Thursday, September 27, 2007
The Unfolding Mystery Of Chipshop’s Un-Miscarriage
12:31PM Clem Bastow | We touched on Kerry “Chipshop” Katona’s pregnancy issues earlier in the week, so we were saddened to read this morning that the ex-Mrs Brian McFadden had suffered a miscarriage – until we switched tabloids and discovered that, apparently, she didn’t miscarry after all.
Confused? So are we (and, we’re guessing, so is Kerry).
Her publicist Max Clifford added: “After further examination it has been revealed that Kerry Katona is still pregnant.
“Kerry went back into hospital for a medical procedure on Tuesday night.
“However, a blood test revealed surprising results – her pregnancy hormones had gone up, not down.
“Kerry was taken for a second scan and was shown her baby’s 3mm heart beat. It has transpired that Kerry is only five weeks pregnant, not seven-eight weeks, which is why the scan was not clear and coupled with bleeding led to her being diagnosed with having had a miscarriage.”
We’d say something about women learning to wait until the three-month mark to announce their pregnancies, but somehow doubt – as much as it pains us to admit it – that Chipshop is fervently browsing Defamer Australia in her hospital bed.
So does this mean that the British press can go back to blaming her troubles on pre-natal “enjoyment” of class A drugs now?
Tune in next week! More » 
Kate Moss ‘Officially’ Freed From Pete Doherty; Rejoicing In The Streets, Free Ice-Cream For All Children And Other Living Things
12:18PM Clem Bastow | It seems Kate Moss’ relationship with The Kills’ Jamie Hince is going rather well, with our favourite supermodel apparently telling her “Primrose Hill set” pals that the pair are “engaged”.
Please read on while we take a moment to whoop and spin around while clapping our hands.
Sources close to 33-year-old Kate, said that Sunday’s engagement isn’t formal but it’s Kate’s way of showing her love for Jamie – who she has been dating for a few weeks – and also her way of letting former love, rocker Pete Doherty, know that it is over between them – for ever.
Kate reportedly told friends: “I love Jamie so much – we’re engaged!”
The night before her bold statement, Kate and The Kills guitarist Jamie, 39, attended a friend’s wedding and spent the night getting closer than ever.
“Getting closer than ever” apparently involved bonking for 12-hours straight, or something, during which Kate informally popped the question.
Even though we’re slightly bittersweet about all this (we always wanted Kate to reunite with Jefferson Hack and make more obscenely cute children), anything’s better than seeing her with that slimeball Doherty again (who, incidentally, was spotted on the same night, getting closer than ever to a potplant before tipping its contents on his head and then informally proposing to a horse and cart). More » 
Fall Out Boy In Australia For The Love Of Music, Maaan, Making Accidental Political Commentary
12:11PM Clem Bastow | In town for a few gigs attended by the sort of young people that will see Supré stores and Boost Juice bars temporarily deserted and MSN group chats sinking into eerie silence, Fall Out Boy singer Patrick Stump (i.e. the one who isn’t Pete Wentz) has spoken about his band’s rise to fame, but not before unwittingly making a comment on Australian culture’s increasing Americanisation:
“I don’t think there’s another place on earth that feels more like the States than Australia,” Stump said.
“I think we have a much more shared culture than even the States and Canada. It’s weird.”
Sadly, Stump made no comments about what it’s like to be the first frontman to be made ‘just one of the out-of-focus guys’ by the dick-flashing/Simpson-shagging antics of his bassist.
This is as good a time as ever to remind you (after the jump) of the brilliance of this YouTubed “translation” of the lyrics of Fall Out Boy’s song, Dance Dance, aka “Ted’s Pants”. More » 
Our Shoddy Photoshop Skills Prove Prescient In Picking Idol Romances
11:47AM Clem Bastow | Turns out Marty was copping a feel of Idol’s Lana, as we surmised a week or so ago, as Kyle Sandilands got Marty to admit (in a round-about way) on his radio show.
Lana, who was booted on Monday night, has admitted she will “keep in touch” with the surfer dude and Police fan, which is code for “we will be having lots of R-rated iChat sessions when my parents are out of the house”.
The Idol judge said he asked Marty if he was “going the distance” with little Lana, 17, because everyone was talking about it – and the singer’s response was, “Yeah”.
Lana admitted there was an attraction between the pair. But she said nothing happened besides “a couple of cuddles”.
“A couple of cuddles”?! Judging by Matt Corby and Brianna “Quirky” Carpenter’s fast hands in the spa-bath, which were brushed off as just fun between mates, lord knows what “a couple of cuddles” could stand for!
