Next two through to Final 12: Tarisai Vushe, Lana Krost

Mixed emotions upon last night's announcement of the third and fourth contestants through to Idol's Final 12. When we saw Tarisai sing, we were overcome with joy and promised to eat our television if that voice was not rewarded with a place in the finals. Fortunately, she got through; unfortunately, we are still hungry.

This is also good news because, as Dicko suggested when he called her "barking mad", Tarisai is also totally crazy/amazing, as evidenced by this quote from her Idol contestant questionnaire:

Watching Whitney Houston on television letting that voice out made me cry to God about how I wanted to become a precious woman and start singing professionally, leading to a long career.

We are looking forward to this precious woman's tearing her weaker-voiced Idol peers a new arsehole, hopefully all the way to the Opera House.

However, we also had a strong premonition on Monday night that 17-year-old Lana Krost would become this year's Lauren Buckley/Amali Ward/Natalie Zahra/Lisa Mitchell and be the "young chick who the young chicks vote through" (although, to clarify, we love Amali and Lisa), and last night, our fears were confirmed as the girl with a voice about as exciting as a Milk Arrowroot dipped in milky Tetley's was voted through to the Final 12.

After four series of Australian Idol, we still have some naïve hope that only the truly talented contestants will make it through, and we still get disappointed year after year. This year it's a case of one-out-of-four-is-bad so far, and we're still crossing those fingers for the wildcard round.

ED: I am mildly concerned by this Tarisai love fest, Bastow. She thanked Jesus for her performance of Straight Lines, for fucks sake! That said, she is obviously completely batshit crazy, and therefore I support her inclusion in the Top Twelve, if only because of the potential for psychotic episodes/breakdowns/hilariously over-the-top one liners.

While You Were Sleeping: · This Naked Leopard Man made our week. This one just burned our eyes. A lot. NSFAnyone with the power of vision. · Ashton Kutcher's winning relationship advice for the ladies: just lie to him. · Apparently no one wanted the prize for "Crackpot of the Year". · For your convenience: the latest in OwenWatch as easy-to-read bullet points!

It's Still Good:
· James Blundell's wife, kids, not so keen about his affair with Idol contestant.
· Big Brother "star" to "act dumb" in Kath & Kim.
· Michael Caton hits back at one of the greatest, no, strike that...THE greatest comedic genius of our time.
· Does anyone harbour a Girls Aloud vs. The Spice Girls mud fight fantasy? Anyone?

While the Wilson camp remains tight-lipped about Owen Wilson's reported suicide attempt, and we all try to give him the space and privacy to heal that he's requested, the UK press are busying themselves by wondering whether Owen might've been driven to harm himself after seeing pictures of his ex, Kate Hudson, kissing her new bloke, Dax Shepherd.

Putting aside any "We'd self-harm if we thought we were spit siblings with Dax Shepherd, too" gags, we wonder: were Wilson and Hudson ever really on together? And if he loved her so much, why did he dump her? (Unless he was living out some '70s seagull-'n'-sunsets poster fantasy of loving someone and setting them free, which would suit his life-of-retro-leisure countenance.)

In addition, The Daily Mail also suggests that it could all be a case of life imitating art, and that the wrist-slitting of Richie Tenenbaum - in The Royal Tenenbaums, of which Owen was co-writer - might've been a sign of things to come, or something. And the less said about that particular "news" item, the better!

In today's Amy Winehouse Round-Up, Blake Fielder-Civil's 'rents are obviously filled with confidence in their new daughter-in-law, expressing their concern that if Amy carks it from drug or booze misadventures, Blake will follow suit.

Giles Civil said: "We're concerned that if one of them dies, the other will die. They're a very close couple and if one dies through substance abuse, the other will commit suicide."

Meanwhile, Amy's dad Mitch has panned the Civils, saying their foolproof plan to send a message to Amy by way of the public refusing to buy her records is flawed - is the man mad?! - and that instead of attending a meeting with record label reps to discuss a possible professional intervention, Blake's parents got on the sauce.

"They came down to London. But instead of coming to that meeting to sit with the doctors and with me and representatives of the record company, they chose to go to the pub with Amy and Blake.

"This is the problem we find ourselves up against. We have two families pulling in different directions. Basically we just want the same things, we want our children to be safe.

"But we've got different definitions of how we can do that."

With all this to'ing and fro'ing, is it any wonder Winegums is hiding out on her tropical holiday? We suggest they all get together and sort this out over a big bowl of strawberry ice-cream.

So the country you are playing a concert in has banned smoking in all pubs and venues.

If you are an ordinary person, you will step outside for a wheeze and obey the rules. If, on the other hand, you are Keith Richards, you will find all manner of ingenious ways to flout the ban - to wit, eating your cigarettes.

Fans cheered as the Rolling Stone, 63, produced the fag - thinking he was about to light up as he did at an earlier show.

Instead he popped it into his mouth at London's O2 Arena.

Eating his fags! What will the cheeky chappie think of next, snorting his Dad's ashes?

From b3ta.com

We will grow up soon, swears.

