Monday, August 20, 2007
Celebrity Vet Delivers Litter
4:06PM Jess McGuire | Well, not a litter exactly – but certainly a charming wee baby girl from all reports.
TV vet Katrina Warren and husband Anthony Darcy are celebrating the arrival of daughter Charlotte Rose last weekend.
Darcy posted a sign reading “It’s a girl! 20% off all stock” in the window of his South Melbourne homewares store, Pomegranate.
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Charlotte has already been introduced to Warren’s trusty side-kick, Toby the Wonderdog.
We look forward to hearing/are vaguely afraid discovering how notoriously jealous Toby* copes with this new arrival in the Warren-Darcy clan.
*We are making this up simply because – other than the wonderful blah blah blah news of the baby – the only exciting thing in this “piece” is the mention of the 20% sale of homewares. HOMEWARES! WHO DOESN’T LOVE HOMEWARES AT BARGAIN PRICES?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!!
(faints) More » 
We’re Putting Out The Call Now – Acts Needed For HemmesAid!
3:45PM Jess McGuire | Poor Justin Hemmes.
Nightclub baron Justin Hemmes’ $150-million bar and hotel complex faces ruin because the police don’t want him to be granted a liquor licence.
The Ivy project on George Street is due to open by December, with facilities for 3000 patrons.
But police have urged the Liquor Administration Board to refuse a licence, arguing that Ivy could generate alcohol-related problems similar to those at Establishment, another Hemmes nightspot on George Street.
A distressed Mr Hemmes told The Sun-Herald Ivy was “dead in the water” without the licence.
But Acting Superintendent Simon Hardman, of The Rocks Local Area Command, said: “We cannot allow the Ivy proposal to progress unchallenged simply because it is backed by a high-profile property developer.”
And why the hell not, Hardman? He is the guru behind Establishment, for god’s sake! A haven for fuckwits, keeping them out of other less glitzy venues in Sydney and thus keeping said venues safe for the common, less unlikable folk in society. He needs an Order of Australia medal, not financial cockblocking!
Mr Hemmes said he was “amazed that the powers-that-be would have any objection to such a world-class development”.
“I have had to invest the money myself, buy the site, submit the DA and build the site, and then I can only apply for the licence when it is completed,” he said. “It is a 100per cent risk that I am taking.
The City of Sydney salutes you for your extreme bravery, Mr Hemmes.
“I am pleading with the police not to stamp out the dream. The government bodies such as the police should be bending over backwards to help innovative and creative developments. The police want the Ivy to be safe and we want it to be safe, and we should be working together. We are not just talking about a little pub on the corner – this is going to be revolutionary, a holistic experience.”
Arseholistic, more like. More » Celebrity Singing Voice Hypotheticals (Part One In A Ridiculous Ongoing Series)
2:55PM Jess McGuire | It struck us this morning as we listened to the soothing sounds of our iPod’s Monday morning playlist (yes, there is a specific playlist dedicated to pushing us through the pain of the beginning of the working week) that it would be nice to match up a non-warbling celebrity with the musical voice we believe they’d have if, in fact, they ever approached a microphone and chose to belt out a number or three for our entertainment.
Our first conclusion in this farcical segment?
Andrew Denton would sound like Paul Kelly.
That is all. More » The Only Thing We Can Be Bothered Saying About Last Night’s Idol…
10:41AM Jess McGuire | … is hows about that idiot Hillsonger praising Jesus repeatedly for having gotten through Straight Lines by Silverchair?
We doubt the Messiah had anything to do with your ability to belt out the tune, young lady, and if he – for some bizarre and unknown-to-all-but-the-Higher-Powers reason – decided to actually help someone out with their performance of the song, we’re pretty sure he would have preferred to gets his hands dirty sorting out Daniel Johns’ bong-addled voice before Mr Imbruglia’s appearance on the American talk show circuit.
IT IS EXTREMELY EGOTISTICAL TO ASSUME THAT, DURING THIS PARTICULARLY TROUBLED TIME ON PLANET EARTH, GOD AND/OR HIS OFFSPRING DEVOTE THEIR PRECIOUS RESOURCES TO ENSURING YOU BECOME A FUCKING POP STAR, YOU BLITHERING FOOL.
Bitch, please. More » Kath And Kim – Still As Noice, Different, Unusual As Ever?
10:09AM Jess McGuire | Kath and Kim had its commercial television debut last night on Channel Seven. We caught the first ten minutes of it but then decided to switch over to Australian Idol because from what we could gather, Kath and Kim was actually a repeat… of jokes!
We are, of course, being a bit cheeky. But as we watched the beginning of the program, we began to wonder if we were alone in thinking the show may have outstayed its welcome. After all, how many gags about the stupidity and ignorance of bogans can one make before the punch line becomes boring and expected?
Kath and Kim’s strength has always been its heart – the love between Kath and Kel, Brett’s unwavering devotion to Kim, the adorable loyalty to the family displayed by Sharon. It’s what stopped the show from simply being a condescending look at those from a different socio-economic background. But is the heart still there? We’re just not sure anymore.
Ricky Gervais is the man to look toward for inspiration when it comes to dealing with the unexpected success of a television comedy, we feel. Each cult hit he’s been involved in (The Office, Extras) has never stuck around long enough to jump the shark. You were always left wanting more.
Now, we understand people have a need to earn money and one can’t be expected to walk away from a perfectly good comedy series, the earnings from which are helping put your kids through school and pay off the mortgage etc, simply because you’re unwilling to take the chance that you’ll run a good thing into the ground. But would Kath and Kim have left a better comedy legacy had the program ended at the end of series two?
We have no answers, and perhaps our disappointment regarding last night’s offering from comic geniuses Gina Riley and Jane Turner can be put down to us feeling a bit tired and cranky for other reasons. So we’re throwing it out to you, the readers of Defamer Australia – did you watch the show, and if so, what did you think? Do we need to give it another chance? More » A Touching Sporting Tale
9:39AM Jess McGuire | The Daily Telegraph published an article this morning about a rugby team who simply refuses to give up. The Wollondilly White Waratahs woman’s rugby side is yet to score on the field, although we suspect this may not be the case once a few Bundy Rums have been knocked back after the game.
Sport’s most courageous team of battlers produced their best performance of the season in going down 72-0 to Wollongong at Wilton in New South Wales on Saturday.
Going down 72-0 is an impressive statistic by anyone’s standards.
No, we’re not quite sure what that means either. But we’re fairly certain one is meant to make many nudge nudge wink wink jokes when discusses lady footballers/hockey players/cricket players, and this article uses the words “going down” so IT’S NOT LIKE WE HAD ANY CHOICE, PEOPLE.
More » 