Breaking: Britney Spears Could Be Totally Hosed This Time – Like, For Reals

Somebody in the child welfare business just got that Us Weekly subscription approved: After weeks of tabloid stories implying that skinny-dipping with a random college co-ed in Vegas, allegedly drinking in front of the kids, and reportedly shoving a bodyguard who is holding your son are somehow inappropriate acts, America’s poster child for staying in school is rumoured to be under investigation by L.A. County officials for something potentially a lot worse than trying to Brite Smile her kids’ choppers:

TMZ has learned Britney Spears is being investigated for possible child abuse.

An unscheduled hearing was held today at L.A. County Superior Court. Present – Britney’s lawyer, Dennis Wasser, K-Fed’s attorney, Mark Vincent Kaplan and a lawyer from the Los Angeles County Counsel who is assigned to the dependency court.

We do not know the specifics of the allegations but we’re told the L.A. County Department of Children and Family Services is conducting an active investigation.

So it’s come to this: The world actually has to look up to Kevin Federline as a bastion of responsibility, maturity, and sense. Maybe some of this could have been avoided if somebody, anybody, had thought to snatch from Britney’s sweaty grasp Dina Lohan’s self-published leaflet, Parenting vs. Partying: Why Choose? People likely assumed Brit’s eyes couldn’t focus long enough to read it. Now we know better.

• Britney Targeted in Child Abuse Investigation [TMZ.com]