To wit: Jordan and Pete: "Our sex life is like film Hostel".

Yes, Hostel - the torturecore flick about businessmen gouging out people's eyes and setting them on fire/girls being gutted while hanging above a naked, masturbating chick in a bathtub/horny American backpackers.

In an interview with OK magazine, she said: "Pete is the sicko, not me. I'm an extremist.

"Have you seen the film Hostel? Our sex life is like that."

…

We tried to come up with something hilarious to say in response, but… words fail us.

While you were sleeping:
· Big is back: first SATC photo! Our lives will soon be complete.
· Every androgynous attention whore is a TV show now! Hey, if it will piss Perez Hilton off...
· A cutie to break up the even more dreary sagas of Spectorwatch and OJ Fleewatch.

It's still good:
· Mini Olivia Newton John sings, cause for concern.
· Most useless list eva.
· How can we resist any tidbit on Naomi Robson, hard-hitting journo and former darling of the over-sixty set?

Doesn't Kate Moss - pictured here arriving at the Golden Age of Couture exhibition at the Victoria & Albert Museum with "date" Mario Testino - look lovely in her vintage '30s evening dress?

Doesn't that fabric look as beautifully fragile as butterfly wings?

Don't you reckon a vintage dress in that condition would be worth a pretty penny?

None of these thoughts, evidently, ran through Courtney Love's mind when, after a photocall with Moss, she trod on Moss' dress and ripped a bloody big hole in it.

The 43-year-old American actress, not noticing Miss Moss's two-foot train, stomped all over the delicate satin.

As a distinct tearing noise reverberated around the museum, the 33-year-old supermodel anxiously looked over her shoulder to discover a tiny rip in the material.

As the night grew longer, so did the rip - until Miss Moss's beautiful £650 gown was in tatters.

Eventually, there was nothing for it but to hoist the full-length skirt to safety and tie it just below her hip.

· Music roundup: Borne tour Victoria; Little Birdy at the HiFi, Melbourne; My Name Is John at the Empire, Annandale (clip for What A Beautiful Day above).

· Parklife is set to invade five capital cities this year, kicking off in Melbourne and Adelaide this weekend.

· The Sydney Theatre Company presents Don's Party, David Williamson's uproarious Australian comedy of political banter over booze.

· Stardust, Superbad and Strummer: The Future Is Unwritten opens in cinemas.

· Heads up: Tix to The Waifs' extra show at the Forum on sale Friday.

Marcia Hines was not the bundle of joyous smiles and constructive not-really-criticism that we've all come to know and love when she was pwned by Channel Nine's new video prank show, Surprise Surprise Gotcha (the title of which demonstrates the wit and élan we've come to expect from the network).

Apparently Hines and daughter Deni were sprung, while at lunch, by a wacky/zany/madcap fellow from the show who was masquerading as a "business associate" of Deni's.

"Basically she was in a foul mood and had no sense of humour about the situation," a source from the program told Confidential yesterday. "She just didn't want to react to what was happening at all."

When told the whole scenario was a joke, Hines "totally spat it" and stormed out of the room, leaving her daughter red-faced in the restaurant.

Well, we didn't think the day would come - at least in light of recent Winegums exploits - but here we are, announcing the unthinkable: Amy Winehouse has won a MOBO Award!

The 24-year-old was nominated for four MOBOs, including best R&B act, best video and best song for Rehab, about someone who refuses to seek help for their drinking at a clinic.

She beat Beverley Knight, Jamelia, Corinne Bailey Rae and Joss Stone to win the best UK female prize.

Or something like that.

We're inexplicably excited today about the forthcoming feature adaptation of the beloved HBO series, as New Line has issued a press release celebrating the movie's first day of production, one that includes this first-ever photo from the set to further commemorate this special occasion.

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Callously ignoring the eyeliner-streaked exhortations of America's next top reality television star, Us Weekly refuses to release its pit-bull like grip on the neck of the utterly defenceless Britney Spears, continuing its weeks-long, cover-based assault with their new MUMMY'S CRYING! issue.

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The Phil Spector jury still sits deadlocked, one faction firmly convinced the pouffy-wigged eccentric shot Barbarian Queen star Lana Clarkson's in the mouth, the other feeling Spector was merely the victim of a convoluted self-murder plot for which he'd unwittingly provide a suicide-friendly foyer and firearm. Presiding Judge Larry Paul Fidler, meanwhile, in his ongoing attempts to shake some clear-minded consensus into the divided group, has opted not to offer the option of a reduced sentence of manslaughter:

The judge told lawyers he was considering allowing the panel to consider a lesser charge, but later decided against making involuntary manslaughter an option for the jurors.

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We're not sure what keeps bringing us back to Rosie O'Donnell's Flickr page, which offers an unfailingly terrifying glimpse inside the mind's eye of Barbara Walters' former co-host.

