Friday, September 14, 2007
Led Zeppelin Reformation Sparks Ticket Frenzy; Mudshark Breeders Of The World Ready Their Stocks
11:20AM Clem Bastow | Fans are going – rightly – berko for tickets to Led Zeppelin’s one-off reformation gig for charity. There are 20,000 available at £125 a pop, with a ballot to decide the successful ticket-holders.
Promoter Harvey Goldsmith is remaining tight-lipped as to whether the gig will lead to further engagements (read: not likely).
He said: “Let’s take it one stage at a time, if they enjoy it who knows what will happen? I hope they do something but only if they are enjoying it and it’s fantastic.”
Given that they decried their Live Aid performance as “foul” and refused to let it be included on the DVD, and that their only other reunion gig found them clashing as to whether or not to play Stairway, we’re not holding our breath.
The band’s historian, Nigel Williamson, also thinks the whole thing is a bad idea. We’re probably in his camp, although we’ve seen Jason Bonham drum and – while not a patch on his dad – he should be able to bang out a beat-perfect sound-alike set. However, we’d rather keep Robert Plant in our memories as the fox of The Song Remains The Same rather than his current incarnation, which is more like Melanie Griffith at her most unhinged. No one wants to see that shit. More » 
Amy Winehouse Round-Up: A New Award To Aim For, Winegums Watch Hanging On By A Very Thin Thread
11:14AM Clem Bastow | The Mirror seems to be having as much trouble adjusting to this slow Winegums news period (sore fingers, distant relatives offering their thoughts, tumbleweeds rolling in the breeze) as we are, offering this paltry piece for today’s Winegums addicts:
She lost out in the Mercury Music Prize and the MTV VMAs – but Amy Winehouse is the favourite to scoop Best Album at the Q Awards.
That’s as much of the article as we can post without actually posting the whole thing.
We’re dyin’ here, Amy! DYIN’! Any more of this and we’ll have to start running Winegums Watch greatest hits packages! More » 
The Mid-Morning Wrap Up
11:00AM Anna King | While you were sleeping: Your favourite celebutard derailments, bigger and better than ever! Ejaculating dildos hit prime time. Less-successful-and-attractive-actor-brother Entourage star now for hire! It’s still good: Stop press – Kylie is coiffed anew! Does anyone else think the Willis / Moore troupe screams A Very Brady Gang Bang? Our breakfast has just made a reappearance. That’s not the actual story, we promise… R.I.P Donkey Boy. More »One Of The Greatest Headlines Of The Year (Not This One, Obvs)
10:53AM Clem Bastow | While Queensland is in our news for other reasons today, we just thought we should bring to your attention this amazing headline (and right-on-sister accompanying article) from today’s Brisbane Times:
‘You can call us sexy broads’
The reason for this genius? Queensland’s Premier and Governer are now – for the first time – both women (the former, Anna Bligh, and the latter, Quentin Bryce); they were responding to the press’ asking what they wanted to be referred to as if not as “girls”. More » 
Sting Puts On The Red Light
10:45AM Clem Bastow | Tantric sex practitioner and originator of one of our favourite Q Magazine quotes of all time (”I’m ugly but I’m still sexy”) Sting has been spotted apparently visiting one of Hamburg’s biggest brothels, which bills itself as a strip joint.
Straight after performing at the HSVArena in Hamburg, the 55-year- old singer jumped into a silver SUV flanked by two bodyguards and headed into town.
As it turned out he clearly had relaxation on his mind. The Relax bordello prides itself on being one of the city’s most luxurious.
Apart from indulging in the salacious gossip we know and love them for, we were particularly delighted with this little bit of extra “colour and movement” that the Mail added to the story:
Magnums of Dom Perignon can be served in the whirlpool or “steamy sauna” or indeed poured over the breasts of young models (if pictures on the club’s website are anything to go by).
The corker, though, is Sting’s publicist’s shrugging reaction to the whole kerfuffle: “Sting and his wife Trudie Styler have always been open about their interest in strip clubs.”
Right, that clears all that up, then!
More » Another “Too Young” Model Makes Fashion Waves; Parents Chastised For Lack Of Boundaries, Excessive Use Of Consonants In Naming Their Child
10:33AM Clem Bastow | In “do you even need to ask” news, headlines are screaming “Too young for fashion week?” as Gold Coast 12-year-old Maddison Gabriel has been named the face of Gold Coast Fashion Week.
We thought the fuss about Melbourne model (and 15-going-on-16-year-old) Claire Quirk was bad enough, but this takes the cake! As academic Karen Brooks says:
“Oh my god, that’s outrageous,” Dr Brooks said yesterday after learning of Maddison’s appointment.
“When is society going to let kids be kids instead of catapulting them into the adult world? It’s exploitation. We’re talking about a girl who hasn’t long stopped playing with dolls.”
Just when we thought our heads had stopped spinning at the fact that a 12-year-old would even be allowed to enter a modelling comp that wasn’t organised by Barbie magazine, we read her parents’ response to the outcry. See their application for Parents Of The Year after the jump. 
