Dirty Bert Giving Channel 9 Audiences Bad Vibrations

Channel 9 has been served a can of whoop ass by a watchdog after the network failed to respond adequately to complaints issued about the ‘whoops matron’-style gags made by Bert Newton on Bert’s Family Feud.

Family groups are sooking because not only did Bert get all Brighton Pier in the 5pm timeslot, but because the gags are still being replayed on the ninemsn website.

The controversy follows Newton’s man-on-man pash with Rove McManus for charity and greeting Footy Show compere Garry Lyon on air with “Hello Garry, you old poof”.

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Viewers slammed the airing at 5pm of the incident in which the topic of sex toys was repeatedly brought up. Newton asked a young female contestant to name a gift that was hard to return.

“This is a pretty filthy answer, but it’s all I can think of and there’s dirty people in your audience,” the woman said. “So I’m going to go with vibrator.”

Newton then made a series of vibrator jokes. “I can hear a hum of some kind,” he said before telling the woman to check her trousers. Newton then asked the contestant’s sister if she wanted “to get down and dirty” and, while hugging the woman, said: “I think you may have left your motor running.”

Is there no end to the man’s genius? Can you imagine being bear-hugged by Bert (who is, we should mention, probably one of the tallest and biggest – like he’s been zapped by the Honey, I Blew Up The Kid! ray – men we’ve ever clapped eyes upon) while he made a series of vibrator-related single-entendres? Our minds are collectively boggling!

If we start a petition to get Bert to host every televised awards ceremony in the country, will you sign it?