· Music Roundup: Something For Kate kicks off national tour in Vic; become a Kisschasy believer; Kid Confucious pump it out ol' skool style at the Annandale.

· Catch a glimpse of the new Sime Nugent Happy Hour's line up of amazing musos in Brunswick (check out his new - aptly titled - 'Alcoholic' clip above).

· Feeling experimental? Go get cultured at the alternative Sydney film festival.

· Adelaide. It's OKAY!

Meet Julie Dunk, a self-described "shopping centre entertainer with strident political aspirations" who is "currently preparing her candidacy to contest the seat of Melbourne in the upcoming Federal election".

Julie's political list of things-to-do is a thorough capitals-happy delight, and includes -

PROMOTING MULTICULTURALISM IN AUSTRALIA: "CHINESE TAKE-AWAY HAS GIVEN A LOT TO AUSTRALIA,WE MUST NEVER FORGET THAT." REMEMBERS JULES.

PROMOTING GREENCARE FOR PARKLANDS, FORESTRY AND APEX PARKS: "WHAT IS A BARBECUE WITHOUT THE SHADE OF A COOLABAH TREE?" JULES ASKS.

PROMOTING SAFETY ON THE ROADS: "NEVER BE ASHAMED TO WEAR A STACKHAT, KIDS." SAYS JULES.

PROMOTING SAFE WORKPLACES: "THE WORKERS OF THIS COUNTRY WORK HARD. DO THEY NOT DESERVE OUR, HIGH VISIBILITY SUITS, SAFETY WEAR AND ENTHUSIAM?" ENTHUSES JULES.

PROMOTING COMPASSION TO THE HOMELESS: "I ONCE MET A HOMELESS MAN ON THE STREETS OF MENTONE. I DON'T THINK THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN IN AUSTRALIA. COME ON AUSSIES, LET'S LEND A REAL HAND." LENDS JULES.

You can meet Julie Dunk - and view (and purchase!) a collection of photographs taken of her by very talented Melbourne "artiste" Jaqueline Donchi - tonight from 6pm, if you live in Melbourne. Want us to give you the details? Don't mind if we do! Direct from the press release...

With political campaigner Aussie Jules Dunk (aka Carla Yamine) set to stake her claim at Parliament House, local photographer Jacqueline Donchi took inspiration, rendering eleven digital montages that delve into Jules' flouro colored psyche (eat your heart out, Freud). You're invited to inspect these grotesque metallic dreamscapes close up. Slurp a bevvy or two as DJ Mzz Erin Tasmania entertains, Johnny Howard cumrags are passed around like party pies by the Capital Ideas fluffer chicks and other special guests filter in (ohlala, who could they be?) Fun begins at 6pm this Thursday night, the 6th of September in the bowels of Blue Velvet bar on the corner of Gertrude and Smith Sts...Hold your breath in anticipation of the arrival of the woman herself, Aussie Jules Dunk at the opening.

You would be daft to miss it.

Vale Luciano Pavarotti, who has just passed away at age 71.

Luciano Pavarotti, one of the greatest tenors of his generation, has died at his home in Modena, his manager says.

"Luciano Pavarotti died one hour ago," manager Terri Robson said in a telephone text message to media.

In an email statement to the Associated Press Robson said Pavarotti died at his home in Modena, Italy, at 5am local time (1pm AEST).

"The Maestro fought a long, tough battle against the pancreatic cancer which eventually took his life. In fitting with the approach that characterised his life and work, he remained positive until finally succumbing to the last stages of his illness," the statement said.

Even though we'd never condone violent behaviour, we must admit we chuckled at this tale of a drunken teenage girl who didn't appreciate her mother's Kiwi friend pronouncing her name "incorrectly" (ie: with his accent).

Megan Jane Conroy, then 17, from Sandstone Point north of Brisbane, sobbed in the dock in the Brisbane District Court today as she pleaded guilty to one count of assault occasioning bodily harm.

The court was told she arrived home about 1am (AEST) on May 13, 2006, to find the complainant and a group of her mother's friends celebrating a birthday.

Conroy asked the 40-year-old complainant if he was "a Kiwi", and told him to "get f***ed" when he replied in the affirmative.

She then took offence that he pronounced her name as "Maegan" instead of "Megan" and kneed him in the groin, demanding he say it correctly.

She pushed him against the wall and kicked his groin again before the complainant apologised.

