Thursday, November 1, 2007
To Do: Punk Rock And All That Jazz
2:30PM Anna King | Music round-up: Frenzal Rhomb at the Hi-Fi Bar and Fowlers Live; The Checks in Adelaide and WA; Dardanelles debut album tour in Victoria, SA and Tassie (Footsteps clip above).
The season of the jazz festival has commenced! Chill to a soulful beat this weekend at the Wangaratta Festival of Jazz in Victoria and the Brisbane Jazz & Blues Festival this weekend. Perth adopts the spirit with Blues at Bridgetown next weekend.
The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford, The Game Plan and Deathproof opens in cinemas.
Heads up: Interpol on sale 9am Friday; Sydney Festival. More » 
Jordan Wants Her Bosom To Live On Long After She Dies; That Can Probably Be Arranged, Actually
11:57AM Clem Bastow | What with Lady McCartney’s sad spaz out, Ben Cousins’ escape from LA and Winegums’ hubby appearing in Night Of The Living Dead IV, here’s a little sum’n sum’n to lighten the mood: Jordan!
Yes, everyone’s favourite human driver-and-passenger-side airbag is prattling on again, this time musing about how she’d like to be remembered once she shuffles off this mortal coil (no doubt in a coffin covered in Swarovski crystals).
Busty Jordan wants her gravestone inscription to pay tribute to her BOOBS.
The 32FF model, 29 said: “I’d like to have: ‘She had perfect tits’ or ‘Wonder Woman’.”
Perfect tits? We’re not so sure about that, but it’s nice to know that no matter how much doom and gloom is happening in the world of entertainment gossip, you can always rely on Katie Price to brighten your day, like a super-bright halogen spotlight with a pink gel on it. More » 
Heather Mills Is Worse Than A Princess/Paedophile/Murder Suspect, Apparently
11:38AM Clem Bastow | Heather “Soon To Be Ex-Mrs McCartney” Mills is teetering close to the edge during her ongoing divorce from Sir Paul, appearing on GMTV in a particularly rabid mood, during which she claimed to be treated worse by the media than paedophiles, Kate McCann and Princess Diana.
Her claims have, obviously, sent the UK press into another frenzy, which makes you wonder why she even bothered to request an interview on the show.
Bizarrely, despite frequent reports of the ever spiraling amounts of settlement she is apparently refusing, she also claimed that she’s not necessarily after Sir Paul’s money. What the?
On the divorce case which has fascinated the world, Ms Mills said she had been “offered nothing”, but she was unable to discuss it for legal reasons.
She said: “How do you know if I even want any money? I’m £1.5 million in debt in lawyers’ fees, and that’s as much as I can say or I go to jail, for telling the truth.
“So I’m gagged at the moment because I’m not allowed to say a word while the media are fed this spin by a certain corner.”
She then went on to suggest that if alleged death threats made against her by Beatles fanatics “came true”, she would be revered like Paul’s late wife Linda. Whoa, Nelly!
As The Sun’s Agony Aunt put it, “she is in urgent need of help”. It’s all a bit sad, actually.
The press created this monster and she can’t stop feeding it. No, Heather, no! More » 
Amy Winehouse Round-Up: Blake Has Come To Suuuck Youur Blooood
11:30AM Clem Bastow | There was a time, before all the Winegums nonsense, when we thought “Blake Fielder-Civil: he’s a bit of orright, we’d probably tap that”. He had the whole slightly-disheveled-dapper-gent thing going on, and was clearly madly into Our Winegums, so we approved (with a few tut-tuts to the substance abuse).
Now? Not so much. In short: he looks like a corpse.
They seem to have some kind of Portrait Of Dorian Gray thing going on; as Amy gets healthier and remembers how to eat/dress herself, Blake is looking more and more like he’s made out of raw fish.
Hallowe’en came earlier for Amy Winehouse’s husband Blake Fielder-Civil, who was spotted with the singer in Brussels last night looking frighteningly pale and gaunt.
Blake joined the troubled star in Brussels for the final leg of her European tour amid claims the pair have been feuding constantly.
How much longer can this go on? Does he have a ten-foot dick or something? Yeah, love is blind, but it’s not idiotic!
