Matt Newton's assault conviction has been overturned.

The son of Australian TV legends Bert and Patti Newton pleaded guilty to punching Satchwell and pushing her into a wall while she begged him to stop on September 13 last year.

On June 12, Mr Newton was given a 12-month good behaviour bond for the assault, but today challenged the conviction claiming it would have dire consequences for his career.

Mr Newton's lawyer Chris Murphy said his client suffered a breakdown about the same time his "love/hate" relationship with Satchwell ended.

Well, Matt wouldn't be the first person to crack it after getting dumped by a girl. But wait, there's more....

New evidence tendered today showed Mr Newton had been in the care of a psychiatrist for more than six years.

We here at Defamer would probably need to see a shrink too if we'd been living in the shadows of our famous father's overly large head for that long as well.

But the real kicker in this case, is that Newton's lawyer argued the conviction should be overturned, because it might harm Matt's career. Harm Matt's career? HARM MATT'S CAREER? Can't help but wonder why Paris Hilton's lawyer didn't try that one... or whether Nicole Richie will give it a go when she goes to court next month.

Acting Judge Joseph Moore acknowledged Mr Newton's fame before discharging him today.

"It does not in any way lead the court to give any special consideration to his case because he is a person of high profile," Mr Moore said.

"On the other side of the coin, when people reach a position of what could be described as notoriety, they have an added responsibility to behave in a certain manner.

"The way in which he has been given particular media attention has acted as a considerable measure of punishment which he has endured in a way that shows him great credit."

Mr Moore conceded that a criminal conviction could impact on Mr Newton's chances of working overseas and accepted the actor was suffering a "severe depressive disorder" at the time of the offence.

Mr Moore then upheld the appeal.

Since Judge Joseph Moore in this case basically just handed we, the media, the power to punish Matt through the "attention" we give him, we'd love to be the first to dish up some celebrity justice. But we'll hold back.

Matt, now that you're free to work without the hassle of a conviction hanging ominously over your head, please do us all a favour and piss off overseas.

Benevolent superstars must get really confused when their chosen charities have such conflicting priorities.

Sir Paul McCartney has been donating his cash to many different cancer charities since his wife Linda died from the disease in 1998.

But he's just pulled support from several cancer funds, after discovering they tested on animals.

The animal-loving star was shocked to find out organisations that had previously benefited from his generosity advocate vivisection.

McCartney, a vegan, says, "It became very difficult when Linda died because I said I would support cancer charities. Animal rights groups then wrote to me pointing out that many were heavily into vivisection - and it's true. A doctor we knew out in America just admitted it as a matter of fact, innocently, like 'Well, sure we do.'

"What he doesn't realise is that he won't get a donation out of me for that very fact. There are better alternatives but you're not allowed to challenge the status quo."

Are we to assume, then, that if doctors had been able to save Linda's life with a medication that'd been tested on lab rats, Sir Paul would've kissed his wife goodbye and sung "Oh! Darling," don't "Twist And Shout," "I'll Cry Instead," "Here Comes The Sun."

Along with items you might find in your own home such as hammers, screwdrivers, or spanners, Austereo radio host Kyle Sandilands is a common tool. Therefore, it pleased us very much to learn the following this morning via MediaWeek.

Kyle Sandilands revealed that he has lost his licence again. During a segment on the driving habits of truckies on 2Day FM this morning, Sandilands revealed he had recently received a letter indicating he had been caught speeding. He had only recently hit the road again after getting his licence back after a much-publicised run-in with a highway patrol officer. The new speeding breech means he automatically has to surrender his licence.

Never mind, Kyle. Sean John still loves you for staying loyal during those incredibly difficult and dramatic three hours in the Dreamworld compound!

Ageing rocker Shaun Ryder of the Happy Mondays had made a startling discovery.

He's a boring old fart and going to gigs sober is not a hell of a lot of fun.

Claps all around. It only took him 25 years to figure it out.

"I outgrew the whole drug culture thing. I'd been at it since I was 13 or 14, so when I got to 40 it was time. It's an age thing."

"I remember reading an interview with the Stones when I was younger and they were saying how they don't listen to music or new bands anymore, and I though, 'You boring old c**nts'. Now I'm a bit like that. I couldn't think of anything worse now than going to a f**kin' nightclub. You can't order a drink. You have to queue up."

Ahhahahahahahaha.

Poor Jason Donovan. He must still be so cut up that Little Miss Minogue is, like, way more famous than he is, even though once upon a time in Ramsay Street folklore they were both on equal footing.

