Joss Stone Available For Weddings, Parties, Anything; Hefty Price Tag The Only Drawback

Planning your work’s festivus celebration in December, but unable to agree upon the entertainment? Sal in marketing is insisting on Amazing Danny, the popular party magician, whilst Jamal from accounts won’t stop raving about the Boogie Fever 70’s Retro Disco Show Band. If something isn’t decided upon quick sticks, there will be blood shed!

Well, bicker no longer, because you’d be MAD to miss out on hiring pink streak-happy Devon soul singer Joss Stone – for a totally reasonable $100,000!

As the 20-year-old singer is swinging into Sydney for a series of concert dates in early December, her US management have contacted celebrity endorsement agency Markson Sparks! to help them capitalise on her visit.

“Joss Stone is looking for commercial endorsements/sponsorship opportunities while she is touring OZ in December this year,” was the notice posted by a Markson Sparks! publicist on industry website Social Diary yesterday.

“There is also an opportunity to have her perform live at your next private event.”

But as this lovely lady isn’t your average RSL entertainer, those keen to sign Stone to their stage should expect to dig deep – you’ll need at least 100,000 big ones.

Being a bit short of a buck at the moment, it looks like Defamer Australia will have to pass on the idea of getting Joss to perform at our end of year knees up. Never mind. Instead, Defamer Australia’s associate editor Clem “CLAM!” Bastow and yours truly will simply continue indulging in what we like to refer to during I’d Rather Jack as Joss Stone Primal Scream Therapy.

Essentially, this involves two people singing the chorus of Joss Stone’s MEGA HIT Super Duper Love back and forth – ensuring that the throaty passion of Ms Stone’s voice is impersonated and yes, exaggerated, to the nth degree.

Person 1: Yeh! Are you diggin’ on me?
Person 2: Oooooh! I’m diggin’ on you now, baby!

(repeat)

It may sound strange, but it’s incredibly soothing and tends to calm even the most stressed of individuals. So if you can’t afford to muster up the cash for actual Joss Stone, then simply indulge in some Joss Stone Primal Scream Therapy* – it’s free, and the aural cacophony that’ll ensue will probably be just as pleasant to listen to as the star herself!

*Coming soon – Toni Childs’ Primal Growl Therapy, involving the song “Stop Your Fussin’”