Big Brother’s Michelle Shows An Almost Inspiring Lack Of Self-Awareness Post-Eviction

You can’t call her insecure, can you?

Dreamworld’s latest evictee, the truly unfortunate Michelle, has told interviewers that she believes she might have walked away with the cash bonanza at the end of the series – if she’d been more charming toward her fellow housemates.

Ousted Big Brother housemate Michelle insists she would have won the competition if she was nicer to people – but that’s just not her.

Which is a lot like the time we could have won the women’s 400 metre at the Sydney Olympics except Cathy Freeman sprinted off with first place BECAUSE WE ARE NOT AN ATHLETE AND THERE’S NOTHING ANYONE CAN DO TO CHANGE THAT!

Honestly, the “I could have won the show, had I been a different person” thing seems almost redundant to point out. Obviously if you weren’t a fuckwit more people would have liked you, Michelle. But the gods did not bless you in that way. Accept your fate.

Also, we wish to note (in paraphrased form) three things shared by Michelle’s poor husband on stage during his chat with the Killeenatron.

i) He used the line “You can’t back out” in reference to getting married.
ii) “My leg was broken”
iii) “Her daughter is just like her”

Read between the lines, people.

i) He is terrified for his life and fears leaving the screaming harpy!
ii) HAVE YOU SEEN ‘MISERY’?
iii) EVEN THOUGH MICHELLE HAS BEEN AWAY IN QUEENSLAND, HER EQUALLY FRIGHTENING DAUGHTER HAS HIM UNDER LOCK AND KEY.

The man needs rescuing. Someone step in, for god’s sake!