Lindsay Lohan Getting Tiny Amount Of Jail Time, Honest About Drugs And Booze

Not long after Lindsay Lohan’s miracle-working attorney entered a guilty and no-contest plea for various misdemeanor counts of drunk-driving and being under the influence of blowcaine – pleas that earned the actress one! whole! day! (at least!) in jail – Lohan’s image-salvation team issued this statement:

“It is clear to me that my life has become completely unmanageable because I am addicted to alcohol and drugs,” she said in a statement.

“Recently, I relapsed and did things for which I am ashamed. I broke the law, and today I took responsibility by pleading guilty to the charges in my case. No matter what I said when I was under the influence on the day I was arrested, I am not blaming anyone else for my conduct other than myself. I thank God I did not injure others. I easily could have.

“I very much want to be healthy and gain control of my life and career and have asked for medical help in doing so. I am taking these steps to improve my life. Luckily, I am not alone in my daily struggle and I know that people like me have succeeded. Maybe with time it will become easier. I hope so.”

Dismiss these words as nothing more than yet another calculated attempt by a well-paid publicist to convince the world that a sober, remorseful Lohan is back on the road to insurability if you must, but we’re choosing to accept her unqualified admission of responsibility. The next time a high-speed chase leads her into another confrontation with police, we’re confident a more mature Lohan will serenely accept the blame for her actions, rather than pointing fingers at the black kid or countenance any debate about whose coke-pants she’s wearing.

• Lindsay Lohan: ‘I Am Addicted to Alcohol and Drugs’ [People]
• Previously: Breaking: Not Enough Blow In Lindsay’s Coke-Pants To Warrant A Felony [Defamer]