Monday, October 1, 2007
Kylie Leaves Documentary Highlights, Hopefully Need For New Hairstyles, On Cutting Room Floor
5:23PM Clem Bastow | After setting out to make her currently in-production doco a no-holds-barred affair, Our Kylie has evidently gotten the sort of cold feet that don’t bother Morgan Spurlock or the Brian Jonestown Massacre and cut the juicy stuff from her film.
But Kylie unexpectedly axed some of the most shocking scenes from the final edit, including revealing footage of her body after reconstructive surgery and angry rants about her ex fiancé, Martinez.
“Kylie wanted a warts-and-all documentary, but will there are loads of scenes fans will never see,†a source revealed.
Neighbours fans will be disappointed to hear that an interview with her old flame and ex co-star, Jason Donavan, has also been axed after Kylie decided she no longer liked him as a person.
The ’source’s’ list of cut features is such a litany of disappointing omissions that we’re inclined to announce them in a manner befitting the Crazy Sale guy.
KYLIE MINOGUE HAS GONE MAD! All the good bits she promised she’d show you, DUMPED! Post-surgery solidarity-encouraging openness! Ex-boyfriends! All the interesting bits! OUT THEY GO! She’s THROWING THEM OUT THE DOOR! (etc) More » 
Amy Winehouse Round-Up: The Mail Provides Poetry In Pictures
5:05PM Clem Bastow | Our initial suspicions that the Brit press were faffing around in order to keep the words “Amy” and “Winehouse” in their headlines, even if there was no actual news to go with said words, seem to have been vindicated by today’s hard-hitting Mail piece on the rise and rise of the beehive – but nothing explains this better than the picture they have chosen to promote the “story” with:
Celeb hairdresser Alex Foden goes on to tell us, “As well as being very versatile, a taller, thinner beehive can alter the appearance of a person’s natural body shape, adding height and making the face and body look leaner.”
Honestly, this could be the end for Winegums Watch. We’re not sure how much longer we can keep humiliating ourselves like this.
Do you want to keep Winegums Watch alive or should we let it die like all the little acrylics that sacrificed their life to end up in Winegums’ barnet?
Send your love down the well! More » Does This Now Mean We Are Fashion Innovators, Too?
4:26PM Clem Bastow | Kelly Osbourne stropped her way to the laundry in London clutching what looked like the sort of red/blue/white-checked plastic bag we all use for washing day, moving house, hiding bodyparts, etc.
The bag was, however, the Louis Vuitton limited edition version of pretty much exactly the same bag. We saw a photo of it accompanying an article last year and just assumed it was a bit of clever Photoshoppery, but evidently we were wrong.
The exclusive label has launched a limited-edition designer version of the oversized checked plastic bag, which has long been famous for its practicality rather than aesthetic appeal.
At first we thought it would be a finely-woven leather version of the bag, but in some sort of Dadaist freak-out, it’s just plastic, like the $2 ones.
You know, these ones. Yup. For £1200.
As Patrick Stewart so sagely said, it’s too late; we’ve seen it all.
Looking forward to the Prada ‘green bag’ and the Balenciaga stubby holder with a sand-covered bare male bum on it. More » 
Lily Allen Forgets That Mics Are For Singing Into, Not Swearing
2:05PM Clem Bastow | We’re beginning to suspect it might be worth shelving Winegums Watch for Lily LULZ, since fun-sized chanteuse Lily Allen brings the laffs with fewer actually worrying substance abuse issues and/or family upsets.
What’s she up to this time? Leaving her microphone on too long!
*crowd goes “Ohhh, Lily!*
The pop star was judging acts on British TV programme Talent Show Unsigned – when she took a shine to the frontman of band The Revenue.
She said to pals: “He’s fit. I would f**k him!” – but was stunned when she was told her microphone was still on.
That’s it; “he’s fit, I would fuck him” is the new “Tap dat” or “I’d hit it”. Straight, and to the point.
Lily “Reverse Milli Vanilli” Allen, we salute you! More » 
Shane MacGowan Gives You More Information Than You Ever Wanted, And We’re Not Talking About His Dental Records
2:01PM Clem Bastow | In a piece that made us feel more than a little icky this morning, Shane MacGowan has decided to enlighten everyone as to the ins and outs of Kate Moss and Pete Doherty’s (fortunately now well and truly “off”) on and off relationship.
