Friday, August 24, 2007
Bindi Commemorates Father’s Death By Doing What He Loved, Live On TV
11:35AM Clem Bastow | The Irwin tribe continue to make their very private grief very public, with the announcement that Bindi Irwin (cause of one of our favourite pieces of graffiti ever, “Bindi Irwin scares the shit out of me”) will host a saccharine television memorial regarding Steve, on the one-year anniversary of his death.
Bindi, nine, will host My Daddy The Crocodile Hunter on September 1, airing unseen home videos and talking about her unique childhood with the world famous showman and wildlife campaigner.
Are we the only ones who feel distinctly uncomfortable about all this? We still get the feeling, as we always have, that Terri Irwin would be perfectly happy living – and grieving – away from the cameras; is this all some kind of “it’s what Steve would’ve wanted?” act of nobility? If so, she can be as brave and noble as she wants, provided she also keeps Bindi off our screens! More » 
Quirk Of Fate Sees “Too Young” Model Working Overtime, Doubting Melbourne City Councillor Learns To Suck Eggs
11:26AM Clem Bastow | First they said models couldn’t be so thin, then they said they couldn’t be so young, sending the Vogue ‘Show Coverage & Models’ forum into a spin…
You may also recall that Melbourne City councillor Fiona Snedden insisted that the planned “face” of Melbourne Spring Fashion Week be dumped, saying model Claire Quirk (then 15) was too young for such a role; they then appointed 18-year-old fashion designer Jacqui Alexander to the position instead, who was clearly much older and more mature a spokesmodel.
Well, she’s been booked for seven parades during the fest, proving that despite the best intentions of the country’s moral guardians, Australia’s fashion catwalks continue to be stalked by sullen Diet Coke-drinking teenagers wearing their mum’s dresses.
Her agent, Matthew Anderson from Chadwicks, said he was still furious at Cr Snedden, in particular at comments that Quirk was not representative of Melbourne and not a good role model.
“To see those sweeping comments from a councillor that has nothing to do with the industry or knows nothing about it is offensive,” he said.
…
The Mentone Girls Grammar year 10 student turns 16 during the festival on September 4. She told the Herald Sun she had been looking forward to the fashion week role, but accepted the decision.
“I’m fine about it. It just didn’t happen this time.
“It was their choice.”
Quirk said she was determined to finish school and hoped to study at university to have something to fall back on.
So, what have we learnt from this saga? Teenaged girls on posters advertising fashion festivals = bad. Teenaged girls pimped out on catwalks as ersatz women = great! Expect next year’s Melbourne Fashion Festival face to be a 48-year-old woman, with toddlers on the runways. More » 
Jason Singh Gets Set For Taxiride To The Top, Fame No Longer Creeping Up Slowly!
10:31AM Clem Bastow | Remember Taxiride? That bunch of Nice GuysTM who managed to be confusingly successful, with Get Set somehow ending up on the Election soundtrack and their hilariously badly titled #1 album Imaginate doing all sorts of things to commercial radio around the turn of the Century? (We love using that phrase.)
Well, if you felt a gaping hole in your life since the last time you heard Everywhere You Go played on Video Hits, fear not, as Taxiride frontman Jason Singh is BACK! (And yes, Taxiride army, we are aware that the band is still together and playing such illustrious gigs as the Regatta Festival in Brisbane.)
At a showcase for his new band, Future Role Models (can’t you just see that on merch?), reps from three rival record labels were apparently jostling for position in the front row.
The story fails to mention names of the record labels, so while we are presumably meant to think of EMI, Warner and Universal, they could just have likely been Frankston-based start-ups with a small business grant. Nothing, however, could have prepared us for the earnestness of this quote from Singh, regarding Taxiride’s rise and fall:
“They (industry) wanted us to be a boy band and we thought we were The Eagles,” he said yesterday.
Such is the tragic fate suffered by so many late-’90s non-threatening male pop vocal groups, but Singh is no JOHNNY COME LATELY – he better get used to LIFE IN THE FAST LANE if he wants to avoid some HEARTBREAK TONIGHT and get this career reinvention on the road before HELL FREEZES OVER. More » 
Mr Boombastic Not Pleased By Spice Girls Reunion, In No Hurry To Claim Critical Outburst Wasn’t Him
10:13AM Clem Bastow | While the rest of us are frantically thinking of all the different postal addresses we can use to enter the Spice Girls World Tour ticket ballot, one influential and internationally renowned thinker has made it quite clear just how he feels about the reunion, no doubt leaving the pop fivesome with no choice but to call the whole thing off.
We are, clearly, talking about Shaggy, who has been making a fuss regarding the Spicies’ tour. Evidently, and blasphemously, he was never a fan in the first place!
He shuddered: “I’m not looking forward to it. I didn’t look forward to the first one.
“I don’t see why I should look forward to the second one.”
