Maroon 5 Frontman Finds Maria Sharapova’s Love Didn’t Actually Take Much Of A Toll On Him At All

Adam Levine, a notorious Hollywood lothario who has horizontally prodded some of showbiz’s dumbest vaginal life support systems, proved himself to be quite the gentlemen when decided to kiss and tell to a British tabloid about his time with tennis player Maria Sharapova.

The grubby character has revealed intimate secrets of their sex life to explain why their brief courtship ended. And the pretty tennis star’s lack of volume in the bedroom tore the lovers apart.

Levine said: “She wouldn’t make any noise during sex. I can’t tell you how disappointed I was. I really thought, like a lot of guys, that she’d be the loud screaming type.”

Wait – are you saying that you thought she’d be a howler like most of the men you’ve slept with, Adam?

“But instead, she just lay there like a dead frog. She even got angry if I started to moan, said it ‘ruined her concentration’.”

She will be loved? Ho, ho, Mr Levine! Apparently not!

“It was so disillusioning that I went on (anxiety disorder drug) Paxil for a month afterwards. Really, it was much more of a shock than when I found out there’s no such thing as the Easter Bunny.”

You, sir, are a prize idiot.