Poor Anonymous New Zealand Bloke's Testicles :(

PS: Kudos to smh.com.au for the puntastic headline "Girl's testicle attack: Kiwi gets a kick in the 'bills'"

Oh, you crazy buggers.

Chas Licciardello and Chaser executive producer Julian Morrow are in custody at Surry Hills police station, after being arrested for breaching the APEC restricted zone. About 10 other crew members have also been arrested. Chaser team member Chris Taylor told smh.com.au that the motorcade comprised "three cars, a couple of motorbikes, and a lot of crew".

"It was a motorcade trying to get into the exclusion zone," he said. The motorcade is understood to have passed through at least one police checkpoint in the declared zone.

And what canny ruse did The Chaser gang come up with to fool APEC security? Blame Canada.

The Chaser convoy had been dressed up to look like an official Canadian motorcade, with Canadian flags attached to the cars and "Canada'' signs visible in the front windscreen.

"No particular reason we chose Canada," said Taylor. "We just thought they'd be a country who the cops wouldn't scrutinise too closely, and who feasibly would only have three cars in their motorcade - as opposed to the 20 or so gas guzzlers that Bush has brought with him."

Just what was it that tipped off eagle-eyed APEC security to the joke?

It is believed police pulled the vehicles over near the corner of Bridge and Macquarie streets, after Licciardello emerged from one of the cars dressed as Osama Bin Laden.

That'd probably do it.

We eagerly await the police statement to the media.

While you were sleeping:
· Larry Birkhead doesn't like ass, he's gonna sue ass.
· Jude Law proves that being too pretty can get you arrested.
· T.R. Knight not compelled to 1up Isaiah Washington's woe-is-me verbal diarrhea.

It's still good:
· Kate Moss snags bizzaro Pete Doherty as new beau.
· Nicole Kidman is old, female ergo clucky.
· It's a depressing world we live in when the Sugababes can't revolve happily together.

After losing to Klaxons, Winegums is said to have stormed out of the Mercury Awards - although we would like to congratulate husband Blake Fielder-Civil, who apparently made a point of standing up and applauding the winners, while Winegums only shrugged.

Winegums - attending with Fielder-Civil as well as Dad, Mitch - is apparently also a master of understatement, shrugging not only at her loss but also the media storm she has been in the eye of these past months:

She shrugged off her drug problems and confided: "I am really well at the moment. I had a great holiday with Blake and I really don't know what the fuss was about."

Bless.

WWE star and batshit psycho double-murderer and suicide victim Chris Benoit's brain - donated to a leading neurologist by Benoit's father - was severely damaged by the time he died, which would've led Benoit to suffer a form of dementia.

Importantly - considering WWE officials, friends and family are still scratching their heads as to the motivation behind the murder-suicide - the findings suggest this would have affected the wrestler's "behavioural or psychiatric expression".

Dr Julian Bailes, who carried out the examination on behalf of Chris's father Michael, said the damage was "striking and maybe shocking".

Speaking on American TV, he added: "We think we have great anatomical damage here from previous trauma.

...

Dr Bailes added: "Our research has shown that three major concussions may be the threshold that serious later consequences may occur."

Our Delta, now back on the promo circuit and rocking a new "sexy" look (which seems to entail a few more hair extensions and slightly less smiling, more sticking out of jaw and cheekbones, by our deductions) has managed to avoid the curse of Jewel and Nikki Webster by continuing to appeal to her long-time fans: the nannas and the little girls.

Delta appeared at last night's Dolly Teen Choice Awards to the delight of the crowd.

"My youngest fans are so important to me, so I love that I've had the chance to hang out with some of them tonight," Goodrem told Confidential. "My only problem is, I'm a little cold."

In fact, in an effort to make this piece seem slightly more exciting, here is an online Delta Goodrem paper doll!!

Yep... we've got nothing.

Famed opera star (and one third of The Three Tenors) Luciano Pavarotti is "gravely ill", following last year's surgery to treat the pancreatic cancer he has been suffering from, five rounds of chemotherapy and a recent hospitalisation.

He may have been more well known in recent years for his diva tendencies and fiery temperament, and the whole Three Tenors franchise possibly even dented his reputation somewhat (not to mention spawning, in some way, the heinous 'opera pop' trend of the last few years); it's easier to remember him as a rent-a-voice for a touch of "culture" rather than as a performer of rare emotion and power.

