Mel Gibson Chooses Costa Rican Bandit Country Over Malibu Beaches

We know we’re all still recovering from Kiefer Sutherland’s drunken tackling of our collective Christmas tree, but, unfortunately, nothing but more heartache awaits: as noted in the above Today clip, Malibu land baron Mel Gibson, whose despotic control of the sleepy beachside community was undermined by some ill-chosen, tequila-drenched words about his Semitic and sugar-titted subjects, is abandoning our fine city for the badlands of Costa Rica, ignoring the warnings of a government concerned for the safety of our emigrating national treasure. We have no one to blame but ourselves for this crippling loss; had we embraced Gibson during this turbulent time in his life as warmly as the more forgiving Costa Ricans locals, maybe he’d still be building pre-Vatican II megachurches with stunning vistas of Carbon Beach instead of in the bandit-plagued wilds of Central America.

• Today Show [NBC.com]
• Gibson braves kidnap threats [Metro]