· Before her meeting with Harvey Weinstein for the Grindhouse booth babe gig at Comic-Con, this comely go-getter had both her legs. · Suspect that you might be a drunk astronaut? Take this quiz and find out for sure. · Happy Gay Birthday, Lance Bass! · Lindsay Lohan's assistant-stalking meltdown brings fresh attention to the plight of the celebrity-serving underclass, who often are forced to serve as drug mules and whoremongers for their famous bosses. · The filthiest call letters in America. · Chicken police.

In a development that was about as hard to see coming as an SUV swerving down a Santa Monica street following an all-night, rehab-erasing bender, the trio of hostages - who will heretofore be known as the Denali Three - claiming to have been in the vehicle with Lindsay Lohan during the high-speed chase that resulted in her DUI arrest are now threatening to sue the actress over the psychologically scarring experience. At a press conference this afternoon, the lawyer who helped the victims reinterpret their trauma as actionable offences announced the grounds for a potential suit. Reports Access Hollywood:

There are three allegations: - Conversion - Taking the GMC White Yukon Denali (owned by Nigro) without the owner's permission. - False Imprisonment - Not allowing the men to get out of the car (except Blake who jumped out) - Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress - Intentionally causing the men to fear for their lives by driving erratically and while under the influence.

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A little earlier, upon hearing the news that Nicole Richie had been sentenced to four days in prison for her DUI arrest, we remarked that we felt nothing, so spent are we by our deep investment in the spectacular fuck-ups of her more glamorous peers. Upon viewing this courtroom sketch from today's sentencing, in which a vulnerable Richie is depicted receiving her punishment from the judge (is that a tear on his cheek?), we can offer an update on our emotional state: Nope, still nothing. Sometimes we think that our hearts are made of the same charcoal that was used to render this portrait. [Photo: Getty Images]

• Previously: Nicole Richie's DUI Sentence Measured In Hours [Defamer]

· Johnny Depp may get to fulfill his childhood fantasy of becoming the "vampire patriarch" of the 60s bloodsucker soap opera Dark Shadows, as he's developing a feature based on the series for Warner Bros. [Variety] · Hollywood tries to make the filthy little whores of YouTube jealous by openly flirting with DailyMotion, the French video sharing site that's now setting up shop here and starting to cut deals with content producers. [THR] · Fred Claus star Vince Vaughn continues to work the holiday-themed direction of his recent career, signing on alongside Reese Witherspoon for New Line's comedy Four Christmases, the story of a couple who tries to visit all four of their divorced parents on Christmas day. Yuletide hilarity to ensue. [Variety] · Rob Estes joins the cast of the upcoming ABC drama Women's Murder Club, giving the show the shot of Melrose Place credibility it so desperately needed. [THR] · And in this round-up's last bit of casting news, Susan Sarandon has joined Peter Jackson's The Lovely Bones adaptation, which promises to be the most visually arresting story of a raped and murdered teenager ever made. [Variety]

As Isaiah Washington continues to unleash a tsunami of silence-breakings upon a public that has long since ceased to care about the vast, gay-winged conspiracy responsible for his dismissal from Grey's Anatomy, one key player who has succeeded in not speaking about the controversy was series creator Shonda Rhimes - that is, until yesterday's press-tour panel for Grey's spinoff Private Practice, when the EP was cornered by a pack of quote-hungry reporters who wouldn't take "no comment" for an answer. According to an interview with TVGuide.com, the weary showrunner was on the same page as her ABC overlords when she made the fatal call:

How difficult was it for you to let Isaiah go, on a personal level? Shonda Rhimes: It wasn't. It was a decision that was a long time coming, and it felt like it was the right decision for all of us. [...]

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After all the heartache we've already suffered this summer from our vicarious incarceration with Paris Hilton, where our souls died a death from a thousand undignified paper cuts delivered over those draining 23 days, there's nothing left for Nicole Richie, who was just sentenced in connection with her Vicodin-fuelled, wrong-way joyride on the 134. The longtime Hilton sidekick, even in what should be her moment in the celebrity jurisprudence spotlight, continues to be overshadowed by her larger-than-life friend, earning a mere 96 hours of jail time for the DUI, six of which she's already credited for serving on the night of her arrest. Worst of all, we fear that her brief trip to prison will pass with so little fanfare that not even the most publicity-craving of luxury baked goods concerns will bother to send over a box of red velvet cupcakes, the ultimate commentary on the state of one's fading tabloid career.

