Monday, October 8, 2007
Alice Joins The Fashion Elite
2:41PM Clem Bastow | Australia’s Next Top Model Cycle 3 winner Alice Burdeu has capped off her winner’s trip to New York by signing with Elite Model Management.
Not sure what that means in the world of catwalk glamazons? Do the names Naomi, Gisele and Heidi mean anything to you?
*snaps fingers and bobs head like Miss Jay*
Her Australian agency Priscilla’s confirmed the signing and revealed the Vogue covergirl had attracted interest from five agencies during her meet-and-greet trip.
“They were all very interested in signing her but Alice felt the best about Elite and her career will be in fantastic hands there,” Priscilla Leighton-Clark told Confidential yesterday.
“It’s a testament to the kind of show Australia’s Next Top Model has become because Alice is of an international standard and she’s really proved that now – she’s amazing.”
Alice will “commute” for the next month before moving to New York for good. She’s come a long way since the day we sat next to her at a pub lunch and made starstruck dicks out of ourselves, so Defamer Australia sends it heartiest congratulations to the leggy stunner! More » 
Kylie Dreams Of White Wedding, Kids; Urge To Make Witty Remarks On That Topic Waning, Waning…
2:32PM Clem Bastow | Our Kylie has given one of those “revealing” interviews that is actually revealing and makes us want to forgive all her recent follicular adventures and just sit down and watch When Harry Met Sally with her while making tearful headway through a packet of Chocolate Royals.
In an int with Glamour, she gives particularly poignant quotes about the wedding she is starting to think may never happen for her.
She admits: “There have been times when we were getting ready for a big event, like the opening of my exhibition at the V&A, and there’s a last minute hoo-ha and we’re all running around like headless chickens and I’ve said, ‘Imagine if we were getting ready for my wedding!’.
“We’ll see. I honestly don’t have a feeling one way or the other if I will walk down the aisle.”
We pride ourselves on refraining from using LULZ-speak or emoticons here at Defamer Australia, but all we could think when we read those quotes was : (((((((((((
Come back to Australia, Kyles, we’ll take you out on the town! We can see Manpower and drink cowboys! It’s a surefire winner! More » “Spice Force One” Set To Make John Travolta Pink With Envy
2:11PM Clem Bastow | The Spice Girls’ reunion tour is looming large (which means Christmas is also looming; may god have mercy on our etc), and the Mail breathlessly reports that the “girls” will be flying in their own (rented) Boeing 757, which will apparently be nicknamed “Spice Force One“.
That’s all well and good, but the bit that has us really excited/confused is the fact that it will apparently be daubed with “official Spice Girls reunion artwork – which the Mail has helpfully drafted an “artist’s impression” of:
We look forward to listening in to the Air Traffic Control feeds when that one taxis into Heathrow. “Roger that, United, we have… OH CHRIST ALMIGHTY, WHAT IS THAT?”
All that’s missing are some airbrushed flames and a Native American Indian looking through a dream-catcher while holding a wolf. More » 
Our Worst Fears Are Realised; Next Up: Pizza Shapes To Be Discontinued, Comet Set To Destroy Earth, Etc
2:07PM Clem Bastow | We told you Natalie “Greedy Use Of Consonants” Bassingthwaighte was in the running to host the Australian version of So You Think You Can Dance, well, turns out she’s snared the gig.
Read on while we stroke our double-barrel and mutter “soon, soon…” have a little sook.
As an accomplished actress, rock-chick and musical theatre performer, Bassingthwaighte is perfectly poised to host the anticipated series – one of Ten’s biggest offerings for 2008.
Joined by judging panel Bonnie Lythgoe, events guru and choreographer Jason Coleman and dance talents Matt Lee, Bassingthwaighte kicked off the show’s national auditions in Adelaide yesterday ahead of grooving into Sydney on November 3 and 4.
The very thought of Natalie “grooving” into anywhere is enough to make us seethe with rage.
All we can hope for now is for Rhonda “Rooter” Burchmore to make as many appearances in the guest judges’ seat as humanly possible, before whipping off her suit to reveal a spangly outfit and taking everyone through a rousing tour of the Ann Miller songbook. More » 
Amy Winehouse Round-Up: Amy N Blake 2gether 4ever Swalk
2:02PM Clem Bastow | Dear old Winegums continues to act like a giddy teenager, most recently leaping over trainstation turnstiles to get one last pash from husband Blake Fielder-Civil before heading off on tour.
We’d think such behaviour was adorable and wish to have a similarly unbreakable romantic bond with our beloved if Winegums didn’t make it look so, well, annoying.
Minutes after kissing him goodbye at their Camden flat, Amy arrived at the Eurostar Terminal in South London looking tearful. She was with a man, thought to be her tour manager, and they were met by a policeman and a Eurostar official.
But after going down the stairs she had a sudden change of heart about leaving Blake behind.
More » 
Adrian Grenier’s Aussie Reign Of Terror Continues
1:54PM Clem Bastow | First he was embarrassing innocent ironwomen by not returning their (PR manager’s) calls, now it seems Hollywood hunk Adrian Grenier – visiting our shores to promote Entourage – is at it again: bustin’ up defenceless publicists’ engagements!
Will there be no end to this cad’s mistreatment of our country’s women? Somebody call Border Security!
Fashion publicist Kellee Cruse may have lost an important member of her entourage following her late-night nightclub antics with visiting US star Adrian Grenier last week.
It is believed Cruse’s fiance, Melbourne-based publicist Steve Rainey, has called off their engagement after news of Cruse’s brush with Hollywood broke.
Confidential understands Rainey made a mercy dash to Sydney on Saturday to confront his girlfriend, who – along with her gal pal Amba Eggleton – spent Thursday night getting up close and personal with Entourage star Grenier at Hugo’s and Hemmesphere.
Jeez, they won’t let Snoop Dogg into the country, but they let in this seedy-eyed pin-up cad?
He clearly has no regard for our Australian way of life, i.e. knowing that engaged women are off the market, every backyard has a Hills Hoist made of wattle and Vegemite, and that kangaroos are for riding to work. More » 
Aussie Starlets Celebrate International Dump-Your-Manager Week
1:44PM Clem Bastow | Dumping your manager: it’s all the rage, apparently. Holly Valance did it, and Ricki-Lee’s doing it – have YOU dumped your manager? [Name], it’s so easy!
Anyway, if you can forgive that little foray into the world of Reader’s Digest-style win-a-holiday-house-for-24 nonsense, it seems Holly Valance’s success post-manager dumping is being touted as a “don’t worry, luv – see? It can work out” comforter for Ricki-Lee, who’s just done the managerial splits – or something like that.
The former Neighbours actress incurred the cost of an unsuccessful – and expensive – legal wrangle to get rid of Michaelson but would she do it again? Absolutely.
Valance was left with a $350,000 hole in her pocket but has since gone on to double her money after relocating to Los Angeles and winning roles in hit US TV shows Prison Break, Entourage and CSI:NY.
“Money is so transient, it comes and it goes,” the Aussie stunner has told Men’s Style magazine.
“I own a pretty nice condo in Hollywood. Have you heard of him lately?”
Take that, Scott “Never Heard Of Him, Never Want To” Michaelson! How’s that $350,000 feeling now, eh? Yeah, Ho-Val showed you good and proper, didn’t she?
You could even say she gave him the KISS KISS off, but you’d be punning and there’s no need for that this early in the week, is there? More » 