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Posted by Jess McGuire at 2:51 PM on August 21, 2007
You know when you're watching something and you're like, "Wow - this is really puerile. I really shouldn't be laughing at this. I enjoy clever jokes and wordplay. Why am I smiling? This is idiotic. I need help"?
That's pretty much where we're at in regards to the following clip.
Sorry.
Panicked that the Emmys were rapidly approaching and they hadn't yet named a host for the awards telecast, Fox has convinced American Idol master of karaoke ceremonies Ryan Seacrest to borrow one of Ellen DeGeneres' tuxedos and assume emceeing duties for Hollywood's Third- Or Fourth-Biggest Night, Depending On How You Feel About The Globes And SAG Awards. While Seacrest's hosting bonafides are certainly beyond question - tens of millions of furiously texting teenage girls can't be wrong - those handling the production remind us why America is so crazy in love with Hollywood's hardest working man and offer a brief tease about the surprises they have in store for TV fans. Reports Var:
"Ryan Seacrest is known and loved by television audiences around the world," Fox alternative entertainment prexy Mike Darnell said. "His work on 'American Idol' is unparalleled in the industry. He's a consummate host of major live broadcast events and a proven talent who always makes it look easy, which makes him the perfect choice for this year's Emmy telecast."
· High School Musical 2 pulls in a staggering 17.2 million viewers, making it the most-watched basic cable show ever. And we still have only the vaguest idea of what it is beyond some footage of that kid who's too tan singing. [Variety]
· Jason Biggs and Lizzy Caplan sign up for second banana duty on the the Kate Hudson/Dane Cook comedy Bachelor No. 2, playing the BFFs who must cope with the hilarious antics of their higher-billed castmates. [THR]
· Nerdgasm alert! Veronica Mars star Kristen Bell is joining the cast of Heroes, which apparently won a battle with Lost for her services on a multi-episode arc. [Variety]
· Jessica Lucas is added to the talent roster of CSI, but officially not as a replacement for Jorja Fox's possibly-dead character Sara. [THR]
· Hollywood's Random Romantic Comedy Cast Generator spits out a pairing of Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston for an adaptation of the bestseller Marley and Me, the story of a couple who adopt a dog as a trial run for parenthood. Spoiler alert: Thing's don't go well at first, but in the end, everyone learns lessons about love, adulthood, and responsibility! [Variety]
What at first we thought was the result of a binge-weekend-induced fever-dream incorporating some of the most disturbing images from the worlds of Middle Earth, Sid and Marty Krofft, Laugh-In, and Stonewell-era drag queendom, it turns out was merely a photo taken on the set of Yo Gabba Gabba!, Nick Jr.'s new live-action show for the toddler-set, premiering tonight in nurseries and bong-clouded dorm rooms across the country, and sure to cause much controversy when the Religious Right accuses the green hairy thing of being gay.
When she isn't regaling her fellow Cirque Lodge dorm buddies with hilarious stories from the Herbie: Fully Loaded set like how Matt Dillon smelled like a mixture of Brylcreem and cheese, Lindsay Lohan has had plenty of time during her most recent luxury rehab stint to strategise the crucial next steps of her career. With the stacks of scripts that used to be sent her way dwindling since the career-suicide double gut-punch of her coke-panted Denalijacking and the release of I Know Who Killed Me, Lohan is now reportedly looking to return to the relatively substance-abuse-friendly realm of pop music. Rush and Molloy reports:
The rehabbing LiLo is looking to revive her recording career, we hear. Insiders say Lohan has let Universal Music execs know she's ready to deliver the third album she owes. But do they want it? [L]ately, relations between [Casablanca label head Tommy] Mottola and Lohan are said to have cooled...And others at Universal Music are approaching her cautiously. [...]
On the premiere of her new Court TV show today, Star Jones invited Isaiah Washington to again discuss how a vast conspiracy behind the scenes at Grey's Anatomy forced him to blurt out the term "faggot" at an inopportune moment, ultimately leading to his dismissal from the series. But just when you thought the actor's serial silence-breakings had covered every angle, an all-new football metaphor helped to shed yet more light on the always scintillating subject of Washington's victimhood:
Washington: There's a technique called the crack back designed to cut you off at the knees before you can respond to it. Jones: What happens when you do not evade the "crack back?"