…
He reckons he knows why they’re doing it though: “I think Victoria just feels like she has some broke friends and wants to help them out.
Mmm, spoken like a man whose last album charted at #174! More » HUUUUUGHESY Apologises To Sandilands, Means A Great Deal To Australia’s Dickheads
10:02AM Clem Bastow | Presumably Dave Hughes has spent the past couple of days quaking in his boots thanks to Kyle “King” Sandilands’ threatening to “punch him in the throat”, after Andrew Denton reminded the inexplicably highly-paid media “identity” that Hughesy had referred to him as a “massive dickhead” at the Logies. No doubt wishing to save his throat from Sandilands’ powerfully meaty fists, Hughes has released the best public apology we’ve seen in a loooong time:
“Mr Hughes said : ‘I am sincerely and deeply sorry that Kyle Sandilands is a massive dickhead.’
“Mr Hughes hopes that this sincere and unreserved apology will put this ugliness to rest and stop Mr Sandilands from going to jail.
“Mr Hughes further remarked: ‘No one deserves to go to jail just for being a massive dickhead. Massive dickheads have the same rights as normal people.’
“Mr Hughes is not available for further comment on this matter.”
Reports that Kyle was seen throwing a massive tanty on the floor of the ‘Chips & Snacks’ aisle of his local Safeway while Tamara Jaber hid her face in shame could not be confirmed at time of press. More » Lisa Veronicas “Supportive” Of Virgin Geyer, Not Shoplifting The Pooty
10:00AM Clem Bastow | While Lisa Origliasso is presumably working the cash-registers at Target Miranda right now, she also found the time to tell the Hun about her relationship with Idol’s back-flipping Christian poster boy, Dean Geyer – who a) lives in Melbourne while Origliasso is in LA, and b) is remaining a virgin until marriage. Sounds like a winner!
Origliasso has a reputation as a rock chick with bad-boy exes, including disgraced radio DJ Craig “Lowie” Lowe.
“I don’t feel any pressure,” Origliasso said yesterday of Geyer’s vow of chastity.
“I support him with all his decisions just as he supports mine, so it’s all good. We’re very secure in our relationship, we’re very happy. I support all his choices.”
We’re sure they’re very happy but there is something in Lisa’s repeated “supporting” of Dean’s “choices” that makes us picture her rocking back and forth whilst saying it, Howard Hughes-style. More » 
Nicole Richie Finds God In 82 Minutes
9:40AM Defamer Hollywood | Eight months after she was arrested for a painkiller-and-reefer-fuelled westbound joyride on the 134 East, mum-to-be Nicole Richie quietly did what needed to be done, and checked herself into the Century Regional Detention Facility in Lynwood at 3:15 p.m. today. Reviewing her case, prison officials deemed three-quarters-of-an-hour sufficient time for a rehabilitated Richie to have fully repaid her debt to society, and the prisoner was thus released, a full 82 minutes after her liberty had been so cruelly taken from her. It was barely enough time to have a mugshot taken (almost identical to her last one, save for reversed hair and shirt colour) and catch a brief glimpse inside the Paris Hilton Memorial Hole, where Richie marvelled aloud at how deep the wall scratches left by her Simple Life co-star were before leaving the facility for good, stopping outside the gate to take in a long whiff of the sweet, sweet afternoon Lynwood air. It smelled like freedom. Nicole Richie Released From Jail [showbuzz.cbsnews.com] More »
Lindsay Lohan Getting Tiny Amount Of Jail Time, Honest About Drugs And Booze
9:30AM Defamer Hollywood | Not long after Lindsay Lohan’s miracle-working attorney entered a guilty and no-contest plea for various misdemeanor counts of drunk-driving and being under the influence of blowcaine – pleas that earned the actress one! whole! day! (at least!) in jail – Lohan’s image-salvation team issued this statement: “It is clear to me that my life has become completely unmanageable because I am addicted to alcohol and drugs,” she said in a statement. More »
Reports Of Britney Spears Sucking Face In A Belgian Hotel Lobby Greatly Exaggerated
9:15AM Defamer Hollywood | We tend not to take tips from mysterious European sources about the world’s most famous celebutards lightly, ever since “The french” sent us a breathless missive fully anticipating Paris Hilton’s 180° transformation from wayward flashbulb-whore to Mother Theresa-with-a-Kitson-clothing-line by several months. So when we received the following e-mail from an alleged waiter at the Antwerp Hilton, in which he described witnessing Patron Saint of Bad Mommies Britney Spears seducing another conquest in the hotel lobby, well, we thought what we had in our hot little hands was the kind of scoop lesser global Spears-tracking outfits would kill for: HELLO, YOU DO NOT BELIEVE WHAT I JUST SAW !!!!!! I SWEAR THIS ON MY MOTHERS GRAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! More »