So, just in case you thought only Damien Leith and Paul Potts were responsible for "definitive" versions of Turandot's Nessun Dorma, here is a shot of 'Otti in full flight, giving Nessun Dorma what for in a real definitive performance at 1982's Royal Gala Concert:

Now that is a touchdown. Get well soon, Big Pun!

Personally, we've rather enjoyed the new David Duchovny series on Ten called Californication, but then we are easily amused folk who are quite prepared to hand our heart over to anyone or anything that manages to use the term "fingerbang" in conversation.

There are however a few people who, tragically, cannot be won over by immature sexual terms, sweary banter, and the image of David Duchovny writhing around in his undies (or less) with various naked women - one of these naked women being a young lass who is best remembered as Grace Sheffield from The Nanny, although you'll never look at her the same way now she's happily displayed her mad cans in the name of cutting edge comedy.

Herald Sun columnist Andrew Bolt certainly loathed the show, labelling Ten executives Grant Blackley and Peter Falloon "pornographers" in his own thoroughly dramatic, new paragraph-happy way.

(Neither of) these two dignified men appear in any of Californication's sex scenes.

It wasn't them you saw on Monday getting oral sex from a nun, giving it to someone else's wife or romping with any of the several women, who appeared pumping and moaning, buck naked, in the show's first half-hour.

Nor was that Falloon you saw mimicking a clitoris in a vagina with his fingers, or Blackley playing a little girl, prattling about the shaven vagina he/she just saw.

It does seem appalling that Australian television would broadcast images of women "pumping and moaning" during sex, a response you begin to suspect Andrew Bolt has never quite managed to elicit from a lady friend the further down the column you read. His description of the clitoris being in the vagina leads us to believe that perhaps the show, in its attempt to enlighten through sight gags, has simply confused the conservative fellow. Still, he uses the word "vagina" not once but twice in his missive, which makes it a rollicking and traumatic enjoyable Bolt column by anyone's standards.

Yesterday the Daily Telegraph reported that advertisers were supportive of the show, despite religious groups frothing at the mouth and declaring it the handiwork of Satan's minions (which may not be an ill-fitting description of many Hollywood types). Alas, this blissful state of denial didn't last long, and news emerged that two companies had pulled their advertisements after the airing of the first episode .

Holden have decided that potential Commodore owners would be unlikely to enjoy displays of random racks alongside razor-sharp dialogue. Holeproof, with their history of conservative advertising campaigns like the one where the ant eater pleasures some hot ladies with his tongue (check after the jump for a pleasant walk down YouTube's memory lane), have decided to protect their good name by pulling the plug on their ads too.

Melinda Houston's article about the furore sums up our feelings about the show rather nicely.

A million people aren't watching Californication because of the naked breasts. (We've all seen those before.) They're watching it because it's funny. And because it speaks to them.

Far from being a threat to community standards, Californication (and before it, Sex and the City) pretty accurately reflect community standards. Which is to say, sex can be both fun, and funny (if you're doing it right). Even mindless bonking can be fun, short term. But ultimately, it's not really satisfying.Lots and lots of educated men have developed a strange horror of marriage and commitment, then realise once their partners have left them that maybe it wouldn't have been so bad after all. Lots and lots of women decide not to put up with their commitment-phobic partners, and move on. And lots and lots of men and women seek redemption in stable, loving, long-term relationships - and find it there.

And that, in a nutshell, is what Californication is really all about. Most of us don't find it outrageous at all. In fact, we find it kind of sweet.

Religious groups, we beg of you. If you find in Sodom Californication ten righteous one-liners within an episode, then spare the show for all our sakes. It's one of the few interesting programs on television at the moment, and the last thing we need is for another crime show to take its (late night, supposedly child-free) time slot.

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· Duelling premiere parties, arguments over release dates (too close to Labor Day, American Gangster, and Brad Pitt's Jesse James flick?), and bickering over one-sheet images that reportedly made notoriously cuddly star Russell Crowe feel fat: the tension between Lionsgate and its 3:10 to Yuma talent has certainly made for some good times, according to Slate.
· Jeremy Piven admits to not being as stylish as the professionally wardrobed fictional character for which he is best known.
· Joe Mantegna tries to fill the Mandy Patinkin-shaped hole on Criminal Minds.
· Danny DeVito is not opposed to the terrible, terrible idea of a Throw Momma from the Train sequel.

