Thursday, August 30, 2007
Gary Glitter Set For Release; Subeditors Everywhere Prepare Their Finest ‘Do You Want To Touch Me?’ Gags
11:47AM Clem Bastow | News to make us all feel slightly creepy and ill greets us this morning, with hints that grubby kiddy-fiddler and ex-glam-rocker Gary Glitter could be out of jail sooner than anyone thought. Everybody, together: EWWW!
Glitter, 62, was jailed for three years last March after being found guilty of sexually molesting the two girls, in the southern Vietnamese city of Vung Tau.
His lawyer said: “I am hopeful. I believe punishment has now been sufficient. My client has expressed a wish to return home.”
Glitter, real name Paul Gadd, 62, had been due for release in August next year but has already had time cut from his sentence in an earlier appeal.
If he does get out, and returns to Britain, there is a good chance he will be nabbed for ’sex tourism abroad’, which is part of the British Sex Offenses Act 2003. Throughout this all, we think it’s safe to say that no one wants to be in his gang anymore. More » 
‘Truly Epic LULZ’ – Fox News Blows The Lid On Hackers
11:33AM Jess McGuire | Marvel at this EXPLOSIVE (both in current affairs terms and the stock footage sense) story from Fox 11 News about evil internet hackers and their internet hate campaign against those they dub ‘LULZ killers’.
PREPARE YOURSELF FOR TRULY EPIC LULZ JOURNALISM.
Even though we barely understand hacker speak at the best of times, we found – and it may be the sleep deprivation, folks – that some of the comments on the YouTube comments made us chuckle heartily too.
- MAOR MOAR!!!! I WANT MOAR
- domestic terrorists LULZ … HIS GIRLFRIEND LEFT HIM EPIC LULZ
- “I didn’t know I was an emo bitch until they called my mom and she told me about it.”
- YOUR HATE ONLY MAKE MY PENIS HARDER
- I WAS A LULZ KILLER FUCKIN SNACKS
Via Born Dancin’ who thoughtfully grabbed it from the b3ta newsletter and brought it to our attention because we were too distracted by Australian Idol to read it ourselves. More » 
Amy Winehouse Round-Up: Still Ballin’, Families Still Warrin’, Sun Rises In East And Sets In West
11:23AM Clem Bastow | Nothing much to report today, other than that the Civils and the Winehouses are still at each other’s throats in an entertaining slanging-match of the “We know what’s best”, “No, WE know what’s best!” variety, with the Civils attacking Mitch Winehouse’s assertion that Blake Civil-Fielder/Not-So-Civil/Uncivil/Snivel was the one what got Amy hooked on gak/crack/smack.
“We know for a fact Blake is not to blame for introducing Amy to drugs at all,” said Mr Civil.
“They are living in a world where access to drugs is easy, they have plenty of money available and what they need, what they want, they can have without question.”
Mitch reckons he “wanted to die” when he saw the pics of Amy and Blake covered in blood, but “I can’t die, I have a family and friends, and loved ones who need me.” Amy was evidently so moved by his public display of dismay that she sent him an effusive and expansive text message of love:
His heartfelt plea appeared to have struck a chord with the Brit award-winning singer, who yesterday texted her apology to her father and said: “I am as right as rain. Love you Dad.”
Words that must’ve left Mitch wondering what he was worrying about in the first place.
Meanwhile, Amy continues to holiday in St Lucia, and if there’s one thing we can learn from this whole fracas, it’s that bandeau bikinis are not flattering on a woman of any bust-size. More » 
If You Didn’t See ‘Sunshine’, Here’s Your Chance To Become A Worthwhile Member Of The Human Race Once More
11:05AM Clem Bastow | We’re not usually prone to fits of the ‘do yourself a favours’, but we were bitterly disappointed at how few people managed to see Danny Boyle’s splendiferous Sunshine, starring Cillian Murphy and Our Rose Byrne, earlier this year.
The US critics didn’t “get it” and neither did most local audiences, but we truly thought (and it wasn’t the post-mix talking) that it was one of the finest sci-fi/psychological thriller/”space peril” films of recent memory – even with its slightly Event Horizon twist towards the final reel – and, if nothing else, the film looks beautiful.
It was loosely inspired by one of our favourite books, Moondust by Andrew Smith, thus looking less at the end-of-the-world scenario the whole “sun going out” theme suggests, and more at just what might happen to people’s minds on deep space journeys (but without the cheesiness of Armageddon’s “My god… He’s got… space dementia!” moment). Also, the score by Underworld and John Murphy, and the sound design by Glenn Freemantle, make a viewing worthwhile even if you think the flick itself is pants.