Apparently he's desperate for a role on British sci-fi show Doctor Who.

The former Neighbours actor and eighties pop hunk is hoping the show's producers give him a call when the current doctor David Tennant leaves.

He says, "I would love to play the doctor. It's a great show.

"Can you imagine an Aussie doctor?"

Oh Jason, you poor pathetic soul. When Kylie does it, it's cool. When you do it, it's not. End of story. You lost the battle in 1993.

ED: He will have his time to shine (again)! We are a fickle bunch here at Defamer Australia headquarters. Eleven days ago, we worshipped the Donovan. Now we mock him. Next week we will probably touch him inappropriately and then punch him in the nose before listening to Ten Good Reasons on repeat.

Tedious British singer-songwriter (and inexplicable ladies man) James Blunt has apparently landed himself a fresh girlfriend. Writes Sunday Mirror columnist Zoe...

I have met the newest girl that James Blunt has been calling Beautiful. Mika Simmons, 30, who is a holistic therapist, told me at a party last week: "It's official, I am James's girlfriend."

Always ominous when a celebrity's new lover approaches a tabloid columnist to make the relationship official, but go on.

With his new album All The Lost Souls out this autumn, it looks like James is settling down. I saw him with a different girl every night at the Cannes film festival in May, following his split from Czech model Petra Nemcova.

WHY?

But Mika, who was once an actress with bit parts in TV dramas Casualty and Bad Girls, has moved in to the singer's Chelsea flat. She gushed to me: "How many girls wake up every day and get sung the most beautiful song in the world? Things are going really well."

We're not sure how many girls wake up every day and get sung the most beautiful song in the world, Mika, but one thing we can definitely conclude is that if you're shagging James Blunt, you're not one of them.

Paris Hilton, chillaxing a bit before she no doubt begins building the Paris Hilton Playhouse For Sick Kids with CatAIDS, has been photographed learning to surf with Russell Crowe's homeboy Koby Abberton.

Paris Hilton has a passion for surfing, thanks to Aussie big-wave rider and Bra Boys gang member Koby Abberton.

Abberton, Hilton's coach, was last year given a nine-month suspended sentence in Sydney for lying to police over the killing of a local thug by his brother, Jai.

With Abberton's girlfriend, model Tahyna Tozzi, watching, Hilton looked to master paddling at Malibu. But her devotion to the sport stopped at fashion, with Hilton electing to forgo a wetsuit for a skimpy bikini.

Thank god Koby's girlfriend was there, or else we might have begun suspecting something untoward was happening. Actually, Koby's not Greek-shipping-heir rich, so he probably wouldn't have stood a chance. Surely Rob "Millsy" Mills was the first and last Australian to receive a Paris Hilton charity fuck?

Her friendship with Abberton began in Sydney this year. They sat next to each other while judging a bikini competition at Bondi in January, and have stayed in touch since.

Don't all good friendships begin while judging a bikini competition? That's how Defamer Australia and Jon English became besties.

It may well be the most daring heist since armed robbers stole Munch's The Scream from a Norwegian museum - John Laws' beloved golden mic has been nicked!

Wearing his gold-framed glasses and gold headphones and sipping from his gold-rimmed cup yesterday, veteran broadcaster John Laws was down one vital glistening item - his golden mike.

Police are treating as suspicious the disappearance from his production office of the $10,000 nine carat gold microphone presented to Lawsie in 2003 as a gift from 2UE management for his 50th year on the airwaves.

Generally speaking, as a rule we'd assume the disappearance of an item made of gold and worth $10,000 to be suspicious and probably wouldn't need the police to inform us of this fact.

Thankfully, he has a "back up" golden microphone.

Laws has been using another golden microphone, given to him for his 40th anniversary, since the brazen bandit looted the king of his prized instrument. "I'm very upset about it. It's been part of my life," Laws said yesterday.

Lawsy just wants his microphone home safe and sound, and claims he won't press charges. Now, we're not pointing any fingers, but is Carson Kressley in the country for Melbourne Spring Fashion Week?

Former AFL star and reality television pants dropper Warwick Capper has thrown his hat gold hotpants into the ring for the upcoming Gold Coast City election, eyeing off the rather powerful position of mayor. So far, we can't envision anything getting in the way of such an intelligent, respected man waltzing straight into the top (council) job.

Former AFL star Warwick Capper has turned his focus to politics, announcing he will run for mayor of the Gold Coast.

Capper, who has recently worked as a Gold Coast "meter man" topping up parking meters on the Queensland tourist strip, says he will run as a mayoral candidate in the Gold Coast City election next March.