• Nicole Richie sentenced to 90 hours in jail [CNN]
• Previously: An Important Update On The Contents Of Nicole Richie's Uterus [Defamer]

Early yesterday, we discussed how fearless celebrity newsmagazine Entertainment Tonight challenged us all to question the Santa Monica Police Department-sanctioned version of events we'd been spoon-fed since Tuesday morning, daring us to plumb the dark places in our souls that seduced us into assuming that Lindsay Lohan was the driver of the assistant-pursuing Denali and the owner of the cocaine-laden pants that were the actress's undoing. This morning, however, TMZ has interviewed three men who were along for the ride - both literally and figuratively - during Lohan's DUI meltdown, who share the story of their harrowing experience as hostages of the road-raging starlet. The Today Show has condensed much of the story into an easily digestible video package (see the clip above), but you'll want to read TMZ's four-part epic, dramatic scenes from which are excerpted here:

According to the group, Lindsay suddenly jumped in the driver's seat of the Denali, started the engine and began driving - chasing the assistant's car. Ronnie says he was so fearful, he jumped out of the vehicle as it accelerated. Just as he hit the ground, he says Lindsay ran over his foot and just kept going.

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Our visits to BravoTV.com are usually spent reading about the latest in over-the-counter European pharmaceutical trends from executive raconteur and confidante to the stars, Andy Cohen. Today, however, Andy redirected us to a bold new initiative undertaken by the cable network's online presence: There, nestled between a Padma Lakshmi post about what foods go best with dumping your fatwa'd spouse, and a terrifying slideshow tour of Paula Abdul's subconscious, is the Bravo Interns' Blog. Finally, the hard-working, fresh-faced kids who spend their summers thanklessly tracking down Xanadu: On Broadway house seats for a sock-eschewing overlord have a voice. Let's check in with intern Rich, who is still grappling with the sometimes awkward mechanics of workplace culture:

The other day I walked past a fellow Bravo employee early in the morning. We did the usual, "Good Morning", "How was the weekend?"...etc. I walked in the offices, and went about my business. But about 15 minutes later, I had to go to the bathroom, which is at the other end of the building near the SNL studios. As I am walking down the hallway yet again, I see the same Bravo employee. Now I feel a little nervous. As we were the only two people in the hallway, I felt obligated to say something. What am I supposed to say this time around? We've already said our "Good Morning" to each other.

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Before you make the assumption that Baldwin's Iraq solution involves driving a van through the streets of Baghdad and using a megaphone to berate any cowering insurgents for being "rude, thoughtless little pigs" who refuse to return America's calls in a timely fashion, realise that this is not just another Hollywood dilettante popping off about the war: this man has a unique perspective on bloody conflicts that drag on for years, and when he discusses how to fight back against enemies that are "bold, vicious and unflagging in numbers" and who want to put "their boot heel into our neck," he speaks from a place of weary experience.

• How the Next President Should Handle Iraq [HuffPo]

In the interest of bringing a small amount of closure to the Lohan-related events we've so exhaustively covered this week, we note the unsurprisingly low Tomatometer score for her cinematic sideshow I Know Who Killed Me, which, in fairness, reflects the opinions of only a small group of critics due to the studio's understandable decision (really, hasn't everyone suffered enough?) not to pre-screen it for the media. But to judge from this first wave of nearly unanimous negative reviews, not even the prospect of sharing an inappropriate laugh in a theater sparsely populated by fellow trainwreck fans is worth the price of a ticket.

• I Know Who Killed Me (2007) [Rotten Tomatoes]
• Previously: Inside Last Night's Lohan-Haunted 'I Know Who Killed Me' Screening [Defamer]

While it still has a way to go before it can equal the aesthetic crime against humanity represented by Los Angeles's preeminent residential eyesore, music producer/reality TV nutjob Norwood Young's House of Davids, up-and-coming architectural abomination ALEXANDER, RULER OF THE WORLD is quickly making a name for itself in the exciting world of "Did you fucking see that place?" landmarks.

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