Thursday, September 20, 2007
Sometimes A Story Comes Along That Is So Wtf It Disables Our Ability To Create Witty, Punny Headlines
10:31AM Clem Bastow | To wit: Jordan and Pete: “Our sex life is like film Hostel“.
Yes, Hostel – the torturecore flick about businessmen gouging out people’s eyes and setting them on fire/girls being gutted while hanging above a naked, masturbating chick in a bathtub/horny American backpackers.
In an interview with OK magazine, she said: “Pete is the sicko, not me. I’m an extremist.
“Have you seen the film Hostel? Our sex life is like that.”
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We tried to come up with something hilarious to say in response, but… words fail us. More » 
The Mid-Morning Wrap Up
10:07AM Anna King | While you were sleeping: Big is back: first SATC photo! Our lives will soon be complete. Every androgynous attention whore is a TV show now! Hey, if it will piss Perez Hilton off… A cutie to break up the even more dreary sagas of Spectorwatch and OJ Fleewatch. It’s still good: Mini Olivia Newton John sings, cause for concern. Most useless list eva. How can we resist any tidbit on Naomi Robson, hard-hitting journo and former darling of the over-sixty set? More »
Courtney Shows Kate That Hole Is A Fashion Lifestyle, Not Just A Band
10:04AM Clem Bastow | Doesn’t Kate Moss – pictured here arriving at the Golden Age of Couture exhibition at the Victoria & Albert Museum with “date” Mario Testino – look lovely in her vintage ’30s evening dress?
Doesn’t that fabric look as beautifully fragile as butterfly wings?
Don’t you reckon a vintage dress in that condition would be worth a pretty penny?
None of these thoughts, evidently, ran through Courtney Love’s mind when, after a photocall with Moss, she trod on Moss’ dress and ripped a bloody big hole in it.
The 43-year-old American actress, not noticing Miss Moss’s two-foot train, stomped all over the delicate satin.
As a distinct tearing noise reverberated around the museum, the 33-year-old supermodel anxiously looked over her shoulder to discover a tiny rip in the material.
As the night grew longer, so did the rip – until Miss Moss’s beautiful £650 gown was in tatters.
Eventually, there was nothing for it but to hoist the full-length skirt to safety and tie it just below her hip.
Poor old Courtney; you can’t take her anywhere. The kinder-whore look is well and good when the dress in question is a $5 slip from the Salvos, but this one, probably not so much. More » To Do: Weekend Of Music To Make Love To
10:00AM Anna King | Music roundup: Borne tour Victoria; Little Birdy at the HiFi, Melbourne; My Name Is John at the Empire, Annandale (clip for What A Beautiful Day above). Parklife is set to invade five capital cities this year, kicking off in Melbourne and Adelaide this weekend. The Sydney Theatre Company presents Don’s Party, David Williamson’s uproarious Australian comedy of political banter over booze. Stardust, Superbad and Strummer: The Future Is Unwritten opens in cinemas. Heads up: Tix to The Waifs‘ extra show at the Forum on sale Friday. More »Tv Prank Not In The Back Pocket Wit’ Yo’ Bad Self, Girlfrien’
9:50AM Clem Bastow | Marcia Hines was not the bundle of joyous smiles and constructive not-really-criticism that we’ve all come to know and love when she was pwned by Channel Nine’s new video prank show, Surprise Surprise Gotcha (the title of which demonstrates the wit and élan we’ve come to expect from the network).
Apparently Hines and daughter Deni were sprung, while at lunch, by a wacky/zany/madcap fellow from the show who was masquerading as a “business associate” of Deni’s.
“Basically she was in a foul mood and had no sense of humour about the situation,” a source from the program told Confidential yesterday. “She just didn’t want to react to what was happening at all.”
When told the whole scenario was a joke, Hines “totally spat it” and stormed out of the room, leaving her daughter red-faced in the restaurant.
We knew it! Ever since her eyes shot lasers at Chanel Cole like The Never Ending Story’s oracle trying to fry Atreyu, we knew that underneath Marcia’s soul-food-serving take-us-to-church warmth there lurked a cold and cunning robot interior. Thanks to, er, Surprise Surprise Gotcha for revealing THE TRUTH! More » 
Amy Winehouse Round-Up: Wins Award For Music, We Just Don’t Know What To Do With Ourselves
9:42AM Clem Bastow | Well, we didn’t think the day would come – at least in light of recent Winegums exploits – but here we are, announcing the unthinkable: Amy Winehouse has won a MOBO Award!
The 24-year-old was nominated for four MOBOs, including best R&B act, best video and best song for Rehab, about someone who refuses to seek help for their drinking at a clinic.
She beat Beverley Knight, Jamelia, Corinne Bailey Rae and Joss Stone to win the best UK female prize.
We feel confident that with this strange and wonderful news, the planets will align and we’ll start winning Tattslotto and cooking perfect soufflés every time.
Or something like that. More » 
Sex And The City: The First Photo Of The First Day Of Production
8:30AM Defamer Hollywood | We’re inexplicably excited today about the forthcoming feature adaptation of the beloved HBO series, as New Line has issued a press release celebrating the movie’s first day of production, one that includes this first-ever photo from the set to further commemorate this special occasion. More »
‘Us Weekly’ Tries To Identify Britney Spears’ Darkest Hour
8:15AM Defamer Hollywood | Callously ignoring the eyeliner-streaked exhortations of America’s next top reality television star, Us Weekly refuses to release its pit-bull like grip on the neck of the utterly defenceless Britney Spears, continuing its weeks-long, cover-based assault with their new MUMMY’S CRYING! issue. More »
It’s Second-Degree Murder Or Bust For Hung Spector Jury
8:00AM Defamer Hollywood | The Phil Spector jury still sits deadlocked, one faction firmly convinced the pouffy-wigged eccentric shot Barbarian Queen star Lana Clarkson’s in the mouth, the other feeling Spector was merely the victim of a convoluted self-murder plot for which he’d unwittingly provide a suicide-friendly foyer and firearm. Presiding Judge Larry Paul Fidler, meanwhile, in his ongoing attempts to shake some clear-minded consensus into the divided group, has opted not to offer the option of a reduced sentence of manslaughter: The judge told lawyers he was considering allowing the panel to consider a lesser charge, but later decided against making involuntary manslaughter an option for the jurors. More »