Seriously; like we said yesterday, is Mitch Winehouse gonna have to choke a bitch? For real. More » 
Escape From LA III: Missing Cousins
9:59AM Clem Bastow | Troubled former Weagle Ben Cousins has apparently disappeared in LA, where he is meant to be continuing his rehabilitation program.
The footy champ is attempting to overcome his addiction to both cocaine and methamphetamine with a stay at the Summit Centre, but despite flying to the City of Angels, he has apparently scarpered before checking in.
Sources close to the Summit Centre in Malibu told The Australian yesterday the 29-year-old failed to check in, as scheduled, on Monday. They say they are worried for his safety.
“No one has any idea where he is,” said a person with knowledge of the situation. “He’s got everyone freaking out because LA’s not a good place to be out doing what he may be doing.
“I just hope nothing bad happens to him.”
Apparently Cousins was picked up at the airport by two “mystery blonde women” before being spirited away.
Seriously, is there something in the water over in WA? Wha’ happen? We remember a time when the Weagles could do no wrong, now it’s like an episode of Law & Order and all we can think of is this. More » 
Adrian Grenier’s Mystery Package Confounds Celebrity Shlong Scrutinisers
8:00AM Defamer Hollywood | Regardless of what your Halloween plans might entail, chances are pretty good that you’ll eventually come face to face with the compressed, Lycra-silhouetted junk of at least one dude dressed as a superhero. Pretty on the Outside decided to grade some of the shrink-wrapped celebrity shlong on display this haunting season, giving head-of-the-class marks to Brody “The Hills” Jenner’s shapely, right-bending manhood. The jury appears to be out on Adrian Grenier’s basket, however, as the elephantine mound on display suggests the star of Aquaman and Medellin either stuffed himself with one of Drama’s gym socks, or opted to tie his firehose into a less unwieldy sailing knot before leaving the house for his All Hallow’s Eve revelries. Happy Halloween. Now Let’s Talk Penises. [Pretty on the Outside] More »
It’s Like Borat, But He’s Hellbent On Blood-Splattered Revenge Instead Of Cultural Learnings
7:45AM Defamer Hollywood | Today’s Variety offers a cornucopia of eye-popping advertisements meant to catch the attention of American Film Market buyers looking to find a B-lister-starring, low-budget diamond in the rough (David Boreanaz in Ghost Writer! Patrick Swayze’s Jump! Treasure Raiders, with David Carradine! ) they can polish up for audiences hungry for any entertainment product featuring a semi-recognisable Hollywood name. More »A Gender-Bending Flapper Halloween On ‘The View’
7:30AM Defamer Hollywood | In all the strike deadline hysteria, we’ve barely had a moment to acknowledge that today is an (egregiously not nationally recognised) holiday. It’s Halloween, everyone – the spookiest, scariest celebration of the year! And on The View, that usually means stuffing Barbara Walters into some sort of sex-kitten outfit. This year’s theme – which we think was Ill-Fitting Cotton Club Costume Rentals? – gave Walters an excuse to talk about her club impresario father Lou Walters, a touching, grandmotherly reminiscence about a simpler time, when you could get a steak, a sidecar, and an unobstructed view of a showgirl’s rack all for a nickel. The View More »
Kiefer Sutherland Demonstrates Support For Writers’ Strike By Refusing To Sign Autographs
7:15AM Defamer Hollywood | It wasn’t just Kiefer Sutherland’s merry, drunken joyride through life that came crashing to a halt when he was stopped for a parole-violating DUI last month – so too did the party end for the ranks of professional John Hancock-procurers depending on Kiefer’s autograph to put food on the table for their little ones. Sutherland now refuses to sign for them, Page Six reports, since damning shots of the slosh-faced actor taken the night of his arrest made their way onto the internets: Autograph collectors are reeling over the “24″ star’s decision to stop putting his signature on memorabilia in the wake of his Sept. 25 bust for DUI, when fans and paparazzi snapped footage of him stumbling after he was pulled over at 1 a.m. “He was one of the best autograph signers there was,” collector Michael Wehrmann told Page Six. More »