As much of the world spent their Monday evenings funnelling turpentine into their ears, hoping the primitive technique might somehow wash away the indelible vision of Larry Birkhead and Howard K. Stern engaged in "a compromising, intimate position," the two men figuring most prominently in the outrageous claims made by Rita Cosby's new book have begun to fight back. A round-up:
· On a Larry King Live guest-hosted by TMZ's Harvey Levin, Birkhead again dismissed the allegations made in the book, insisting it belongs next to "Harry Potter in the fiction aisle," among "similar, made-up acts of wizard-on-wizard depravity." [transcripts.cnn.com]

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While gabby Grey's Anatomy gay-conspiracy victim Isaiah Washington finds himself running out of media outlets willing to let him break his silence yet again about the shadowy machinations that led to his dismissal from the hit show (really, once you've chatted with Star Jones in football metaphors, there's nowhere left to go), reporters are begging Grey's slur-survivor T.R. Knight to say something, anything, about the F-Bomb That Continues To Rock The World of Primetime Television Nearly A Year After The Fact. But not even a bottomless basket of garlic knots and untold glasses of honour-bar chianti at one of Venice's finest family-style Italian eateries could entice the actor to abandon the high road he's so committed to travelling, as the LAT discovered recently:

Over the last 11 months, especially since Washington's gabfest began, Heigl said, she has often wished her friend would speak up about so much more. But Knight is adamant that he has said all he will ever need to say, even as Washington was appearing on Court TV's "Star Jones" show as Knight finished his ravioli at the C&O Trattoria.

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Perhaps more acutely aware of the personal peril that comes with Hollywood-pretty-boy status following yesterday's disturbing report about Brad Pitt's chilling near-hugging by a crazed Italian fan, actor and recent UN Peace Day ambassador Jude Law was arrested Tuesday after allegedly assaulting a photographer near his home in London. While the official police statement following the incident declined to name the star, its curious description of the attacker as "a 34-year-old man from Maida Vale so handsome that this officer found himself secretly wanting to grab a camera and see if the appealingly boyish rogue would rough me up a bit if I asked to take his picture," a slip that allowed the British tabloid press to make a positive identification of the paparazzo's celebrity assailant.

• Law arrested over alleged attack [BBC News]

· Sacha Baron Cohen is "firming plans" to star in Bruno (but aren't they already shooting that one? Sneaky!), then will move on to Dinner for Schmucks, a remake of Francis Veber's Le Diner de Cons, a comedy about a dinner guest whose manners would shame even the tableside-feces-proferring Borat. [Variety]
· TBS orders a second season of The Bill Engvall Show, keeping the weakest member of the Blue Collar Comedy family working for an additional ten episodes. [THR]
· Var provides a blow-by-blow of the Whoopi Goldberg's controversial, Vick-defending first day on The View. [Variety]
· TV viewers desperate for the networks' new Autumn programming to begin settle for watching CBS placeholders Power of 10 and US Big Brother 8 on Tuesday night. [THR]
· Pedro Almodovar pre-casting shocker! The Spanish auteur plans on giving Penelope Cruz the starring role in the film he's currently writing. [Variety]

The American Idols Live Tour, currently winding its way around the country and dropping its spaceship of Earthly karaoke delights tonight upon Worcester, MA, offers fans of Fox's reality behemoth the opportunity to get within screaming distance of the previous season's top 12 contestants. But as Sanjaya stands alone under a pink-gelled spotlight, pitchily singing to half-empty arenas about the "Man in the Mirror," organisers are wondering what happened to the throngs of teenyboppers who dependably lined their wallets in past years. From USA Today:

· No sellouts were reported for the first 30 shows, and only one topped the 93% of capacity mark. (That was the show in Glendale, Ariz., Idol winner Jordin Sparks' home turf.) Of the 2006 tour's first 30 shows, 17 were sellouts and another 10 exceeded 93% of capacity.

