Saturday, August 25, 2007
The Sheriff’s Dept. Defends Their Cruel Treatment Of Nicole Richie
10:00AM Defamer Hollywood | If you’re anything like us, you slept terribly last night, waking up precisely every 82 minutes in subconscious protest of the bizarrely harsh prison term nonviolent, wrong-way driver Nicole Richie was forced to serve between 3:15 p.m. and 4:17 p.m. early yesterday afternoon. Doing its civic responsibility, the LAT made the Sheriff’s Department defend its decision to subject the famous inmate to an intolerable 82 minutes of cruelty, getting a spokesman on the record to claim that anyone in the same circumstance would get similarly brutal treatment: On Thursday, [Los Angeles County Undersheriff Larry] Waldie said, 143 people facing charges similar to Richie’s were freed early — 89 males and 54 females. More »
Impending Death Announcements
9:30AM Defamer Hollywood | Perez Hilton, your go-to destination for news about the medical status of ailing dictators, is reporting that Castro has died. [PerezHilton] More »
Mel Gibson Completes Mandatory Tour Of AA Duty
9:00AM Defamer Hollywood | Yesterday, just a little over one year since the fateful night part-time Costa Rican resident Mel Gibson strolled out of a Malibu cocktail lounge and into infamy as the Hebrew-hatingest, sugartit-leeriest Oscar winner in all of Hollywood, a judge declared the actor free from having to attend mandatory Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. From the NY Daily News: A Malibu judge yesterday said the Oscar winner, who was busted for drunken driving in July 2006, has completed his court-ordered alcohol-cessation program. More »Unfounded Rumours That Britney Spears May Have Once Had A Music Career Are Circulating
8:30AM Defamer Hollywood | While Access Hollywood has helpfully added some subtitles to the audio of Britney Spears’ rumoured comeback song so that you can bring along a copy of the clip to Valley institution Sardo’s legendary “Celebrity Trainwreck Karaoke Night” tonight, we think they’ve badly misinterpreted the potential hit single’s lyrics. Indeed, “Everyday, I’m a daze,” requires no explanation given Spears’ half-remembered, topless hot tub encounters with loose-lipped video extras, but “So why do you desert me, baby boy?” is obviously a reference to her still-unnamed second offspring, who’s developed a vexing talent for escaping his playpen each time mommy wants to spend some quality teeth-whitening time with the child. Access Hollywood Previously: Britney Spears: The Last Usable Photo Shoot [Defamer] More »
Week In Review: Week Of The Leopard Man
8:00AM Defamer Hollywood | We don’t even know your name, Naked Leopard Man, but you made our week. Annals of Wrist-Slap Justice: Lindsay Lohan gets seven misdemeanor charges. Nicole Richie gets 82 minutes and the backing of the Sheriff. Kid Nation: But child endangerment is the whole point! Brian Grazer puts the hot into 40kg weaklings. Any hope of an entertaining Emmy telecast, out. Amy Pascal slaps hers on the table. Star and Isaiah deserve each other. Come to think of it, Entourage has yet to explore the rich terrain of Ari Gold’s mother. Thespian Janeane Garofalo can play the blue to red spectrum. The Lurning Channel appreciates your input. America’s Got Talent. It also has this guy and David Hasselhoff. Mel Gibson’s OK, you’re OK. New Line helpfully reminds you that bullet-proofing your baby now easier than ever. Jerry Lewis fondly remembers an old friend. More »
New Line Would Like To Help You Bullet Proof Your Baby
7:00AM Defamer Hollywood | In an inspired online promotion guaranteed to be warmly embraced by both new parents and gun-control enthusiasts alike, the always-innovative, viral-happy New Line marketing team has has produced the tie-in site Bullet Proof Baby for their upcoming Shoot ‘Em Up, where potential moviegoers can dream about purchasing a wide array of consumer goods (toddler-tazers, armoured cribs, My First Gas Mask) that might protect their newborn children against the kind of comically hyperbolic violence they’ll soon enjoy at their local multiplex. While the site lacks the immersive interactivity of New Line’s infamous “Go Down On Paul Walker’s Virtual Wife” game, watching a proud mum fire a machine gun at a crib does provide a higher entertainment level overall; and, unlike its misguided Number 23 campaign, at least the baby survives this time. Bullet Proof Baby [bulletproofbaby.net] More »
Trade Roundup: Fox Throws Hands In The Air, Decides It Has No Choice But To Make ‘Dallas’ As A Comedy
6:20AM Defamer Hollywood | · Realising that no matter what their vision was going in for a long-planned, big-screen adaptation of Dallas, the final result would be hilarious, Regency and 20th Century have finally decided to just give up and officially make it as a comedy. Betty Thomas will direct, and John Travolta will still star as JR Ewing, playing the part in only a slightly bigger fashion as a nod to the project’s new direction. [Variety] · Once again, the DGA refuses to allow For Your Consideration DVD screeners to be sent to members for their yearly awards, forcing guild members to schlep out to screenings to see their peers’ work presented as it was intended. [THR] · Following the less-than-blockbuster results of promotions for movies like Akeelah and the Bee and Arctic Tale, Hollywood is discovering that Starbucks might not be marketing monolith that they’d had hoped it would be. Several studios are now considering scaled-back versions of the failing Starbucks experiment, such as planting paid confederates to sit by the door of The Coffee Bean and loudly shout into a mobile phone about how much they loved a partner’s movie. [Variety] It’s about time someone made a RenFair comedy*: Universal buys the Rainn Wilson project Renaissance Man, about two community theatre actors who hide out a renaissance fair after thinking they’ve killed one of their co-stars. (*For real; and no, we don’t count that one part in The Cable Guy.) [THR] · Focus Features accepts the MPAA’s NC-17 rating for Ang Lee’s erotically charged espionage thriller Lust, Caution for “too many scenes of artsy-fartsy fucking.” [Variety] More »Eating PBJ Sandwiches For A Week Is Not A Talent
6:15AM Defamer Hollywood | Using the ongoing Kid Nation labour-law mess as a jumping off point, Slate explains how reality TV contestant’s lack of talent keeps them from being professional entertainers. (In a legal sense.) [Slate] More »Short Ends: Checking In With America’s Favourite Crazy-In-Love Astronaut
6:10AM Defamer Hollywood | Remember, Lisa Marie Nowak, adult-undergarment-wearing, crazy-in-love astronaut? When Toni Collette finally gets the call for Breaking Orbit: The Lisa Marie Nowak Story, this clip of her asking to be freed of her cumbersome electronic ankle monitor will help the actress more fully inhabit the surefire Emmy-winning role. “Hey, that Hannah Montana show/Law & Order: Criminal Intent episode sounds a lot like my idea for a secret-rockstar-in-high-school show/third-place-winning script contest entry!” say aggrieved writers in different stages of the tilting-at-studio-windmills process. Don’t watch this if you’d like to avoid seeing moving images of Jack Nicholson eating a sandwich while shirtless. The Dirty Sanchez crew is including a barf bag with their DVDs; don’t be surprised if their stateside competitors decide to up the ante by packaging a fart mask in a special directors’ cut of Jackass 2. The world held its breath when Katie Holmes nearly fumbled Suri while twisting an ankle in Paris, but quickly exhaled once it saw that her omnipresent baby-retention team was on hand to make sure no harm could come to the infant. More »
