Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Idol Round-Up: Tarisai Vushe Proves That A Brilliant Voice Will Get You To The Top; Lana Krost Disproves That Theory Instantly
10:58AM Clem Bastow | Next two through to Final 12: Tarisai Vushe, Lana Krost
Mixed emotions upon last night’s announcement of the third and fourth contestants through to Idol’s Final 12. When we saw Tarisai sing, we were overcome with joy and promised to eat our television if that voice was not rewarded with a place in the finals. Fortunately, she got through; unfortunately, we are still hungry.
This is also good news because, as Dicko suggested when he called her “barking mad”, Tarisai is also totally crazy/amazing, as evidenced by this quote from her Idol contestant questionnaire:
Watching Whitney Houston on television letting that voice out made me cry to God about how I wanted to become a precious woman and start singing professionally, leading to a long career.
We are looking forward to this precious woman’s tearing her weaker-voiced Idol peers a new arsehole, hopefully all the way to the Opera House.
However, we also had a strong premonition on Monday night that 17-year-old Lana Krost would become this year’s Lauren Buckley/Amali Ward/Natalie Zahra/Lisa Mitchell and be the “young chick who the young chicks vote through” (although, to clarify, we love Amali and Lisa), and last night, our fears were confirmed as the girl with a voice about as exciting as a Milk Arrowroot dipped in milky Tetley’s was voted through to the Final 12.
After four series of Australian Idol, we still have some naïve hope that only the truly talented contestants will make it through, and we still get disappointed year after year. This year it’s a case of one-out-of-four-is-bad so far, and we’re still crossing those fingers for the wildcard round.
ED: I am mildly concerned by this Tarisai love fest, Bastow. She thanked Jesus for her performance of Straight Lines, for fucks sake! That said, she is obviously completely batshit crazy, and therefore I support her inclusion in the Top Twelve, if only because of the potential for psychotic episodes/breakdowns/hilariously over-the-top one liners. More » 
The Mid-Morning Wrap Up
10:45AM Anna King | While You Were Sleeping: This Naked Leopard Man made our week. This one just burned our eyes. A lot. NSFAnyone with the power of vision. Ashton Kutcher’s winning relationship advice for the ladies: just lie to him. Apparently no one wanted the prize for “Crackpot of the Year”. For your convenience: the latest in OwenWatch as easy-to-read bullet points! It’s Still Good: James Blundell’s wife, kids, not so keen about his affair with Idol contestant. Big Brother “star” to “act dumb” in Kath & Kim. Michael Caton hits back at one of the greatest, no, strike that…THE greatest comedic genius of our time. Does anyone harbour a Girls Aloud vs. The Spice Girls mud fight fantasy? Anyone? More »UK Press Speculates As To Possible Photographic, Cinematic Causes Of Owen Wilson’s Dismay
10:37AM Clem Bastow | While the Wilson camp remains tight-lipped about Owen Wilson’s reported suicide attempt, and we all try to give him the space and privacy to heal that he’s requested, the UK press are busying themselves by wondering whether Owen might’ve been driven to harm himself after 
Amy Winehouse Round-Up: In-Laws At War; Husband On Suicide Watch; Probably Woke Up Today And Had Some Food, Read Papers
10:10AM Clem Bastow | In today’s Amy Winehouse Round-Up, Blake Fielder-Civil’s ‘rents are obviously filled with confidence in their new daughter-in-law, expressing their concern that if Amy carks it from drug or booze misadventures, Blake will follow suit.
Giles Civil said: “We’re concerned that if one of them dies, the other will die. They’re a very close couple and if one dies through substance abuse, the other will commit suicide.”
Meanwhile, Amy’s dad Mitch has panned the Civils, saying their foolproof plan to send a message to Amy by way of the public refusing to buy her records is flawed – is the man mad?! – and that instead of attending a meeting with record label reps to discuss a possible professional intervention, Blake’s parents got on the sauce.
“They came down to London. But instead of coming to that meeting to sit with the doctors and with me and representatives of the record company, they chose to go to the pub with Amy and Blake.
“This is the problem we find ourselves up against. We have two families pulling in different directions. Basically we just want the same things, we want our children to be safe.
“But we’ve got different definitions of how we can do that.”
