Saturday, October 13, 2007
Orlando Bloom Crashes Japanese Economy Car
8:30AM Defamer Hollywood | Congratulations, Orlando Bloom! After last night’s activities, you are now a member in good standing of the Celebrity Car Crash Club (The Quadruple C), where you will join such luminaries as Britney Spears, Halle Berry, Billy Joel, Lindsay Lohan, Rebecca Gayheart, Tara Reid, Brandy, and James Dean. In comparison with names like that, however, Legolas’s crash seems kind of tame. Here’s what happened: After leaving some lame Hollywood hotspot, Orlando got into his buddy’s ‘03 Toyota Matrix. Shortly thereafter, he was cut off by another driver and slammed into a parked car. Police say that drugs or alcohol were not a factor in the accident. So, basically it was just that – an accident. Snooze! Of course, two additional passengers were injured (not fatally) in the wreck, but they’re not celebrities, so we’re not writing about them. That is all. Orlando Bloom crashes car as tailed by paparazzi [Reuters] More »
Warner Enters Name-Calling Phase Of Their Break-Up With Madonna
8:00AM Defamer Hollywood | Breaking up is hard to do. Yesterday it was leaked that Madonna would be leaving her long-time record label Warner Music, in favour of the younger, hotter Live Nation to the tune of a $US120 million contract. And like all jilted lovers, Warner has responded by saying they’re totally cool with it. In fact, they even went so far as to write a report titled For $120 Million, She’s All Yours. (No, we’re not kidding.) Variety has featured some choice excerpts of said report, and here they are now along with translations of all that PR speak into plain English: “There is headline risk associated with a Madonna defection. However, the bigger risk would be to overpay for an artist that does not seem to be generating the revenue to support the contract being discussed.” TRANSLATION: Madonna is old and busted. We don’t even liker her anymore. What was her last good song? “Hung Up?” Puh-leeze! More »
Britney Album Cover To Hypnotise You With Bad Taste
7:30AM Defamer Hollywood | As Britney Spears shakes off a walloping hangover after a night of toasting to her minor victory in family court yesterday – child visits one night a week, supervised by several 450-pound baby monitors plucked from the lower ranks of K-Fed’s ever-growing security/poop-wiping detail – we thought we’d turn to topics more cheery than irreversibly-scarred toddlers: Britney’s new album! Possibly one of the most anticipated records of this year or any other, In Rainbows Blackout is a welcome return to form, poised to catapult the preoccupied singer back up the charts with songs like “Get Naked (I Got A Plan),” “Hot As Ice,” and “Why Should I Be Sad.” As it turns out, the photo circulating yesterday of a windswept Spears biting seductively on a digit was in fact not the official album cover, which People exclusively unveiled today: a colorful collage of fedoras, wristbands, zebra prints, and vertigo-inducing spirals that’s sure to put a spell on even the staunchest Britney detractor. EXCLUSIVE: Britney’s Cover Art Revealed [People] More »Smelling A Rat
7:15AM Defamer Hollywood | A follow-up to the Anna Nicole investigation we mentioned earlier: Attorney General Jerry Brown told reporters that there is “serious evidence” that something fishy went on with Anna Nicole’s death. Really, Jer? Maybe after he cracks this case, he can look into whether The Hills is fake or not. [foxnews.com] More »
Al Wins A Nice Nobel Coaster For His Oscar
7:00AM Defamer Hollywood | While we at Defamer aren’t typically in the business of reporting about any award that isn’t voted upon by industry guilds or the George Lopez-Loving People, we nevertheless feel obliged to relay the news that former Vice President and Lifetime Friend to Prius-Driving Hollywood Types Al Gore was awarded the Nobel Prize today, along with his colleagues from the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change. (You’ll think us crazy, but we dreamed this would happen, in an epic nighttime hallucination involving Leonardo DiCaprio applying suntan lotion to Gore’s back on a polar ice cap melted down to approximately the size of a manhole cover.) Leave it to the British, then, to acid rain on his Peace Prize parade: One day before Friday’s announcement that he was a co-winner of the Nobel Peace Prize, a British High Court judge ruled that Gore’s global warming film, “An Inconvenient Truth,” while “broadly accurate,” contained nine significant errors. More »
Finding Your One
6:45AM Defamer Hollywood | Even the stripper-obsessed can find love! “[Drew] Carey, the new host of The Price Is Right, got engaged to Nicole Jaracz, a recent graduate of culinary school, on Tuesday, said his spokeswoman, Christina Papadopoulos.” We wish the couple a strong marriage, and an even stronger prenup – otherwise Carey’s looking at paying out in powers of ten for every year they manage to make it last. [cnn.com] More »
The Beyonce-ist Mobile Money Can Buy
6:30AM Defamer Hollywood | Wanna be the coolest kid on your block? Then don’t buy the B’phone! Yes, Beyoncé has a brand new phone out by Samsung, and for a mere $US99 you get a Beyoncé themed start-up screen as well as the ability to download exclusive Beyoncé photos, videos, and music- including a song she recorded when she was 10. As Beyoncé said in a press conference yesterday, “It’s only through this phone that you can get this close to my life.” More »
If Only There Were Some Easy Joke To Be Made About Top Chef’s Hung Getting An Erection
6:15AM Defamer Hollywood | Sharp-eyed observers may have noticed there was a brief shot of current Top Chef winner Hung jumping out of bed in his boxer shorts during the reunion special that aired on Wednesday. We sent the video to the Defamer Institute of Priapic Analysis, and the results have come back, proving conclusively that the speedy chef doesn’t just have a cocky personality, he also has a…well, you get the idea. Click the censored photo after the jump for the full Hung experience. Top Chef [BravoTV.com] More »Slippery When Triumph Pisses On Your Leg
6:10AM Defamer Hollywood | With the weekend finally here, we thought we’d celebrate with a Triumph the Insult Comic Dog segment aired on Late Night with Conan O’Brien last night, in which 80’s-hair-rock-titan turned middle-aged-lesbian Jon Bon Jovi revisited his encounter with the horny and vicious Rottweiler. We won’t give away some of Triumph’s best lines, except to say there’s one involving Richie Sambora and a potentially damaging use of a curling iron that made our day. Late Night with Conan O’Brien More »