Australian Idol’s Long Lost Cester Brother Makes Most Of Fleeting Fame To Score “Pash” From Mysterious Brunette Tartlet
9:39AM Jess McGuire | Mark Da Costa, perhaps sensing that once this season of Australian Idol is over and buried he will be forgotten as quickly as the other Idol contestants of yesteryear upon whom the “rock” tag has been attached (see also ska-pant enthusiast Kelly Whatshername from Season One), has quite wisely begun making the most of his brief time in the spotlight, happily mentioning his Idol connection to all and sundry in a Sydney club in an attempt to kick some boudoir goals for his penis.
Looking to enjoy a rock star’s night out on the town, the 28-year-old Sydney singer traded a night at the Idol compound for drinks and pick-up lines with mates at Darlinghurst hot spot Ruby Rabbit. Confidential understands that Da Costa, taking advantage of the venue’s “Open House” themed weekly party, wasted little time introducing himself to the ladies in the crowd – quoting his full name and making sure his status as an Idol contender was known.
“He was trying to use his new found ‘fame’ and did his best to pick up a number of girls,” one party-goer reported yesterday. “Unluckily for him, the hot blonde girl he was trying to chat up all night told him she wouldn’t go home with “such a sleaze”.
Undeterred, Da Costa continued to work the room, and eventually struck lucky. A brunette lass must have been quite taken with Da Costa’s song and dance routine, with the pair being busted “pashing on” later in the night.
We can only hope his bedroom technique is free of the bulgy eyed, one-leg hopping, fist pumping antics of Sunday night’s “performance” of U2’s Vertigo.
Do what – and who – you can, Mark. We salute you. More » Tori Amos Performs An Ode To Britney Spears
8:15AM Jess McGuire | Hot on the heels of the public performance of her Lindsay Lohan-dedicated tune I’m Not Stupid, Tori Amos has penned another touching song – this time, it’s about troubled pop star Britney Spears. The lyrics are as follows.
Britney, they set you upBut you drank from their cupBritney, they set you upOh, but this is what it looks like, love,This is what is looks like
When a star falls downWhen a star falls down
Well, maybe you’re a motherBut you still need your motherYes, I may be a motherBut I still need a motherTo pick me upYes, to pick me up
When it all falls downWhen it all falls down
Britney, they set you upIs your contract winding up?But you drank from the cupBoy, this is what it looks likeYes, I said, this is, this is what it looks like, Disney, yes
When a star falls downWhen a star falls down
You may be a motherBaby, you still need a motherYes, I may be a motherBut I still need a motherTo pick me upYes, to pick me up
When it all falls downWhen it all falls downWhen it all falls, all falls downWhen it all falls down
Moving! Although we still prefer Chris Crocker.
Also, does anyone else suspect that Tori Amos has a secret addiction to NW Magazine’s American kin such as People and US Weekly? She knows too much and appears to have more opinions when it comes to the vagina-flashing youth of Hollywood than you’d ever expect. More » ‘Our’ Russ To Appear In Star Trek?
8:07AM Jess McGuire | Our Russell Crowe (we can reclaim him now he’s starring in successful movies again – he only belongs to the Kiwis when he’s throwing phones or appearing in rubbish films) might be appearing in the new Star Trek movie, according to the ever-reliable “unnamed sources” speaking to the Daily Mirror.
Film bosses were lining up the 43-year-old Australian-based Oscar winning actor for a role in the movie to be directed by JJ Abrams, producer of hit television series Lost, an unnamed source told a British newspaper today. “They think Russell is ideal to play the bad guy,” the source told the Daily Mirror. “They want him to zoom through that black hole as the dude in the black hat.”
We were totally following what they were saying until the last sentence. They want him to zoom through that black hole as the dude in the black hat? They want him to zoom through that black hole as the dude in the black hat? What does that mean? Is it a metaphor? It is shaking up our already slightly addled mind. We suspect that if we had a greater knowledge of all things Star Trek-y, it might make sense, but then again – maybe not. Any clues? Please? They want him to zoom through that black hole as the dude in the black hat? Actually, the more we say that, the more Zen we feel. Perhaps we can add it to our forever growing list of mind-clearing phrases. We’re off to meditate. Back soon.
More » Growing Up On A Council Estate Perfect Preparation For Girls Aloud Member’s Trip To Compton
7:41AM Jess McGuire | Tough-as-nails Cheryl Cole nee Tweedy from Defamer Australia’s favourite U.K ladypopband Girls Aloud* is apparently absolutely ready for her impending visit to the mean streets of Compton – where she will be learning the art of krumping – because she grew up on a council estate in Newcastle.
Girls Aloud were asked to pick the activity of their dreams for a new ITV2 show Passions, and Cheryl chose being a street dancer in the US. But Cheryl – from a council estate in Newcastle – isn’t going to just any street, she’s heading to Compton in LA, voted in 2006 the most dangerous city in America. Her other half, England football star Ashley Cole, is understandably a tad concerned. Our source told us: “Ashley is really worried as Compton is notorious for having a lot of crime and gang violence. He’s worried Cheryl won’t be safe out there. “But Cheryl is really excited about it as she has always wanted to do this and can’t stop talking about it. She grew up in a tough area of Newcastle so she knows how to handle herself.”
Having watched Cheryl visit her hometown in the gripping documentary Girls Aloud: Off The Record, we can confirm that the bitch knows how to handle herself, mmm-hmmm! (moves neck from side to side, clicks fingers)
*Though it must be said that Sugababes have also won our heart with their constantly changing line up and Days Of Our Lives-esque internal conflicts. More » 