He joins a growing list of challengers to mayor and former Olympian Ron Clarke, which also includes Elvis impersonator Dean Vegas, who unsuccessfully contested the 2004 election.

Uh-oh. First hurdle, Warwick. You're going up against Dean Vegas? We saw Dean Vegas perform at North Sydney Leagues Club about four or five years ago, and the man is a walking charisma machine. Plus, he did this adorable thing where instead of singing "Return To Sender" he'd sing "Return My Blender" and HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHA DO YOU SEE WHAT HE DID THERE?

"I've got a huge background over the last 22 years," Capper told the Nine Network. "If Ron can do it, and an Elvis impersonator, why can't I? A lot of people like me and respect me for what I did with the Swans, and a lot of kids like me."

Newsflash, Capper - kids can't vote.

Still, we're pleased to discover Warwick Capper seems unafraid to begin grappling with the big issues.

Among the 44-year-old's election policies are the legalisation of prostitution and the introduction of a curfew on the coast's licensed venues. "I want to legalise prostitution, I think that would be a good thing," Capper said. "I also want to clean the Gold Coast up. I think the clubs should be shut after 1am, it's too late. There's too many drugs and alcohol, we've got to clean up the streets for starters."

We think he's talking to you, Nick Bracks.

"I think they should clean up Schoolies week, it's bad for the Gold Coast," Capper said. "It's good for revenue, getting kids here, but they need more things to do, like games to get off the alcohol and drugs. Get them into a bit of sport."

Oh, Warwick. The Kids (TM) do not wish to finish their final exams and cruise on up to the Gold Coast only to unexpectedly find themselves partaking in a P.E class with a washed up footy player who will then offer to shout them a visit to a legal brothel!

They head up to the Gold Coast in order to drunkenly stumble along Cavill Avenue, use fake ID to get into Melbas, and then spend hundreds of their parent's dollars buying drinks for permatanned private school girls in a doomed effort to find someone to lose their virginity to, before walking back home alone to the VB can filled apartment they're sharing with another eight members of their footy team, throwing up, and passing out on the bathroom floor with their pants down... like God intended.

Of course, Warwick's campaign is off to a shaky start.

Capper has his own domain name for his website, although his first name is spelt incorrectly. The address is warrickcapper.com.

Would you trust a man who can't spell his own name?

"YES."

Alright, would you trust a man who can't spell his own name more than Dean Vegas the Elvis impersonator?

"RETURN MY BLENDER!" - LOL!

Exactly.

We suspect generations of USC film marketing majors will be required to study The Simpsons Movie campaign, whose out-of-the-Slurpee-container approach to creating buzz for the feature film debut of the familiar yellow clan scores points for both its originality and ambition. But not even retrofitting select 7-Eleven locations across the nation into living Temples of Apu can match the sheer audacity of drawing a giant, donut wielding Homer beside a centuries-old fertility symbol carved into the landscape of Dorset, England. (We pause, of course, to acknowledge how easily the ridiculous image above could have been created with even the most primitive digital drawing programs, but take will take UK tab The Sun at their word that the sprinklicious symbol was accomplished with water-based biodegradable paint.) Local pagans, not surprisingly, feel their priapic, club-wielding totem has no place next to the crass, tighty-whitey consumerism of its new neighbour, but are told there is nothing that can be done until the first rainfall washes the giant Homer away. [Photo: The Sun]

• Pagans have a cow over Homer [thesun.co.uk via BoingBoing]

The Smoking Gun reports that authorities on the East Coast intercepted a shipment of 400,000 ecstasy pills from Europe, including the "Harry Potters," pictured above, embossed with the familiar logo of the current title holder of Biggest Movie Star in the World. Perhaps the developing wizard has outgrown Every Flavour Beans in favour Bertie Bott's Dopamine-Draining Rave-y Good Time Pills, explaining how the affable Harry of previous chapters has been replaced by the horny and depressive one currently grinding his teeth and marvelling at the fluffiness of Cho Chang's Hogwart's uniform sweater in Order of the Phoenix.

• Harry Potter Ecstasy [TSG]

Having already dispensed with two trips to rehab before her 21st birthday, it seemed like only a matter of time before precocious trainwreck Lindsay Lohan would find herself in either a sex tape or naked-photo scandal (apparently, those "chilling," vaguely bicurious knifeplay pics were just a sign of less-clothed images to come), the always-reliable, low-impact way to keep one's name in tabloid headlines for days at a time. Today's Page Six reports that Lohan may be the victim of a shakedown by a blog taunting her via IM (the preferred extortion tool of the MySpace generation) with the possibility it has nudie pics snapped by boyfriend-for-a-minute Callum Best:

Just weeks after sultry shots of Lohan and Vanessa Minnillo goofing around with kitchen knives hit the Web, underground site celebslam.com claims it has its hands on nude photos of Lindsay - and the stalker-ish site is threatening to publish them.