With all this to’ing and fro’ing, is it any wonder Winegums is hiding out on her tropical holiday? We suggest they all get together and sort this out over a big bowl of strawberry ice-cream. More » 
Keith Richards Proves A Nutritious Breakfast Includes Cereal, Toast, Milk, Fruit And Fags
9:39AM Clem Bastow | So the country you are playing a concert in has banned smoking in all pubs and venues.
If you are an ordinary person, you will step outside for a wheeze and obey the rules. If, on the other hand, you are Keith Richards, you will find all manner of ingenious ways to flout the ban – to wit, eating your cigarettes.
Fans cheered as the Rolling Stone, 63, produced the fag – thinking he was about to light up as he did at an earlier show.
Instead he popped it into his mouth at London’s O2 Arena.
Eating his fags! What will the cheeky chappie think of next, snorting his Dad’s ashes? More » This Picture Made Us Laugh Heartily This Morning
9:22AM Jess McGuire | From b3ta.com
We will grow up soon, swears. More » 
Bindi Continues Dad’s Legacy Of Caring For Animals By Dragging Snake Down Catwalk At Trade Show
9:12AM Clem Bastow | Goblin child Bindi Irwin has continued in her quest for total world domination by appearing on the catwalk at the Las Vegas-held fashion trade show, MAGIC, where she was launching the Bindi International Spring/Summer 2008 collection on a global scale.
Wearing a yellow T-shirt and khaki camouflage shorts, Bindi appeared on stage with a 2-metre-long carpet python wrapped around her neck.
She then paraded down the runway in front of a crowd of about 500.
The wildlife warrior was joined on the runway by other young models wearing the Bindi International spring/summer 2008 line, although one young boy looked terrified when Bindi’s snake appeared to lunge at him.
We’re glad that Bindi is continuing in her dad’s fine work with sensitive animals, because if there’s one thing we know about the care and keeping of carpet pythons, it’s that they love being handled under stage lights with music pumping from a massive sound system. They also like drinking pina coladas and being dressed up in Barbie doll clothes. More » Dicko, The Guy Who Wrote Avril & Deryk’s Wedding Song, And The Musical Director Of Prince’s ‘New Power Generation’ Team Up To Find The Next Great American Band
8:39AM Jess McGuire | We cannot be the only ones slightly surprised by the news that Ian ‘Dicko’ Dickson has just signed on to star as a judge on The Next Great American Band – a search for the, erm, next great American band – alongside Johnny Rzeznik from The Goo Goo Dolls* and Sheila E.
Says The Age -
Like Idol, The Next Great American Band will challenge groups to perform in several different styles as it searches for the top unsigned band in the US. The three judges will narrow down the field to 10 finalists who’ll perform live each week, playing a mix of their own music and cover tunes. Viewers will have the final say in who stays and who goes. Australian Idol has only recently started its sixth series on Network Ten, and is not scheduled to end till December. Comment was being sought from Dickson.
We’re seeking a comment from him too – specifically, an explanation as to how the fuck he pulled this off! Congratulations Dicko. Now you’d best prepare yeself for the smack-like buzz of fame on a much, much bigger level.
*Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley enjoyed their first dance as man and wife to the tune of his hit song Iris
More » Warwick Capper Shocks Absolutely No One By Acting Like A Tool In Public Yet Again
7:56AM Jess McGuire | Warwick Capper, somehow finding time out from his impressively busy schedule which involves the filming of pornos, forging a career in politics, and horrifying Gold Coast citizens by wandering around as a meter maid in hotpants, managed to get himself into trouble over the weekend after instructing his thirteen year old son to unleash the fury during a game of footy.
The incident occurred on Saturday at Broadbeach Oval, where Indiana Capper’s Southport Sharks were playing the Surfers Paradise Demons. The former Sydney and Brisbane star midway through the first quarter reportedly shouted, “Just bash ‘em” to his son. According to Surfers Paradise Demons team mum Sue Cross, Capper’s behaviour left parents shocked and appalled.
Surely Warwick’s behaviour can be excused as the actions of a man swept up in uncontrollable feverish excitement ignited by witnessing the thrilling West Side Story-esque rivalry between enemy suburbs Southport and Surfers Paradise being played out on a football pitch by athletic teens?
Also, Defamer Australia is taking bets on just what Warwick’s next headline grabbing activity will be, considering the man hasn’t really done anything useful for years and yet he’s managed to turn up in the news seemingly on a fortnightly basis for some reason or another
More » 
