Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Take That Not The Supple Young Men They Once Were
11:16AM Clem Bastow | Poor old Take That; first Robbie refused to join in the reunion fun, now they’re having to suffer the indignity of becoming a “man band”, as they’re certainly not the lithe blokes who were doing ab rolls all over the beach in the Pray video clip.
Poor old Howard Donald injured himself while attempting some showy moves in concert, and the rest of the “boys” – yes, all three of them – are keeping the fires burning and doing it for Howard, if you will.
Howard Donald ended up with a collapsed lung after doing the splits on stage last week.
But the show must go on.
Gary Barlow, Jason Orange and Mark Owen soldiered on without Howard on stage in Zurich on Saturday night.
Without Howard’s breakdancing the other lads will themselves have a lung-bursting shift to keep the European tour going.
A collapsed lung from breakdancing? Bless! Soon they’ll be finding mystery cuts and bruises on their arms and scalps and muttering aloud, “I wonder where I got that?” while looking for the ultimate in soft yoghurt. More » 
Panto Seasons Empties The Streets Of Erinsborough And Summer Bay
10:59AM Clem Bastow | It’s almost the end of the ratings season and that means one thing and one thing only for Australian soapies (apart from cliffhangers): pantomime time!
Yes, Christmas is almost upon us and so the stars of Home & Away and Neighbours are jetting over to the UK to make some quick cash by spouting single entendres and going deaf while children shout “HE’S BEHIIIIND YOOOUUU!” And what a fine smorgasbord of entertainment they’ll be serving up for the poms:
Lara Sacher will also head to Mother England to star in Beauty and The Beast with Home and Away stars Trent Baines, Amy Mizzi, Beau Brady and Paul O’Brien swapping their boardies and bikinis for tights in various productions.
Has anyone ever witnessed one of these atrocities cultural gems? All we can think of is a vision of Harold and/or Alf dressed as a genie and making gay jokes like Ricky Gervais in Extras – and we suspect our vision is not that far off the truth!
(PS, the photo has nothing to do with this story other than that we thought you’d enjoy seeing Toadie seemingly in the throes of passion – in fact, he is having a “health scare” – TUNE IN THIS WEEK!) More » 
Idol Round-Up: Tarisai Runs Into The Loving Arms Of A Bratz Endorsement Deal
10:09AM Clem Bastow | The latest Australian Idol casualty is pocket rocket Tarisai Vushe, who admittedly showed less “rocket” and far less “(in the) pocket” with each week of the reality talent quest.
What started as a powerhouse voice with a beguiling personality ended up a karaoke-night warbler with the personality of a donut – her trademark quiet “thank you” apparently the killer for all involved, including the normally ever-lovin’ Marcia – a predicament that led to Mark and Dicko calling her “fake”, only to feel a bit of emotional power from Vushe, even if it was off-stage.
Unfortunately for her, the emotional outburst didn’t happen during her cover of The Veronicas’ When It All Falls Apart, and so she leaves in fifth place.
Incidentally, we remain perplexed as to exactly who is voting for Marty Simpson; could this year’s finale be another repeat of the Damien Leith/Kate De Araugo variety?
More » Amy Winehouse Round-Up: Back… On Crack
9:59AM Clem Bastow | Yes, Winegums Watch has returned, feeling as refreshed as Winegums looked after her romantic holiday with hubby Blake, and we’re ready to bring you all the Winegums you can eat handle.
To wit, it looks as though Amy’s touring future in the USA could be in question after Winegums’ recent alleged drug bust while on tour in Europe (which sounds like it’s going really well, by the way).
Dad Mitch reckons the Norwegian filth tricked Amy into signing a confession disguised as a release form.
“They only released them after they signed a form, which they were told was a release form. It was in Norwegian. It was actually a confession, so this is being dealt with now by the Norwegian authorities and the British Consulate because the ramifications of that are that she now can’t get into the States and she was meant to go next week.”
Being denied a visa could stall Winehouse’s assault on the US where she has already climbed the top ten singles chart and earned rave reviews.
Fellow Brit singer Lily Allen has also recently fallen foul of US immigration. Her visa was cancelled in August after LA immigration officials questioned her over an assault on a photographer in March.
In other words, all’s well in Winegums Watch, as you can see!
Now, it could be that the holiday has brought our conscience into stark relief, or just that having the Max channel on constantly in your hotel room reminds you what good music really is, but at the moment we’re really loving Winegums’ Tears Dry On Their Own – so, to address the balance a little, hop over the jump to watch the new video and see why we began our fascination with Winegums in the first place. 
Kerry Katona To Take Over From Dr Spock As Doyenne Of Baby And Child Care
9:46AM Clem Bastow | Kerry “Chipshop” Katona has recovered from her recent near-miscarriage nightmare and is celebrating as any expectant mother should: by slugging down the cocktails – and, like her pregnancy, they were not virgin.