Evidently acting as the ex-couple’s unofficial press rep, the Pogues boozer told the Mirror:
“They were one of those couples that would argue loads but when they got back together they would have mind-blowing sex.” Shane, who is rumoured to have offered Pete a place to stay when he comes out of rehab, went on: “They had this great chemistry and that’s something they’ll miss.”
Kate and Pete having “mindblowing” sex. Kate and Pete having “mindblowing” sex! Shane MacGowan’s teeth! Kate and Pete having “mindblowing” sex! Pete Doherty’s peen! Shane MacGowan’s teeth! The baby sleeps in the crib now! Hello, Joe! Iron helps us play! More » 
Ronnie Wood Has Quite A Few Things He Wants To Tell You
1:40PM Clem Bastow | With the kind of breathless enthusiasm we’ve come to know and love, the Mail is offering a few tidbits from Rolling Stone Ron Wood’s upcoming memoirs, starting with the awesomely titled “The day Keith Richards pulled a gun on me…by fellow Rolling Stone Ronnie Wood“.
As you can imagine, the story is the sort of drug-fuelled lunacy that the Stones copyrighted in the ’70s, but our favourite part is the “read more” options offered up by the Mail. To say it’s an embarrassment of riches would be an understatement!
Take that, Tony Curtis!
At the rate they’re going, Ron and the Mail will be down to “I went to the shops yesterday” and “Sometimes I have tea instead of coffee with my morning papers” by the end of the week. More » 
Elle Sez Older Women Can Feel Sexy And Charismatic; No Shit, Sez Majority Of Female Population Who Aren’t 16-Year-Old Models
1:36PM Clem Bastow | In another of those stories that make us say “well, duh” while masking a pang of sadness that such things even need to be reiterated in the press, Elle Macpherson – a ripe old dame at the age of 43; pictured walking, miraculously, without her frame – has told Harper’s Bazaar that she still feels sexy as she gets older.
We need to be told this because you could be forgiven for thinking that women died at about 38, such is the paucity of “older” females in the fashion industry public eye.
“Only as I get older do I feel really beautiful, sexy and charismatic, enigmatic and interesting and all those things one likes to feel about oneself,” Elle tells the latest issue of Harper’s Bazaar.
As if to prove the point, in the fashion bible’s photo shoot Elle has cloned Mrs Robinson, the movie role made famous by Anne Bancroft in The Graduate.
So, in other words, photo editors of Harper’s, an “older” woman can still be sexy, provided a) she gets around in high-class lingerie, b) she looks like Elle and c) that young men still find her attractive.
Honestly, is it too much to ask that women of 40+ aren’t spoken of with the same hushed reverence that you might use to discuss a person who has managed to live past 100? More » 
Kelly Clarkson And Jacob Butler BFF; Marty Simpson Pressured To Reveal Long-Term Web Romance With Fantasia Barrino
1:25PM Clem Bastow | Whoda thunk it? Apparently Kelly Clarkson – who put in a lacklustre performance on Friday at Melbourne’s Palais Theatre (we know because, like, someone rang us mid-Since You’ve Been Gone with their phone in the air) – is totally besties with everyone’s favourite Idol “knob” (thanks, Dicko), Jacob Butler!
Rock-lover Butler spent time on the road with Churko and Clarkson when they travelled through London, Cardiff and Dublin in 2006.
Butler is reportedly stoked to be reuniting with his old gal pal when she hits the stage to perform Never Again.
And “never again” was apparently what Kelly was seen mouthing to her peeps when walking away from farewelling Butler at the airport!
Or, at least, that’s what we’d say. More » 
Our Nic’s Rugby Demands Are So Ridiculous We Can’t Actually Work Out Where “Reasonable” Stops And “Ridiculous” Begins
1:14PM Clem Bastow | There was more than one “one day in September” this weekend just past, with the NRL Grand Final hitting the Telstra Stadium and bringing with it the usual sports-fan glitterati including various politicians, sports heroes and local celebs – including Our Nicole Kidman and her crew.
Evidently Nic had the nerve to ask for a box seat, which has been dubbed “ridiculous” by our friends at News Ltd.
The Hollywood stars refused 10 free tickets on the halfway line – instead demanding a private box. Telstra officials politely told the Kidman camp they might be better off watching it at home.
To put that into perspective, already enjoying their private boxes and executive lounges were Molly Meldrum, Jon “INXS Featuring” Stevens and Prime Minister John Howard.
We’re not much for celebrity whinging, but really, if Jon Stevens can make it to “Level 3″ (where the private seating is; not a MUD reference), how come Oscar-winners are advised to watch from home? It’s just un-Australian! More » 