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Back in the good old days of the web - say, circa April of 2007 - when one's CAA-backed, Will Ferrell-supported comedy video-sharing site had an amusing clip starring an attention-grabbing A-list talent one wished would go "viral," one simply posted it and let the internets work their magic, confident that endlessly forwarded links would efficiently deliver their work to the eyeballs of bored employees across the globe. Now, however, we live in far more complicated times, when newly retained PR firms dare not leave anything to chance, as evidenced by this e-mail invitation enlisting the help of the "internet press" to turn Bill Murray into Funny or Die's next drunken, swearing baby:

FUNNY OR DIE INVITES YOU TO PARTICIPATE IN A SPECIAL INTERNET PRESS PREVIEW OF "FCU: FACT CHECKERS UNIT" AN UPCOMING FUNNYORDIE.COM EXCLUSIVE WEB SHORT STARRING BILL MURRAY, THURSDAY, SEPT. 6

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We have no idea if the "newly released photo from a rare public appearance earlier this year" posted in an item at Rated-M.com (as excavated by Cinematical) is evidence of anything but reportedly transgendering Wachowski brother Larry's predilection for dangly earrings and sassy bandanas, but the blog claims that his much-rumoured journey towards womanhood is now complete, a transformation that has obvious implications for hopeful 2008 summer blockbuster Speed Racer and the way the directing duo's names will be listed on its one-sheet. Says Rated-M:

The duo will now just be known as "The Wachowskis", dropping the "brothers" part of their name. It is expected that Larry, now called Lana, will actually speak to the press about this for the first time, but not until after the Speed Racer film is out. The current feeling is that his sex change could hurt the family image the Speed Racer film is going for.

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Yesterday, the internets were ablaze with rumours (well, really, one rumour) that allegedly gender-shuffling Matrix co-director Larry Wachowski had finally completed a long-whispered-about sex change, opting to spend the rest of his life as a woman named Lana who would haunt the dreams of every embattled publicist unlucky enough to be assigned to subsequent Wachowski Family films. Troubled by the swiftly spreading report, Fox 411's Roger Friedman put in some calls, and today is satisfied that Larry is still happily beschlonged:

On Wednesday, I had lovely chats with people at the sound studio in Germany where the Wachowskis have been making the live action version of the Japanese cartoon "Speed Racer". The folks I spoke to got quite a kick out of the whole thing.

I asked one man in building operations, "Have you seen Larry lately? Does he have breasts now, as rumoured? Is he wearing a dress, wondering if it's making him look fat?"

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"Family hour" - the sacred block of TV programming between 8 and 9 p.m. that for generations has given parents a handy tool for avoiding direct and awkward communication with their children - has been found to contain higher incidents of sex, violence, and cursing than ever before, a study conducted by the Parents Television Council has found. From the Reuters report:

"In the past six years, the family hour has become even more hostile to children and families," the Parents Television Council said. [...]

The group tagged the Fox network as the "worst offender," saying it counted 20.78 instances of violent, sexual or profane content per hour. And it singled out Fox's American Dad as the most objectionable, with 52 instances per hour.

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America's Sitcom Sweetheart Jenna Fischer won over all of our hearts playing The Office's lovelorn, plain Jane receptionist: Men fantasised about being with her, while women simply wanted to be her, marching into salons across the country and demanding they be given the mousey perm sensation known as "the Pam." But as is so often the case with objects of public fascination, what seemed like an impossibly glamorous existence outfitted in the finest sensible flat-soled shoes and cardigans masked a hidden pain - both of the lower back (she fell down a flight of stairs at an NBC upfronts party in May and spent most of the summer recovering), and of the heart. A blog post appearing today on her MySpace page has announced the end of her marriage of six years to Slither writer/director James Gunn:

Our Statement

We (James and Jenna) need to announce that we have chosen to separate. We are sorry for any pain this causes family and friends. The enthusiasm we have expressed for each other's lives, spirits, and careers is real - we have been each other's cheerleader and friend during the past six years and continue to be so now and in the future.

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Unsatisfied by Rosie O'Donnell's disappointingly cursory video review of Whoopi Goldberg's controversial first day on The View ("Whoopi was good," said Rosie in the middle of critiquing the show's new, beige-heavy set), Defamer videographer Molly McAleer decided to take her camera to the sidewalk outside of Grauman's historic Chinese Theatre, home to some of Hollywood's most outspoken and insightful media critics, for more penetrating appraisals of the show's new co-host. Unfortunately, her subjects had not yet seen Whoopi's debut, but that didn't stop them from decrying the conspirators who ousted Rosie for her 9/11 truth-telling, holding forth on Elizabeth Hasselbeck's intellect and spank-worthiness, or sharing anecdotes about their second-degree connections to the dreadlocked comedian.

• JAHERO [Rosie.com]