates facilities.
While there was nothing naughty about her toilet trips, Hawko left Emirates’ organisers seeing red when her Myer minders refused their request for a photo.
“We just said to them, ‘Look, she can’t keep coming in here unless she’s going to pose for photos,’ ” one Emirates gatekeeper told Confidential.
Honestly, Jennifer. Couldn’t you just hold it in and enjoy the idle chit chat in the Myer queues?
Or, better yet, she could’ve just joined the queues for the real Flemington dunnies like one half of Defamer Australia did on Derby Day, and she could have enjoyed spirited conversation about fake tan, chicken fillets, “Wheerraaee yooouuugghhtt youuurr hat?” and discussing how “hot” Brodie Holland is. More » 
Lucky Bastard Watch: Nic Cester Edition
10:29AM Clem Bastow | While Australia’s new rock heroes Jet may have gone a bit quiet and come away from the ARIA Awards empty handed, it seems frontman Nic Cester has a little bit of news that is enough to quiet any detractors.
We’d heard on the grapevine some time ago that Cester had bought himself a fly pad in Italy’s Lake Como, but since it hadn’t been ‘confirmed’, we assumed it was just fluff.
Sadly (for us), we were mistaken, as Cester talked up the purchase at the Melbourne Cup.
“I’m moving over there in two weeks,” Cester said from his perch in the Lavazza coffee marquee.
Yup. Nic Cester. Writer of such stirring rock gems as Rollover DJ and Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is, moving to this place:
Near George Clooney’s place.
Life sucks, doesn’t it? More » 
Moving House An Indignity Even To Supermodels
10:20AM Clem Bastow | Having to pack up all your possessions and move house is one of life’s least pleasant activities, particularly when you’re worried the buff blokes hired to lift your heavy objects might cop an eyeful of your S&M gear/Richard Clayderman record collection/commode/lifetime supply of Depends.
Well, spare a thought for Kate Moss, who is currently shifting home base, and whose stained mattress – don’t we all have one of them, even if only metaphorically? – made it into the tabloids as it wobbled outside her soon-to-be vacated Notting Hill abode.
An onlooker said: “I doubt Kate was best pleased everyone caught a glimpse of her dirty mattress.
“There was a definite big brown mark.”
Hopefully it’s got nothing to do with the anal incontinence issues that may have plagued ex-BF Pete Doherty and more to do with, er, eating a romantic dinner in bed with new squeeze Jamie Hince.
Either that or it’s Ms Moss who needs a lifetime supply of Depends. More » 
“The Only Times I Really Smoke Is When I’ve Had A Drink”: Chipshop’s ‘Mother Of The Year’ Gong Continues To Be Justified
10:13AM Clem Bastow | Whether she’s doing lines, continuing to take Effexor, chugging back pints, doing vodka shots or ‘avin’ a fag, Kerry “Chipshop” Katona has been a model mother-to-be during her current pregnancy (which, we might remind you, has already been plagued by miscarriage scares).
However it’s only now that she’s actually admitted to doing (some of) the above – though in typically Katona fashion, she can’t see what all the fuss is about.
Innit!
Miss Katona, 27, who has three daughters, said: “I was smoking 20 a day before I was pregnant and I’ve cut down to one. In the morning, I like a little puff on a fag.”
She said of those who criticise her for continuing to smoke in defiance of medical guidelines: “Yeah, they’re dead bloody right. But I honestly don’t think a couple of puffs are going to do that much damage.
“I had a nicotine patch but it left a mark. I think I’ve done really well cutting down from 20 to one a day. I think the only times I really smoke is when I’ve had a drink.”
Oh, that’s okay then! If she’s PREGNANT and only smoking WHILE PREGNANT when she has a few ales WHILE PREGNANT, then everything is going to be fine!
With her PREGNANCY. That she has because she’s PREGNANT. With a BABY. Who probably doesn’t want to smoke, drink or soak up drugs. More » 
Amy Winehouse Round-Up: We Remember The Good Old Days…
10:03AM Clem Bastow | We could’ve gone with the usual Winegums steez today and brought you the news that a sozzled Amy has missed yet another gig/awards show/match/hatch/dispatch, managing to let the Kickers Urban Music Awards (no, we don’t know what they are, either) fly past her while in the bar.
Instead, we wish to bring to you this heartwarming piece of Winegums nostalgia dug up by The Mail: baby Winegums on The Fast Show!
Yes, before she released her killer debut, even before she was booted from the Sylvia Young Theatre School, a babyfaced Winegums appeared on the UK comedy show as a hapless child in one of the longrunning ‘Competitive Dad’ sketches. Fast Show castmember Paul Whitehouse said of the clip (shown at the DVD launch),
“We didn’t know she was going to be famous at the time. We only found out about it when she mentioned it in an interview, so felt we had to show it.”
If only Mitch Winehouse would show a bit of competitive dad action and jump onstage, rip the bottle out of her hand and the wedding ring off her finger, and then march her back to the studio to show her how to really make a hit record, maybe we’d all be onto something. More » 
Idol Round-Up: Marty’s Idol Journey So Thrilling It Takes A Day To Recover Before We Announce His Leaving
9:29AM Clem Bastow | In a show of resilience as confounding as Australian Idol has seen since the weird old days of Hayley Jensen, laidback™ surfer dude® Marty Simpson has finally been vamoosed from the talent quest.
Sadly for Marty, viewers didn’t warm to his awkward brand of “big band” style (his Light My Fire was like Jack Johnson subjecting Jose Feliciano to slow and agonising water torture) and he becomes this year’s fourth-place-getter.
We’re now firmly “on the road to the Opera House” and, failing a Cosima De Vito style shock exit, we’re putting our tips on a Carl and Natalie finale, as it’s entirely possible that Matt Corby will a) wear another women’s nightie or b) choose another obscure song that will freak out the little girls and fall by the wayside.
However, we will not be placing any actual bets because, as we all know, Idol is nothing if not bitterly disappointing year after year unpredictable. More » 
‘Beowulf’ Trailer: This! Is! Remarkably Similar To ‘300′!
8:30AM Defamer Hollywood | Perhaps you’ve taken notice of the Beowulf marketing siege currently coating area mini-storages and billboards, its cast of synthetic stars only slightly less off-putting than the dead-eyed, Christmas-train-riding childrenoids that populated Robert Zemeckis’s last effort. The FXRant blog notes a number of striking similarities between its campaign and that of another CGI-heavy fantasy epic that’s already proven its box office might: [I]t’s clear that they’ve been studying the ad campaign for “300″ very carefully. Among many stylistic and clear similarities between each films’ trailers, here are a few highlights: Both trailers have the lead, bearded, warrior hero, in closeup, loudly proclaiming that “THIS! IS! SPARTA!”, or, “I! AM! BEOWULF!” More »
Michael Jackson: 25 Shades Lighter Than ‘Thriller’
8:15AM Defamer Hollywood | A tip of the creepy top hat to photographer Matthew Rolston and his Ebony magazine covershoot team, who managed to give the ghoulishly pale Michael Jackson we know and fear the rich, healthy glow of a French aristocrat’s wife rejuvenated from a weekend shopping excursion to St. Tropez. It’s a transformation that rivals Sunset Tan’s Ollie Girls’ best post mortem spray-tanning work. EbonyJet.com More »
