Kerry Katona To Take Over From Dr Spock As Doyenne Of Baby And Child Care

Kerry “Chipshop” Katona has recovered from her recent near-miscarriage nightmare and is celebrating as any expectant mother should: by slugging down the cocktails – and, like her pregnancy, they were not virgin.

Chipshop was at the eye of a storm of kerfuffle during her last pregnancy when it was reported that she was taking coke, and it looks like this time is little different. Here’s the word from News Of The World, with their comedy all-caps included for effect.

Kerry, twice Celebrity Mum of the Year, downed FOUR MARTINIS and a slug of VODKA in a pub with pals – despite being 12 weeks into an already troubled fourth pregnancy.

Then she popped to a restaurant over the road for a Chinese meal – and puffed greedily on a ciggie outside in the cold. One surprised drinker said: “Everyone knows Kerry’s pregnant so it was a bit of a shock to see her drinking and smoking.

“But she just said, ‘What the hell, a couple can’t hurt’.

“She went to the bar and ordered pints for the others and Martini for herself. It was the same round when the others were buying – and she also had a shot of vodka. She knocked it back in one, winced and then wiped her hand across her mouth and put the glass down.”

Attagirl!

Given that this is NOTW, it is possible that we will also read that Kerry is due to give birth to a rare Patagonian tortoise in tomorrow’s edition, but her track record suggests that in this instance, this paragon of journalistic excellence may not be massaging as much of the data as they usually do.

Cheers!