Thursday, September 6, 2007
To Do: Mixbag Of Bushwhacking Alternatives
4:51PM Anna King | Music Roundup: Something For Kate kicks off national tour in Vic; become a Kisschasy believer; Kid Confucious pump it out ol’ skool style at the Annandale. Catch a glimpse of the new Sime Nugent Happy Hour’s line up of amazing musos in Brunswick (check out his new – aptly titled – ‘Alcoholic’ clip above). Feeling experimental? Go get cultured at the alternative Sydney film festival. Adelaide. It’s OKAY! More »
Looking For Something To Do Tonight In Melbourne? Then Look No Further – Julie Dunk Is Ready To Woo You
4:04PM Jess McGuire | Meet Julie Dunk, a self-described “shopping centre entertainer with strident political aspirations” who is “currently preparing her candidacy to contest the seat of Melbourne in the upcoming Federal election”.
Julie’s political list of things-to-do is a thorough capitals-happy delight, and includes -
PROMOTING MULTICULTURALISM IN AUSTRALIA: “CHINESE TAKE-AWAY HAS GIVEN A LOT TO AUSTRALIA,WE MUST NEVER FORGET THAT.” REMEMBERS JULES.
PROMOTING GREENCARE FOR PARKLANDS, FORESTRY AND APEX PARKS: “WHAT IS A BARBECUE WITHOUT THE SHADE OF A COOLABAH TREE?” JULES ASKS.
PROMOTING SAFETY ON THE ROADS: “NEVER BE ASHAMED TO WEAR A STACKHAT, KIDS.” SAYS JULES.
PROMOTING SAFE WORKPLACES: “THE WORKERS OF THIS COUNTRY WORK HARD. DO THEY NOT DESERVE OUR, HIGH VISIBILITY SUITS, SAFETY WEAR AND ENTHUSIAM?” ENTHUSES JULES.
PROMOTING COMPASSION TO THE HOMELESS: “I ONCE MET A HOMELESS MAN ON THE STREETS OF MENTONE. I DON’T THINK THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN IN AUSTRALIA. COME ON AUSSIES, LET’S LEND A REAL HAND.” LENDS JULES.
You can meet Julie Dunk – and view (and purchase!) a collection of photographs taken of her by very talented Melbourne “artiste” Jaqueline Donchi – tonight from 6pm, if you live in Melbourne. Want us to give you the details? Don’t mind if we do! Direct from the press release…
With political campaigner Aussie Jules Dunk (aka Carla Yamine) set to stake her claim at Parliament House, local photographer Jacqueline Donchi took inspiration, rendering eleven digital montages that delve into Jules’ flouro colored psyche (eat your heart out, Freud). You’re invited to inspect these grotesque metallic dreamscapes close up. Slurp a bevvy or two as DJ Mzz Erin Tasmania entertains, Johnny Howard cumrags are passed around like party pies by the Capital Ideas fluffer chicks and other special guests filter in (ohlala, who could they be?) Fun begins at 6pm this Thursday night, the 6th of September in the bowels of Blue Velvet bar on the corner of Gertrude and Smith Sts…Hold your breath in anticipation of the arrival of the woman herself, Aussie Jules Dunk at the opening.
You would be daft to miss it. More » Pavarotti Shuffles Off His Mortal Coil, Now Impressing The Gods With His Ability To Effortlessly Hit High C’s
3:59PM Jess McGuire | Vale Luciano Pavarotti, who has just passed away at age 71.
Luciano Pavarotti, one of the greatest tenors of his generation, has died at his home in Modena, his manager says.
“Luciano Pavarotti died one hour ago,” manager Terri Robson said in a telephone text message to media.
In an email statement to the Associated Press Robson said Pavarotti died at his home in Modena, Italy, at 5am local time (1pm AEST).
“The Maestro fought a long, tough battle against the pancreatic cancer which eventually took his life. In fitting with the approach that characterised his life and work, he remained positive until finally succumbing to the last stages of his illness,” the statement said.
More » When Drunken Brisbane Teenagers Go Bad – A Warning To Our Friends Across The Tasman
3:02PM Jess McGuire | Even though we’d never condone violent behaviour, we must admit we chuckled at this tale of a drunken teenage girl who didn’t appreciate her mother’s Kiwi friend pronouncing her name “incorrectly” (ie: with his accent).
Megan Jane Conroy, then 17, from Sandstone Point north of Brisbane, sobbed in the dock in the Brisbane District Court today as she pleaded guilty to one count of assault occasioning bodily harm.
The court was told she arrived home about 1am (AEST) on May 13, 2006, to find the complainant and a group of her mother’s friends celebrating a birthday.
Conroy asked the 40-year-old complainant if he was “a Kiwi”, and told him to “get f***ed” when he replied in the affirmative.
She then took offence that he pronounced her name as “Maegan” instead of “Megan” and kneed him in the groin, demanding he say it correctly.
She pushed him against the wall and kicked his groin again before the complainant apologised.
Poor Anonymous New Zealand Bloke’s Testicles :(
PS: Kudos to smh.com.au for the puntastic headline “Girl’s testicle attack: Kiwi gets a kick in the ‘bills’” More » The Lads From The Chaser Arrested After Osama Bin Laden Stunt Is Unappreciated By APEC Security
2:40PM Jess McGuire | Oh, you crazy buggers.
Chas Licciardello and Chaser executive producer Julian Morrow are in custody at Surry Hills police station, after being arrested for breaching the APEC restricted zone. About 10 other crew members have also been arrested. Chaser team member Chris Taylor told smh.com.au that the motorcade comprised “three cars, a couple of motorbikes, and a lot of crew”.
