... we'd like to "celebrate" our time spent blogging about Big Brother.

Here's everything we ever wrote about Big Brother in one handy link!

Wow, what a trip down memory lane! Fantastic stuff.

Now without further adieu, let's get on with our - hang on. Big Brother's talking in our ear. Okay, alright... it seems the collecting of thoughts regarding the finale is taking a little longer than expected, we want to make sure they're worded just right, so we're going to "celebrate" our time blogging about Big Brother a little more.

Remember when Shilpa Shetty from Celebrity Big Brother UK was rumoured to be joining the housemates? Sigh. Never happened though, did it?

Hmmm. We've still got more celebrating to do, so just keep celebrating for as long as you can drag out the fucking celebrating, and before you know it - Defamer Australia's Big Brother finale report will be online!

CELEBRATION!

PS: There is no god.

It won't be a "live" live blog tonight, we've encountered technical difficulties. But we will make copious notes and publish all finale related malarkey as soon as humanly possible.

Stay tuned!

PS: ZACH TO 1992SAVE

We've no doubt our charming Defamer counterparts in the US will provide you with a more insightful "piece" quite shortly regarding the news which has men across the globe simply brimming with false hope - she's dumped long term boyfriend Cash Warren, huzzah! - but we felt we should pipe up with something.

Luckily a close contact of ours encountered Jessica Alba earlier this year during the Australian publicity tour for the Fantastic Four flick, and when pressed today via email, offered us the following Alba-related nugget.

To give you a brief back story, Alba was caught by surprise when a batch of journos - and some incredibly lucky schoolkids - interrupted what she thought would be a press-free day.

Surprisingly, she wasn't the kind of person who would turn your head in the street at all (she wasn't wearing makeup too which added to the fear on her management's side - you know, Stars Without Makeup opportunities. One of those schoolkids could have made a bundle from that).

So there you have it. Not as hot as you'd think, lads. Although in the scheme of things, she's still probably pretty fucking hot. Whatever. We're getting a coffee.

(Thanks, BD!)

That is all.

After this evening's festivities, Big Brother Haterz can rest easy for a week... and then Australian Idol starts.

The upside to this, if you dislike reality television shows, is that Australian Idol season means we are inspired to focus our mildly retarded attentions on Kyle Sandilands and his guaranteed repeated acts of idiocy throughout the series. And if there's one thing an entire country can get behind, it's loathing Kyle Sandilands and his publicly performed acts of arsehattery.

If he does for some godforsaken reason say or do anything good during the show, we will of course inform you of this. But in a begrudging, gritted teeth sort of way.

Is it possible? Could our broken heart over 2005's Big Brother result be repaired this evening with a Zach win? Oh, we do hope so.

Last night saw the eviction of Billy and Travis from the house, leaving Aleisha and Zach to duke it out for the title of Winner Of Life/A Fairly Average Season Of Big Brother.

THINGS OF NOTE ABOUT LAST NIGHT'S SHOW.

- They really hammered home the Dad love last night, didn't they? Making the housemates cry with their Diary Room confessions regarding their relationships with their fathers, etc. Makes you glad Emma didn't end up in the final four.

- Zach's parents are wonderful, and their genuine and emotional conversations with Gretel about their son's sexuality and the effect his time in the house has had not only on their own family, but the wider community? Beautiful and truly touching moments in an otherwise increasingly artificial feeling show.

- Billy's dad, this is not the Oscars, you are not Gwyneth fucking Paltrow, so PLEASE stop thanking anyone who has ever worked for Endemol Southern Star.

- Gretel sandwiching herself between Billy's father and Billy and admitting "I'll take what I can get these days" was a cheery and welcome return to form for Ms Killeen. We like it when she quips away in a self-deprecating manner!

- However, her kid glove treatment of Billy when it came to asking him exactly how his relationship with Hayley ended (ie: did you cheat, you randy goat?) made us recall her unfairly aggressive treatment of the admittedly irritating but essentially harmless Jamie. If Billy had been - IN HER EYES - not as attractive, we suspect she may have gone harder. Erm. In the interviewing sense, of course. Though we've no doubt she would "go hard" in many other senses too.

