Lindsay Lohan: Unwitting Wearer Of Mystery Coke-Pants?

The truth-seekers of Entertainment Tonight, virtually alone in their principled quest to reject the anti-Lohan propaganda force-fed to the media by the Santa Monica Police Department, has started asking the uncomfortable questions about What Really Happened following the fateful high-speed chase of early Monday morning:

What precipitated that second assistant’s mysterious firing/termination? Does anyone know for sure that Lindsay Lohan was actually the one driving the pursuit vehicle? And, most crucially: Did Lindsay have any idea whose cocaine-laden pants she was wearing? In the spirit of the report, we won’t steer you towards any particular answers to these queries, but we will note that if one put on the pants of a randomly selected clubgoing female from Lohan’s Los Angeles peer group, there’s at least a 75 percent that there will be blow in the pocket. Do the maths. Open your eyes. Think for yourselves.

Also of note: Lohan was apparently barefoot during the incident. Which, as strange as it sounds, is a minor miracle, because had the police discovered “a small amount of cocaine in her shoe,” well, even the most dogged of celebrity newsmagazine investigations wouldn’t be able to save her from the unjust persecution of the ensuing jokes.

• Entertainment Tonight [ETonline.com]
• Previously: How Fucked Is Lindsay Lohan?: Acting Career Edition [Defamer]