“It was a motorcade trying to get into the exclusion zone,” he said. The motorcade is understood to have passed through at least one police checkpoint in the declared zone.
And what canny ruse did The Chaser gang come up with to fool APEC security? Blame Canada.
The Chaser convoy had been dressed up to look like an official Canadian motorcade, with Canadian flags attached to the cars and “Canada” signs visible in the front windscreen.
“No particular reason we chose Canada,” said Taylor. “We just thought they’d be a country who the cops wouldn’t scrutinise too closely, and who feasibly would only have three cars in their motorcade – as opposed to the 20 or so gas guzzlers that Bush has brought with him.”
Just what was it that tipped off eagle-eyed APEC security to the joke?
It is believed police pulled the vehicles over near the corner of Bridge and Macquarie streets, after Licciardello emerged from one of the cars dressed as Osama Bin Laden.
That’d probably do it.
We eagerly await the police statement to the media.
More » 
The Mid-Morning Wrap Up
11:18AM Anna King | While you were sleeping: Larry Birkhead doesn’t like ass, he’s gonna sue ass. Jude Law proves that being too pretty can get you arrested. T.R. Knight not compelled to 1up Isaiah Washington’s woe-is-me verbal diarrhea. It’s still good: Kate Moss snags bizzaro Pete Doherty as new beau. Nicole Kidman is old, female ergo clucky. It’s a depressing world we live in when the Sugababes can’t revolve happily together. More »
Amy Winehouse Watch: Storms Out Of Mercury Awards, Can’t See What Fuss Is About
11:14AM Clem Bastow | After losing to Klaxons, Winegums is said to have stormed out of the Mercury Awards – although we would like to congratulate husband Blake Fielder-Civil, who apparently made a point of standing up and applauding the winners, while Winegums only shrugged.
Winegums – attending with Fielder-Civil as well as Dad, Mitch – is apparently also a master of understatement, shrugging not only at her loss but also the media storm she has been in the eye of these past months:
She shrugged off her drug problems and confided: “I am really well at the moment. I had a great holiday with Blake and I really don’t know what the fuss was about.”
Meanwhile, fellow loser nom Dizzee Rascal also disappointed any press who were looking for a fight, defending Winegums by saying, “Amy is just going through a phase. She’s a brilliant singer and deserved to be nominated.”
Bless. More » 
Chris Benoit’s Brain “Like 85 Year Old”; Not Referring To A Friendly, Grandfatherly Manner And Predilection For Cuppa And Nice Read Of Paper
10:51AM Clem Bastow | WWE star and batshit psycho double-murderer and suicide victim Chris Benoit’s brain – donated to a leading neurologist by Benoit’s father – was severely damaged by the time he died, which would’ve led Benoit to suffer a form of dementia.
Importantly – considering WWE officials, friends and family are still scratching their heads as to the motivation behind the murder-suicide – the findings suggest this would have affected the wrestler’s “behavioural or psychiatric expression”.
Dr Julian Bailes, who carried out the examination on behalf of Chris’s father Michael, said the damage was “striking and maybe shocking”.
Speaking on American TV, he added: “We think we have great anatomical damage here from previous trauma.
…
Dr Bailes added: “Our research has shown that three major concussions may be the threshold that serious later consequences may occur.”
The “but it’s not reeeaaaal” brigade would be advised to put these findings in their pipe and smoke it, lest Dr Bailes body-slam them into a diving headbutt and crippler crossface. More » 
Delta Hot, But Not In Temperature Sense, Or Something Like That; A Nation Shrugs
10:44AM Clem Bastow | Our Delta, now back on the promo circuit and rocking a new “sexy” look (which seems to entail a few more hair extensions and slightly less smiling, more sticking out of jaw and cheekbones, by our deductions) has managed to avoid the curse of Jewel and Nikki Webster by continuing to appeal to her long-time fans: the nannas and the little girls.
Delta appeared at last night’s Dolly Teen Choice Awards to the delight of the crowd.
“My youngest fans are so important to me, so I love that I’ve had the chance to hang out with some of them tonight,” Goodrem told Confidential. “My only problem is, I’m a little cold.”
Oh, Deltron (as Eddie McGuire so memorably addressed her at the Logies a few years back). Even in her sexy/hot/grown-up/adult new phase, she’s still about as interesting as Tofutti spread on supermarket-brand white bread.
In fact, in an effort to make this piece seem slightly more exciting, here is an online Delta Goodrem paper doll!!
Yep… we’ve got nothing. More » Pavarotti Gravely Ill; Damien Leith’s Offer Of ‘Nessun Dorma’ Stand-In Ignored By Tenor’s Peeps
10:30AM Clem Bastow | Famed opera star (and one third of The Three Tenors) Luciano Pavarotti is “gravely ill”, following last year’s surgery to treat the pancreatic cancer he has been suffering from, five rounds of chemotherapy and a recent hospitalisation.
He may have been more well known in recent years for his diva tendencies and fiery temperament, and the whole Three Tenors franchise possibly even dented his reputation somewhat (not to mention spawning, in some way, the heinous ‘opera pop’ trend of the last few years); it’s easier to remember him as a rent-a-voice for a touch of “culture” rather than as a performer of rare emotion and power.
So, just in case you thought only Damien Leith and Paul Potts were responsible for “definitive” versions of Turandot’s Nessun Dorma, here is a shot of ‘Otti in full flight, giving Nessun Dorma what for in a real definitive performance at 1982’s Royal Gala Concert:
Now that is a touchdown. Get well soon, Big Pun! More » 