Monday, September 17, 2007

Blogging The Emmys: Because We’ve All Apparently Got Nothing Better To Do

11:00PM Defamer Hollywood | We’re well aware that “spoilers” for virtually every award handed out during tonight’s Emmys telecast are readily available on these internets, but we’ve avoided ruining what we’re sure will be a evening of amazing surprises by checking news sites or watching the east coast feed. Join us, if you will, in submitting to the Fox network’s tape-delay illusion that we’re experiencing Emmy magic as it happens. Here we go! As always, new entries will appear at the top: 11:09: Well, at least we get to leave on a Sopranos win for Best Drama. We probably would have had to disembowel ourselves with a rusty pasta fork had Grey’s or Boston Legal pulled yet another upset. We apologise for anything we typed after about 9:28 pm. That’s when the double-vision started to kick in, and the realisation the show wasn’t going to get any better really hit us. See you tomorrow, when we’ll all relive this fresh hell together! 11:02: On the other hand, they might have gotten something right in handing an Emmy to 30 Rock. Tina Fey gave a cute enough speech, but we were hoping Tracy Morgan might have gotten a chance to shout incomprehensibly into the mic and then strip off his shirt, threatening to impregnate every lady in the audience. Maybe next year. More »

Celebrities Are Fans, Too: Cherie Luvs Quentin 4 Evs

11:53AM Clem Bastow | We thought The Sun were up to their usual merry tricks when we saw the names ‘Quentin Tarantino’ and ‘Cherie Blair’ used together in quick succession, but it turns out it’s DA TROOF! Evidently the former PM’s wife is a fan of Tarantino’s postmodern hack choppy brilliance, and stalked him like a teenager looking for Zac Efron. In an exclusive interview with The Sun, Tarantino says: “The secret service guy was like, ‘Cherie Blair would like to meet you’. “So I went out and we started talking. She was telling me she was from Liverpool. Then she said, ‘Can we get a picture, do you want to go to my room?’ We took a picture and everything and then we took a picture with all of her lads. “Obviously Cherie liked my work. And so it’s like ‘hello!’ it was a real thrill. “The only other person like that I’ve met before is Al Gore.” Cherie likes witty exploitation flicks? Al Gore’s not so boring that his social security password is ‘AL GORE’? Will the wonders never cease! Next Tarantino will tell us that Courtney Love is not at all mad and that Kanye West is a pretty shy and unassuming dude. More »

This Series Of Screencaps Sums Up Our Feelings About This Year’s ‘Idol’ Final 12

11:31AM Clem Bastow | Watching last night’s “rock” night, the nadir of which was Brianna “Quirky” Carpenter’s tone deaf rendition of Supertramp’s Logical Song, we finally lost hope in this year’s Australian Idol finalists. Here are some screencaps from said performance that, we think, accurately express our thoughts about the Top 12: We’d be tipping Brianna to go home tonight, but who knows? It’s such an incredible smorgasbord of shite embarrassment of riches that it’s anyone’s game!!1! More »

Amy Winehouse Round-Up: Husband Buys Jukebox, Fucken Bashes C*nts

10:54AM Clem Bastow | Our Winegums turned just 24 over the weekend, hip, hip, hip. To celebrate, her husband Blake Fielder-Civil splashed out and nabbed his bride a vintage ’50s jukebox. We had a witty bon mot to add to that, but as you will see at the end of this excerpt, Saint Victoria Newton has reliably beaten us to the punch. Through his mate from band Add N To (X), he managed to get his grubby hands on an original Fifties jukebox complete with vintage vinyl singles — just like the one used by The Fonz in Happy Days. At least it makes a pleasant change from a bag of smack. Victoria then goes on to bring the epic lulz by offering her suggestions for a playlist the juke could be programmed with: 1.Smack My Bitch Up – The Prodigy 2. Drugs Don’t Work – The Verve 3. Brown Sugar – Rolling Stones 4. Golden Brown – The Stranglers 5. White Lines – Grandmaster Flash 6. Needles And Pins – The Searchers 7. Perfect Day – Lou Reed 8. Toxic – Britney Spears 9. Ebenezer Goode – The Shamen 10.And, er, Rehab – Amy Winehouse ROFLCATS! Meanwhile, Blake is not all sunshine and rainbows, appearing in court next month after allegedly smashing a barman in the gob and winning more points towards his Best Human In The World crown. We’re surprised they didn’t wheel out the old “not-so-Civil” gags again… More »

Sienna Miller Shocks World By Playing Free-Spirited Hippy Chick

10:12AM Clem Bastow | In “it was bound to happen sooner or later” news, Sienna Miller (who, incidentally, we’re just sure we’d be best mates with if destiny had a heart and we ever met each other) has been cast as one of Richard Neville’s offsiders in Hippie Hippie Shake, which is currently filming in and around London. So far, this apparently involves Sienna wearing lots of flowers in her hair and getting her stuff out – all of it (NB as much as we hate the term, we should warn you that the pics – if your boss doesn’t like seeing rather nice bottoms – are NSFW). Jude Law’s 25-year-old ex peeled off while filming the Sixties-style comedy in a garden in West London’s trendy Notting Hill Gate. An onlooker said: “She sat on the grass with the flowers in the hair and danced on the grass waving her hands. She looked simply gorgeous.” We also note, from the production deets on IMDb, that Our Emma Booth will be playing Our Germaine Greer in the flick. No word on whether she’ll also be flashing her bits in Notting Hill, sadly. More »

Lily Allen Amazingly Does Not Look As Polished In Real Life As She Does In Highly Retouched Advertising Campaign

10:00AM Clem Bastow | The Mail continues to bring us all the hard-hitting stories we’ve come to expect from a paper of its quality, this time letting us in on a particularly earth-shattering secret: celebrities, like us, sometimes don’t look that great. Personally, we’re shocked; we always thought NW’s “Stars Without Make-Up” issue was a delicately-wrought satire! This week she’s been dubbed a British fashion icon by an influential American magazine and become the gorgeous face of a hair care brand, so it’s reassuring to know that even Lily Allen has the occasional bad day. The singer, who features in the new and highly polished promotional shot for Braun hair products, was last night spotted looking a little worse for wear after another night on the tiles. The story goes on to tell us that, um, she did some stuff, and then put on some clothes, and she’s got some gigs coming up. Or something. More »