If only Idol itself could be as entertaining on-screen as this year’s off-duty escapades. More » 
Incestuous Aussie Soap Romances Cause Planets To Allign As Summer Bay Meets Ramsay Street
11:36AM Clem Bastow | Sadly, that headline is not announcing news of a Law & Order-meets-The Practice style crossover movie-length-special where Alf does battle with Lou, culminating in a live performance from Kate Alexa on the foreshore, but rather that H&A “hottie” Bobby Morley has been apparently getting his paws on Ramsay Street’s favourite mafia princess/nun/mum-to-be, Natalie Blair aka Carmella “In No Way Named After The Sopranos Character” Cammeniti.
Evidently “sources” were all over Confidential, reporting that Morley was pashing the Logie-winner and Neighbours star – despite being officially attached, OMG, to his H&A girlfriend Jessica Tovey! Again, OMG!
Morley’s random soapie starlet swapping behaviour yesterday prompted his It Takes Two singing partner Jade MacRae to weigh into the situation – saying she thinks the hot-blooded lad “needs to be single”.
Sage words there from Jade; perhaps News Ltd would consider giving her a dating advice column? It couldn’t be much worse than “Ask Bossy”! More » 
Kylie Changes Her Hair And Make-Up; Burma Protests Move Off Front Page
11:20AM Clem Bastow | If the Brit press’ slightly worrying obsession with tracking each of Kylie Minogue’s hairdo changes has been making it difficult for you to sleep, then perhaps you will be better off not “enjoying” the sample shots for her new official calendar.
News Ltd has a few samples from the 2008 glossy here, only we’re slightly confused as to the 95% or so of the gallery that doesn’t include the calendar previews, including a shot of Kylie accompanied by this caption:
Mourning … It was a sad time in Kylie’s life when ex-boyfriend Michael Hutchence died. The star is pictured here at his Sydney funeral.
And then there’s the candid on-set snap of Kylie and Van Damage himself, helpfully captioned:
Movie aspirations … Jean Claude van Damme cast Kylie Minogue in his Streetfighter film.
We’re not sure why this gallery has puzzled us so this morning, but it could be the combination of seeing drag queen make-up and Jean Claude Van Damme before breakfast. In any case, we’re going to have a Bex and a nice lie down. More » Letter From The Editor
10:44AM Jess McGuire | Greetings, beloved readers of Defamer Australia.
This is your captain Jess McGuire speaking. This is a quick note to inform you that I shall be absent from this darling site for the next week and a bit, as I am heading up north to frolic on the beach with my family and attend to important business like trying to develop some vague form of tan on my pale Irish skin.
As I’ve been rather quiet for the previous fortnight anyways*, this will probably not affect much around these parts, and our wonderful Associate Editor Clem “CLAM” Bastow – prize winning jam/hat/cupcake maker and the current proud owner of many blue ribbons from the Royal Melbourne Show YES I AM QUITE SERIOUS – will be blogging like a demon in my absence to ensure your Antipodean reading needs are met.
Do take care, and if I can find some sort of internet “facility” in the tiny country town I will be swanning around looking completely out of place in, I will attempt to bang out a post or two.
In closing, CARN GEELONG/THE STORM!
x
*Would you like to know why? The delivery man from [INSERT WHITEGOOD SELLING PLACE HERE], a charming old Italian gent with a heart of gold and questionable body odour, managed to drop my new fridge on my arm whilst I helped him cart it into my digs. To make up for the screaming, horrible pain I suffered after this misstep, he sweetly took ten bucks off the delivery fee which seemed reasonable at the time. But it has resulted it two weeks of OWWW and made it quite annoying to try and write/turn keys/pursue my dream career as a concert pianist. A holiday away from keyboards and fist fights ought to fix it right up though, so don’t you worry your pretty heads about it. More » 
Amy Winehouse Round-Up: The Celebrity News Service That Will Never Say Die
10:17AM Clem Bastow | Winegums Watch continues to slip in and out of consciousness, but fortunately we can always rely on the press to winkle a few slaggy-offy quotes out of Winegums’ peers; step up to today’s plate, K.T. “Unlikely To Have Another Hit After Suddenly I See” Tunstall!
“I’m sure lots of people would love to see me on coke coming out of a club. But there’s way too much at stake to muck it up just because I would get better known for being an idiot than for being a musician.”
Here’s where we make a hilarious gag about Tunstall’s illustrious career as a musician encompassing airings of Suddenly I See on Ghost Whisperer and in the “moving video farewell montage” segment of the second series of So You Think You Can Dance. More » 
Charlie Sheen No Longer Wants To Shoot Talentless Ex-Wife Denise Richards Into Space
7:30AM Defamer Hollywood | Yet more from the ongoing custody battle between Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards, which began as a shame-free environment, and has quickly degenerated from there: Richards has now employed a former nanny to make several nauseating allegations about Sheen inappropriately touching his daughters. Not that he’s all bad: She also acknowledges that Charlie has made an effort at mending fences, particularly with the following retraction: In an Aug. 24 e-mail, he apologised for “[my] vile attacks on your very soul … A comment about your poor Mum … your professional status … More »