Goblin child Bindi Irwin has continued in her quest for total world domination by appearing on the catwalk at the Las Vegas-held fashion trade show, MAGIC, where she was launching the Bindi International Spring/Summer 2008 collection on a global scale.

Wearing a yellow T-shirt and khaki camouflage shorts, Bindi appeared on stage with a 2-metre-long carpet python wrapped around her neck.

She then paraded down the runway in front of a crowd of about 500.

The wildlife warrior was joined on the runway by other young models wearing the Bindi International spring/summer 2008 line, although one young boy looked terrified when Bindi's snake appeared to lunge at him.

We're glad that Bindi is continuing in her dad's fine work with sensitive animals, because if there's one thing we know about the care and keeping of carpet pythons, it's that they love being handled under stage lights with music pumping from a massive sound system. They also like drinking pina coladas and being dressed up in Barbie doll clothes.

We cannot be the only ones slightly surprised by the news that Ian 'Dicko' Dickson has just signed on to star as a judge on The Next Great American Band - a search for the, erm, next great American band - alongside Johnny Rzeznik from The Goo Goo Dolls* and Sheila E.

Says The Age -

Like Idol, The Next Great American Band will challenge groups to perform in several different styles as it searches for the top unsigned band in the US. The three judges will narrow down the field to 10 finalists who'll perform live each week, playing a mix of their own music and cover tunes. Viewers will have the final say in who stays and who goes. Australian Idol has only recently started its sixth series on Network Ten, and is not scheduled to end till December. Comment was being sought from Dickson.

We're seeking a comment from him too - specifically, an explanation as to how the fuck he pulled this off! Congratulations Dicko. Now you'd best prepare yeself for the smack-like buzz of fame on a much, much bigger level.

*Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley enjoyed their first dance as man and wife to the tune of his hit song Iris

Warwick Capper, somehow finding time out from his impressively busy schedule which involves the filming of pornos, forging a career in politics, and horrifying Gold Coast citizens by wandering around as a meter maid in hotpants, managed to get himself into trouble over the weekend after instructing his thirteen year old son to unleash the fury during a game of footy.

The incident occurred on Saturday at Broadbeach Oval, where Indiana Capper's Southport Sharks were playing the Surfers Paradise Demons. The former Sydney and Brisbane star midway through the first quarter reportedly shouted, "Just bash 'em" to his son. According to Surfers Paradise Demons team mum Sue Cross, Capper's behaviour left parents shocked and appalled.

Surely Warwick's behaviour can be excused as the actions of a man swept up in uncontrollable feverish excitement ignited by witnessing the thrilling West Side Story-esque rivalry between enemy suburbs Southport and Surfers Paradise being played out on a football pitch by athletic teens?

Also, Defamer Australia is taking bets on just what Warwick's next headline grabbing activity will be, considering the man hasn't really done anything useful for years and yet he's managed to turn up in the news seemingly on a fortnightly basis for some reason or another

As any self-respecting layabout-turned- failed-rapper- turned- custody-seeker would do, Kevin Federline has been working overtime to burnish the jaunty halo of responsibility he's placed atop his own head. His latest accomplice: One Tree Hill executive producer Mark Schwahn, who both compliments K-Fed on his two-episode guest stint and then tries to convince Us Weekly that he wasn't even aware of all the headlines - he just wanted that marvellous, talented bastard to grace his set:

Us: What did you think of the attention you got by casting him? MS: I wasn't nervous - I was surprised by it. [On the show], we're comfortable creatively. We have this unprecedented idea of jumping ahead four years [in terms of character development]. We don't need to invite Kevin in for the promotion or the press. It was about him being a good fit for the character.

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Now that wife Demi Moore has pried the trucker hat from betwixt his twitching fingers and buried it in the backyard, Ashton Kutcher evidently feels uniquely qualified to help us bid adieu to the concept of the preening, pomade-encrusted metrosexual - so 2004 - and usher in a new era in the storied history of male grooming. In an essay the actor penned for Harper's Bazaar, Kutcher helpfully suggests that women should treat their dates like the pretty, empty husks of man-candy that they are:

His advice for women: "You never want people to notice your accessories. ... In this same way, your man should not upstage you. He is there to highlight you."

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We suspected strange things were afoot at the Circle K when Larry Birkhead awkwardly shuffled down the Teen Choice Awards red carpet. Somehow, we doubted girls of age 13-17 gleefully taped up posters of Anna Nicole's sperminator next to shots of Zac Efron's hair. Turns out our Spidey Sense was right - Birkhead had been nominated alongside such crackpot luminaries as Lindsay, Britney, and Sanjaya for a category that was abruptly scrapped when certain crazy bitches put on panties just so they could get them in a wad:

"There was originally going to be a 'Newsmakers of the Year' award," said our insider. "Paris was nominated for her 23-day stint in jail, Lindsay for her latest DUI bust and Britney for the infamous head-shaving incident. But none of them would dare to show up . . . all the publicists [for the celebutards] went crazy on Fox, and they just scrapped the category."