Chipshop was at the eye of a storm of kerfuffle during her last pregnancy when it was reported that she was taking coke, and it looks like this time is little different. Here’s the word from News Of The World, with their comedy all-caps included for effect.
Kerry, twice Celebrity Mum of the Year, downed FOUR MARTINIS and a slug of VODKA in a pub with pals – despite being 12 weeks into an already troubled fourth pregnancy.
Then she popped to a restaurant over the road for a Chinese meal – and puffed greedily on a ciggie outside in the cold. One surprised drinker said: “Everyone knows Kerry’s pregnant so it was a bit of a shock to see her drinking and smoking.
“But she just said, ‘What the hell, a couple can’t hurt’.
“She went to the bar and ordered pints for the others and Martini for herself. It was the same round when the others were buying – and she also had a shot of vodka. She knocked it back in one, winced and then wiped her hand across her mouth and put the glass down.”
Attagirl!
Given that this is NOTW, it is possible that we will also read that Kerry is due to give birth to a rare Patagonian tortoise in tomorrow’s edition, but her track record suggests that in this instance, this paragon of journalistic excellence may not be massaging as much of the data as they usually do.
Cheers! More » Sports Star Says “Bingle Makes Me A Better Cricketer”
8:59AM Jess McGuire | Hot on the heels of the blissfully romantic news last week that absence had indeed made the heart grow fonder when it came to the relationship between cricketer Michael Clarke and Lara “Waaaaait, Marriage Mean La-La No Touch? Me Confoozed!” Bingle, we’ve now been informed that the batsman credits Lara with making him want to be a better man, or some As Good As It Gets-esque rubbish along those lines.
Young gun Michael Clarke revealed yesterday he wants to be Australia’s next Test captain – and he credited model girlfriend Lara Bingle with giving his life fresh purpose.
Clarke, speaking for the first time about his 12-month relationship with Bingle, said he is a better batsman because he has never been happier off the field.
Clarke believes his romance with the Cronulla model, who shot to national fame after she starred in Tourism Australia’s controversial Where The Bloody Hell Are You? campaign, is helping drive him to become a better cricketer and a better person.
“I think the person I am now, it’s got a lot to do with Lara and theres no doubt that’s the truth,” he said.
“I’m certainly the first guy to say that if you are happy off the field it shows in your cricket.
“I’m wrapped with my life at the moment and I’m really, really happy and I think that will come across in my cricket.
Unless Christo has quietly made his way to Oz and begun wrapping Michael Clarke and his house/car/workplace, we can’t help but suspect the Daily Telegraph meant to write that Clarke was “rapt” with his life. But what do we know?
“Seeing somebody like Lara certainly makes me happy I have something to look forward to when I get home.”
“Seeing” makes sense. We never assumed “talking” to somebody like Lara would bring too much joy to a person’s life, but we suppose just staring at her half-naked body would be okay, if she promised to keep her thoughts to herself.
More » ARIA Awards Related Blind Item!
8:30AM Jess McGuire | Bits of scurrilous titbits from the ARIA Awards are starting to make their way through the grapevine, and we thought this slice might please the gossip-hungry amongst you. We’ll copy and paste the email we received but we have, of course, changed the names of those involved. Because we’re good like that.
Office people who went to the ARIA’s are all gossiping about Mr Sparkles and Mr Fingers still being together and that after all the awards last night the secksual tension was quite open (90210 style I imagine). They all say Mr Sparkles is a bit of a eunuch BUT…that Mr Fingers is like a Brokeback husband.
INTERESTING INDEED. And probably VERY FALSE.
Unless, you know, it isn’t.
As ever, we can’t publish comments which name names (we get smacked in the chops by The Powers That Be if we let ‘em slip through) but feel free to have a guess if you’re happy knowing that only Defamer Australia can read your suggestions and is revelling in it all.
More » Katie Holmes Comeback Preview: The ‘Mad Money’ Trailer
8:10AM Defamer Hollywood | Ever since it was reported that irresolvable scheduling conflicts brought on by two years of unemployment prevented Katie Holmes from taking on a seven-figure gig reprising her Batman Begins character in The Dark Knight, we’ve eagerly anticipated getting a look at her big comeback project, Mad Money, in which Holmes joins up with gal pals Queen Latifah and Diane Keaton to rob the Federal Reserve. (Hilarity, as it invariably does in such high-concept situations, ensues.) More »
Ellen DeGeneres To Put ‘Deal’ Models In Sensible Lesbianwear
8:00AM Defamer Hollywood | Ellen DeGeneres promises to liven up the Deal or No Deal proceedings when she makes a guest appearance on the hit NBC game show. But unlike past guests, like Donald “The Banker” Trump and Celine “Open Da Case!” Dion, the canine-regifter will join the show’s Pyramid of Hot Briefcasemodels. TVGuide.com reports: That’s right: DeGeneres will be one of the 26 briefcase-toting, elegant, sparkly dress-wearing women who may or may not be holding the million-dollar bag. Will DeGeneres really wear a dress? More »
