Sienna Miller Photo-Op Marred By Ugly Accusations Of Camera-Rape

By now, we hang on every word of the thoughtful analysis of the charms of our nation’s steel towns that drip like honey from the lips of reticent, camera-shy starlet Sienna Miller. Thrillingly, The Sun reports that, while stumbling out of celebration for her clothing line’s London debut, Sienna was caught on tape delivering an elegant stream of nuanced social commentary at the throng of waiting photographers:

She shouted: “F*** off, you f***ing ****s.

“See you in court, you f***ing rapists.”

One photographer who was at the launch said he was shocked at the outburst.

He said: “I was quite flabbergasted.

“We were just doing our jobs, all we were trying to do was get some quotes on how the opening of the shop went and she called us all rapists. [...]

It was completely the wrong context to use that word.”

Many thanks to this innocent working man for clearing up that no actual rape was involved, as, quite frankly, we’re still disoriented from the news that the expired It Girl – mild-mannered dispenser of love-taps; accidental potty-mouth – would embarrass herself in public. It’s a slippery slope from here; if she’s not careful, such skirmishes might altogether erase America’s memory of her marginal career as a semi-professional cuckolded girlfriend who also sometimes acts. It hardly bodes well that she has yet to win a part as a Hogwarts teacher or walk-on mythical woodland creature in the Harry Potter films – roles we assumed were a birthright to any British citizen who has ever written “actor” in the occupation line of their tax returns. Maybe she should just give up now.

• Sienna’s Vile Drunken Tirade [The Sun Online]