AND WHAT OF TONIGHT?

We desperately want Zach to win, and demand you spend your precious dollars texting ZACH to 1992SAVE. If he comes out the victor, we'll watch Big Brother again next year. If he doesn't...

(shakes fist at sky)

A few of our chums felt the loss of Travis from the race meant that Zach was a shoe-in. Remember 2005, people? REMEMBER 2005? The "Travis" of that year, Vesna, was booted out leaving the amiable Logan Greg (AKA ALEISHA) and Lefty Tim (AKA ZACH). No one expected Logan Greg to win - except possibly Logan David, if rumours of him spending fuckloads to vote for his brother are to be believed - and yet he did... at the expense of the wonderful, creative, intelligent, slightly bloody mad Tim Brunero.

So while we are hopeful and pleased Zach has made it to the final two - a miraculous feat in itself considering he is A Gay from the Camp wing of homosexuality rather than one of the "normal, straight acting kinda blokes" which some heterosexuals in the community idiotically view as the preferable variety of fruit to grow in one's garden (ie: society - we are enjoying our metaphors today, non?) - we are still wary of being hurt once more.

ZACH TO WIN - IF THERE'S A GOD.

Oh, and after the jump? Some charming snaps from last night's show and a couple more from the Big Brother finale rehearsal. Sweet!

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Poor Paris Hilton.

Party princess Paris Hilton is $60 million out of pocket after her billionaire grandfather - appalled by her jail term for drink-driving offences - axed her inheritance.

Family patriarch Barron Hilton was already embarrassed by his granddaughter's wild behaviour - notably when her home sex video was leaked on the internet.

But the 79-year-old considered her 23-day sentence last month the last straw.

"He was, and is, extremely embarrassed by how the Hilton name has been sullied by Paris," says Jerry Oppenheimer, who wrote a biography of the clan called House Of Hilton.

However will she afford to build Paris Hilton Playhouse For Sick Kids with CatAIDS?

We truly feel for Paris. After all, who knew Barron Hilton was like, so uptight? So a girl can't smoke a little pole in front of a camera, spliff up, break the law and generally make the name Hilton synonymous with all that is hideous and completely trashy without risking the wrath of a grandparent? What kind of world do we live in?

We are now starting to wonder whether sending the snaps from our Picture mag photoshoot to our elderly grandmother was such a good idea after all.

It's always dangerous to declare something a YouTube Clip Of The Day before 9am (well, not really - we'd just have YouTube Clip Of The Day II and so on and so forth) but frankly we can't imagine we'll stumble across anything else quite as adorable and charming and somewhat disturbing today.

Via RYWHM.

From the vault of Too Much Information comes the news that Richard Branson has been a bad bad boy.

Virgin boss Richard Branson said he had to wipe hand-prints off a toilet mirror after having sex on a plane, and admitted trying cocaine, ecstasy and Viagra.

Oh. My. God. There is a line one crosses when they reveal certain things about their private life to the public. Richard Branson's just taken a run-up and scissor-jumped over it.

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Not quite content with her career as a fashionista, Victoria Beckham is apparently going to try her hand at hosting duties on The View, with a two-week trial spot.

The 33-year-old singer, who moved to Los Angeles earlier this month, was picked by programme creator Barbara Walters to replace comedienne Rosie O'Donnell, who quit the ABC show in May.

A source tells British newspaper The Daily Star, "Victoria is hardly a bimbo and she has the added appeal of having already rubbed a lot of American women up the wrong way, so sparks are guaranteed to fly.

Bring it on, we say! Firstly, Ms Beckham's tryhard posh British accent will be like music to one's ears after listening to those women screech over the top of one another for so long. Seriously, have you ever listened to them? Really listened? It's like listening to four rabid cats fighting over fish scraps in an alley way.

Speaking of cats... we can't wait to see a full-scale cat fight between Posh Spice and that whiny ex-Survivor hack Elisabeth Hasselbeck. We're taking bets now. 5-1 on Hasselback trying to claw her eyes out before the fortnight is up.