It has just been released to rent in Australia and we heartily recommend you see it. As you were. More » 
The Mid-Morning Wrap Up
11:01AM Anna King | While You Were Sleeping: Some Owen with your coffee? Complete with Kate, coke, and Courtney Love! Madonna to continue on her orphan collecting rampage. Let’s all share in the Joey wealth! It’s Still Good: Whoever creates those gems of advertising genius for Johnny Howard’s government should give this guy a call. We’ve got our Idol favourite, we repeat, we’ve got our Idol favourite. That Bindi Irwin’s one freaky lookin’ kid…has she been eating fags??? More »
Idol Round-Up: Ben McKenzie Makes Clearasil’s Celebrity-Endorsement Team Rub Their Hands Together With Glee, Marty Simpson’s Accent Added To Australian Citizenship Exam As ‘How-To’ Example
10:45AM Clem Bastow | Next two through to Final 12: Ben McKenzie, Marty Simpson
Finally, some decent vote-throughs in this year’s Australian Idol, though Group Three was largely an embarrassment of vocal riches (in Idol terms, at least), apart from dull-as-dishwater Radiohead fan Dave Andrews, who made John Farnham’s Freedom sound like the on-hold music at Dido & Dave Matthews Sleep Therapists Inc, and will no doubt be enjoying a long and fruitful career in Newcastle’s open-mic nights. More » Matthew Newton Continues To Win Points Towards ‘Australia’s Top Bloke’ Crown
10:34AM Clem Bastow | After treating viewers of Channel Ten’s New Year’s Eve coverage to simulated sex acts involving John “Kermit” Foreman, you will recall that Matthew Newton decided to make 2007 a boon year, charged with assault against ex-girlfriend Brook Satchwell, then convicted, then winning an appeal against his conviction, because diddums thought having an assault collar wouldn’t do his career much good (here’s a tip: don’t rough up your girlfriend next time, champ).
Anyway, throughout all the legal proceedings, Newts shacked up with Gracie Otto, daughter of Barry, though their coupling lacked the raw Aussie-television-drama’s-hottest-stars power of his relationship with Satchwell. Well, imagine our surprise when today we read this little tidbit!
He’s a dab hand at being controversial so its no wonder Matthew Newton looked like the cat that got the cream when he turned up to a film premiere this week with a sexy brunette who definitely wasn’t Gracie Otto.
Newton and his lady in red were the photographer’s pick of the crimson rug crop at The Final Winter opening, with flashbulbs popping furiously at the sight of the actor linking arms with actress Sophie Katinis.
If he looks like the cat that got the cream in that photo, then the cream must’ve either been from a yak, or five weeks past its use-by date. We’d hate to see him looking moody or disappointed or nauseated! More » 
Owen Wilson: It’s Kate’s Fault! No, It’s The Royal Tenenbaums’ Fault! NO, It’s Steve Coogan’s!!
10:33AM Clem Bastow | As we all continue to clutch at straws regarding Owen Wilson’s recent misfortune, now Courtney Love has spoken out in support of Wilson – and reckons it’s all Steve Coogan’s fault. Glad to have cleared it up at last!
Coogan and Wilson appeared together in A Night At The Museum and apparently became party buddies, to the dismay of Kate Hudson – and, evidently, Courtney, who thinks Coogan’s hard-living ways are to blame. While Coogan’s peeps have already released a statement rebutting Love’s comments, the Mail reckons Love isn’t alone in her thoughts:
Wilson’s friends have privately placed the blame for Owen’s problems squarely on Coogan, who has battled his own demons.
The comedian, who starred alongside Wilson in several films, has admitted to drug-taking and being a serial womaniser – traits which his new friend has also been accused of.
All we need now in this sorry saga is for the Scientologists to come out and offer their support to Owen (whilst having a jab at the psychiatry he is no doubt receiving) and for Owen to be interviewed by Barbara Walters, and we’ll be able to sleep happily and soundly. More » 
Lily Allen Enjoys ‘Jazz Cigarette’ At Notting Hill Festival, Has A Nice Lie Down
10:12AM Clem Bastow | Pocket rocket Lily Allen enjoyed herself at the annual Notting Hill Festival in London earlier this week – so much so that she ended up catching a few z’s on the pavement.
Well, now it seems Ms Allen wasn’t just suffering from partying with the grown-ups and getting tired, it appears she was feeling the effects of, er, well, as the Daily Mail puts it:
The ‘Smile’ singer was photographed at London’s world famous Notting Hill Carnival in possession of a large hand-rolled cigarette.
And if that doesn’t explain it clearly enough to you, how about Bizarre’s Victoria Newton:
This was Lily Allen just before she had to be rescued after passing out on the pavement at Notting Hill Carnival on Monday.
I wonder if it could have anything to do with that long cigarette that she’s pictured here toking.
Lily Allen? “Toking” on a Camberwell Carrot? Next they’ll be telling us that Amy Winehouse likes a drink! More » 