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Nothing says "I'm just doing this out of the goodness of my gentle heart" than throwing a temper tantrum over someone allegedly walking off with your charity idea. Such is the tangled, twisted web Geena Davis seems to be weaving; the details are admittedly a little confusing, but according to USA Today, Davis appears to be suing two Minnesota residents for selfishly hogging all her philanthropic glory:

Davis, 51, said in court papers that she came up with the idea for the See Jane foundation, which encourages balanced gender representation in entertainment for children, in 2004.

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We've now had two nights to fully absorb the catastrophic news that gifted actor, talented screenwriter, and inspiration to legions of aspiring Polaroid Beach House A-list party guests the world over Owen "The Butterscotch Stallion" Wilson attempted suicide at his Santa Monica home on Sunday; while the shock subsides, only questions remain. A round-up of the latest developments:

· 911 call records reveal the Santa Monica Police were indeed responding to an "attempted suicide." [Extra]
· Wilson slit his left wrist and swallowed an indeterminate number of pills after a "vicious quarrel" with an unidentified friend, whom until further notice we'll refer to as Mr. Feeling Seriously Guilty Right About Now. [NY Post]

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The upsetting news dominating the headlines make us long for the playful and carefree days of yesterweek, when the frolicsome exploits of Naked Leopard Man tickled us to our very core. Forgive us, then, for resorting to posting this photo of a naked leopard man of a very different stripe, sent to us by a reader who stumbled upon it in on a British bodypainting site. We realise, despite his meek attempts at relaying ferocity, that this feline exhibitionist doesn't quite possess the magic of the original; at the very least, however, one glimpse of his spotted nutsack should wipe away every other thought from your mind, if only temporarily.

• [bodypainting.co.uk]

· Corey Haim's off again, on again appearance in the direct-to-video sequel to The Lost Boys is looking to be off again. Prepare for waterworks.
· You: "Asian Girl Over 18 Bleached Blond." Him: "FAMOUS." It's a match made in heaven!
· "I have come to Syria and Iraq to help draw attention to the humanitarian crisis and to urge governments to increase their support for UNHCR and its partners." That's fine and dandy, Angelina, but when are you going to tape a YouTube message with helpful tips for pronouncing Nouri al-Maliki?
· A cornucopia of those animated TV logos from the '70s and '80s.
· Ang Lee's latest film is listed by the Venice International Film Festival as coming from "Taiwan, China," and thus a political controversy is born. Brokeback Mountain was a gay cakewalk compared to this mess.

With the recent news that he had deferred the entirety of his $US20 million fee on Yes Man, the general consensus among the deal-making elite was that onetime King of Comedy Jim Carrey had officially ceded his crown. (All too eager to take his place were a new generation of chubby, Jewfroed actor-writers, who choose to wallow in the basest depths of menstrual blood humour, and wouldn't know real funny if a pair of talking ass cheeks walked right up and bit them.)

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· We don't even know where to begin with this one: Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is set to star in Disney's Witch Mountain, a follow-up to one of the most formative moviegoing experiences of our distant youth, Escape to Witch Mountain. Don't mess with Tony and Tia, Rock: They fuck you up good. [Variety]
· Tim Burton's "could you turn the human-intestinal-pudding shots down a smidge?" Sweeney Todd gets a December 21st release date. [Variety]
· George Lucas hired white-hot screenwriter John Ridley to write the script for Red Tails, a WWII drama about the color-barrier-shattering Tuskegee Airmen, feared by the Germans for their deadly, X-wing-mounted laser rifles. [Variety]
· Social networking websites gone public! Analysts suspect sites like Classmates.com could do well on the stock market, backed by irresistible marketing campaigns like, "Can you believe SHE married HIM?" [THR]
· Innovative agents Michael McConnell and Ben Press are suing the agency for being "unfairly chained to their jobs." Both suits cite the heavy, iron chains soldered to their ankles and tethered to their desks as irrefutable proof. [THR]

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If you count yourself among the slim minority of party poopers hurling hysterical and irresponsible accusations of child abuse at the producers of one of the most important social experiments of our time - i.e. the reality TV dystopia known as Kid Nation - then we refer you to the impassioned testimony of a participant's mother on yesterday's Access Hollywood. Having apparently helped herself to some of the bleach-tinged Kool-Aid made readily available in a large barrel in Nation's town square, the CBS-sanctioned mouthpiece compellingly argues how not even the occasional burning or poisoning could detract from the good times being had at this adult-free "summer camp environment," at the end of which anyone over the age of 15 is disposed of in a fun, fiery ritual known as Carousel.

• [Access Hollywood]
• Kid Nation [CBS]

We're still feeling a little guilty for posting that photo of fake naked leopard man earlier today, which we readily admit was equal parts nauseating and underwhelming, and utterly devoid of any of the charms that made the authentic Naked Leopard Man such a timeless classic. To make it up to you, we have what we consider to be a very special treat: Lucky and Flo, the two highly trained dogs who can not only sniff out pirated DVDs, but then engage their handlers in a vigorous match of Frisbee Fetch with said contraband, paid a visit to The Today Show this morning.

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