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Why, you may ask, are we once again subjecting you to the tear-soaked, not at all calculated defence of the 44 Blue (of Survive This!, Mega Movers, and Designing Blind fame) has signed the histrionic, oft-parodied YouTubes sensation to a development deal:

"Chris first got on our radar a year ago," said 44 Blue prexy/co-founder Rasha Drachkovitch, who said he wants to develop a show that plays to Crocker's strengths.

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· Viacom CEO Philippe Dauman prepares for the jilting DreamWorks partners David Geffen and Steven Spielberg may inflict upon Paramount, calling their potential departure for a new studio venture "completely immaterial" to his company's happiness and inviting the pair to "go ahead and fuck whoever you want, you disloyal little tramps, see if I care! My heart will go on!" [Variety]
· Jimmy Kimmel will host the AMAs* for an amazing fourth time. [*the American Music Awards, more popularly known as the "Retarded Grammies."] [THR]
· Happy news: AMC is about to pick up the awesome Mad Men for a second season, the network's tribute to the drinking--Scotch-in-the-office, secretary-banging heyday of the 1960s advertising world. [Variety]
· Eddie Haskell is mad as hell at SAG over undisbursed foreign Beaver residuals and not going to take it anymore [THR]
· It's Matthew McConaughey's Hollywood, and we're all just living in it: Jennifer Garner is in negotiations to star opposite a "charmingly womanising" McConaughey in New Line's Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, and McConaughey takes Owen Wilson's place in Tropic Thunder, from which Wilson recently withdrew due to, um, "creative differences" or something. [Variety]

· Simpson was released today on $US125,000 bail. He also had his passport confiscated, though he'll be able to travel within the U.S., by air, rail, or very slowly moving SUV. [Reuters]
· Simpson's lawyer Yale Galanter said his client would enter a plea of not guilty to the charges, which, by way of review, are "conspiracy to commit a kidnapping, coercion with a deadly weapon, burglary while in possession of a deadly weapon, conspiracy to commit robbery and two counts each of first-degree kidnapping with use of a deadly weapon." [LAT]

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Having subjected Defamer videographer Molly McAleer to a number of assignments on the filthy sidewalks of Hollywood Boulevard, we decided it was time she got to class things up a bit and tote her camera to a red carpet, so we dispatched her to the Maxim Style Awards at Avalon last night to see what would happen. Unsurprisingly, an encounter with party ubiquity Bai Ling ensued (who we're not entirely sure exists outside of the event circuit), as did some firing squad time with Brady-loving former Top Model Adrianne Curry. Part I of Molly's video report is above, while the thrilling conclusion--starring a dude from Weeds who discusses his co-star's recent adoption news--follows after the jump:

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· Since we suspect you found Rosie O'Donnell's face-griddling by the Nip/Tuck sickies as unpleasant as we did, please enjoy the above visual palate cleanser.
· Deflowering Britney Spears did not grant Justin Timberlake any special insight into her current mental state.
· The wearing of wigs in public is probably the most normal part of Paris, Prince, and Blanket Jackson's childhood.
· Ben Greenman presents "Me and OJ! The Musical."
· Upcoming NBC online service quickly declared "crappiest video download site ever." Also, "loathsome, defective."

Deeply hurt by Viacom CEO Philippe Dauman's efforts to emotionally distance himself from an eventual break-up with an allegedly dissatisfied Steven Spielberg, DreamWorks BFF Jeffrey Katzenberg has publicly come to the defence of the director, advising the mouthy executive to tread lightly when appraising the value of his priceless longtime partner. Reports Var:

Jeffrey Katzenberg got his partner Steven Spielberg's back Wednesday, calling him "nothing short of a national treasure" and chiding Viacom CEO Philippe Dauman for implying otherwise.

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Since we're never ones to ignore the announcement of a perfectly good, publicity-attracting, $US65 million nuisance lawsuit against a high-profile show business personality, we note Air America radio show host Cenk Uygur's declaration of legal war against Stephen Colbert, whom he accuses of stealing a joke that no two individuals, save perhaps millions of Star Trek fans familiar with the Klingonian code of honour, could possibly have arrived at independently. You can watch him plead his case above; hopefully, this ugliness can be settled out of court, perhaps with an invitation by the Colbert Report camp for Uygur to join their Trekkie host in a Klingon Joke-Off reminiscent of the Metaphor-Off that salvaged Colbert's relationship with Sean Penn.

• Cenk Plans to Sue Stephen Colbert! [TheYoungTurks.com]

Among Big Brother's cast of dim-bulbed reality TV cretins obsessed with the utterly meaningless Golden Power of Head of Veto, it was contestant Amber, whom we first discovered after she made some extremely controversial statements about Jewish New York Americans, who most drew us in. But something in this post-finale interview (Tommy Lee lifestyle-aspirant "Evil" Dick Donato won, if you care) led us to wonder if Amber really was the bipolar Jew-hating illiterate she skillfully presented for the cameras, as she managed to make it to the end of the interview without once cursing the mistrustful Chosen People, bursting into tears, or asking what 25 cent words like "intuition" and "empathetic" meant before using them appropriately in a sentence.

• Big Brother 8 Amber After Finale Interview [YouTube via RealityTVCafe.com]