Another Monday morning, another coronation of a new box office king. Raise a hand to salute your new multiplex master as you review the weekend numbers:
1. Superbad - $US31.2 million
With Knocked Up debuting to about $US30 million back in June and Superbad edging past that number even in this mid-August box office wasteland, there can be no disputing that Seth Rogen is the Biggest Comedy Star in the World. (And we recognise this title without irony; this isn't Shia LeBeouf we're talking about.) Having so easily dominated the R-rated comedy space in this breakout summer season, we think we're beginning to understand The Green Hornet thing: once you've done for [mild spoiler alert?] menstrual blood and penis cartoons what collaborator Judd Apatow did for crowning babies, it's not too early to look for new worlds to conquer.
We thought it was a little strange when Sony chief Amy Pascal, THR's Most Powerful Woman in Hollywood 2006 and one of the top-rated honourees in Premiere's celebration of the industry's most influential ladies, was left off Variety's recent Women's Impact Report, but now it all makes sense: The trade didn't want to ruin the surprise that it had awarded her its highest honour, an official promotion to Man, for an incredible year of directing her studio to the lead in motion picture marketshare. We congratulate Pascal on this recognition, and can't wait until someone sends us a cameraphone photo of the many baskets of bananas her new male peers are messengering over to ceremonially welcome her into their fraternity.
[Ad via Digital Variety]
Our friends at LAist claim to have identified the Speedo-clad courier delivering scripts for Chris Pontius' Untitled Male Stripper Comedy we wrote about last week as actor Branden Williams, but it's still not clear to us if his services were a favour to a friend or part of a regular Strip-o-Gram gig so many struggling thespians use to pay the rent. [LAist]
· The Daily Show is going to Iraq, eschewing the safety of the green screen to try its chances in the Green Zone.
· Now this is the way to quit your job. It looks like Ed Limato has one fewer qualified candidate for his blowfish-guarding detail.
· Mark Burnett has sold another show to NBC; think of this one as Are You Smarter Than the Friends and Family Members Paid A Nominal Fee to Humiliate You With Stories You Can Hardly Remember?
·You'd think by now that each time K-Fed gets a temp job, we wouldn't get so excited. But each new gig remains a fresh little thrill, and we can't wait to see what he's got in store for us on One Tree Hill.
· RIP, Leona Helmsley, the Queen of Mean.
Bucking the teacup Chihuahua trend, Ving Rhames owns three 200-pound bull mastiffs and an English bulldog - trickier to have poking out of a Hermès bag on the red carpet, but doable - who were recently accused of having fatally mauled their caretaker, who lived on the property. Now, an autopsy suggests that the dogs weren't responsible for his death:
The medical examiner who conducted [Jacob] Adams' autopsy August 7 said the bite abrasions and lacerations on the man's body were most likely nonfatal, said Capt. Ed Winter of the Los Angeles County coroner's office.
In the interest of putting you back on edge, we at Defamer are bringing out the nukes: this screenshot of a shirtless Grazer, who was cornered by a TMZ video camera this weekend at the Polaroid Malibu Beach House after presumably trying to superproduce an anonymous blonde's phone number by casually mentioning that she'd be perfect for the Splash sequel he's been wanting to do for twenty years.
We apologise in advance for any emotional trauma this may have caused you.
Since previously posted YouTube clips cut together from American Big Brother 8's unflinching Intolerance Cam have proved so popular of late (as well as the brilliant Better Know A Bias chart that helps fans sort through the houseguests' complicated matrix of prejudices), we're happy to pass along another sure crowd-pleaser centred around Amber's inability to comprehend difficult, multisyllabic words like "superficial," "integrity," and "outing." The posting of the montage is a bold play by Amber fans, who hope to save their favourite contestant from possible elimination this week by trying to exploit an obscure Big Brother bylaw that prohibits the elimination of anyone not mentally advanced enough to understand what's happening to them.
"The only item Limato, who pulled down a base of $US5.25 million before getting the bum's rush, has returned to claim was a bowl housing his half-dozen exotic fish. 'ICM refused to build him a custom aquarium, which he de manded when ICM first moved into their new MGM Tower offices in February,' noted the insider. 'He had at least one blowfish and named them all after his old assistants. If one ever died over the weekend, his assistants would replace it with an exact replica so Ed would not know.' A call to Limato's new office at William Morris was not returned." We wonder if Limato is aware of his new agency's disturbing history of fish murder. He might have to hire an assistant just to keep his aquarium safe from malefactors. [Page Six]
What would it look like if H.R. Giger designed a salad? A lot like this, we're guessing. [Framebox.de via raincoaster]