Read More »

· Openly gay publicist Howard Bragman "adores" star client Isaiah Washington, who might have "more gay friends than I do." · Amy Winehouse might have two functioning livers, but Lily Allen has a third nipple. · Ah, Hollywood, where even the formerly mobbed-up can make a nice living and knock up Victoria's Secret models. · Welcome back, Potter.

Prospects had looked bleak for Grey's Anatomy shitcannee Isaiah Washington, who seemed all but certainly headed for the dinner theatre circuit, where the mercurial actor would live out the remainder of his career silencing talkative audience members by climbing down from the stage to personally stuff an olive roll into their mouths. Credit the infectious positivity and counterintuitive vision of NBC co-chairman/rock-star Ben Silverman, then, for seeing in Washington a skilled and appealing actor, where lesser network heads might have merely seen a litany of choking-related lawsuits. Reports USA Today:

Washington will guest-star on the network's high-profile remake of 1970s drama Bionic Woman this fall, and has signed a development deal to star in a potential action drama he pitched to the network for the 2008-09 TV season. [...]

Read More »

The fallout continues from last week's royal debacle, in which the BBC was forced to publicly apologise to The Scariest Lady on the Planet, aka Queen Elizabeth II, for having rearranged footage to make it seem as though she had stormed out of a photo session with Annie Leibovitz. A Year with the Queen producers RDF Media e-mailed the director-general of the BBC, accepting full responsibility for what they refer to as "a serious error of judgement." Somehow, not even the divvying of blame among sub-production entities has done much to lessen the Queen's wrath, as The WOW Report's Fenton Bailey reprints an e-mail he received from a BBC contact:

Dear Fenton As a result of the BBC/RDF Queen misrepresentation, myself and a number of other Execs are having to contact all our suppliers over the past 3 years to review our output. To sum up, this is to see if they may have in any way misled the viewer with anything that has been broadcast by the BBC.

Read More »

· Harry Potter takes in a huge $US190.3 million at the international box office in its opening weekend, but the haul still leaves it behind Spider-Man 3 and Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. Still, Warner Bros. should be able to crank out a passable trade paper ad touting the result as the Best Overseas Opening Weekend of All Time* (*For Fifth Instalments Of Franchises Based On Best-Selling Children's Books About A Wizard Academy) [Variety] · Though Volkswagen executives have been underwhelmed by the results of their product placement deal with NBC Universal, they seem happy with the Touareg 2's upcoming Bourne Ultimatum cameo as The Official Getaway Vehicle of the World's Deadliest Amnesiac Spies, an identification that should help capture the attention of a market segment that has long eluded them. [THR] · Sicko performs well after expanded release, though the Weinstein Co. would like you to compare the movie to Bowling for Columbine, not his record-setting documentary Fahrenheit 9/11, because global terrorism is an inherently sexier topic than health care reform. Seems fair to us. [Variety] · THR breaks down the WGA/AMPTP negotiations into three easy-to-understand, likely phases: 1. "Paris peace talks"; 2. The acknowledgement of differences about difficult issues; 3. Fisticuffs, tears, and the total eradication of Hollywood life as we know it. [THR] · Confronted with the choice of watching a new episode of Big Brother or reruns of Law & Order and Desperate Housewives, viewers make the difficult choice to spend an hour with CBS's scheming houseguests. [Variety]

As if the announcement that NBC would be adopting exiled, mad-as-hell-and-not-going-to-be- manipulated-by-deceptively-adorable -gay-puppetmasters-anymore Grey's Anatomy doctor Isaiah Washington into the Peacock Family wasn't enough to tantalise the TV scribes huddled at today's Television Critics Association event, new network "cool dad" Ben Silverman will soon reveal that he's welcoming prodigal son Donald Trump, who's recently been busying himself with creating the world's finest, most luxurious line of buttocks- pampering office chairs, back into the clan. Reports TVWeek.com's TCA blog:

Silverman checks out the presentation ballroom, where he says he'll shortly announce a celebrity edition of "The Apprentice." The celebrities will play for charity, 13 episodes have been ordered for midseason (only 13, he explains, to keep the time-commitment demands modest for the celebrities, but surely the show's middling performance last season likely plays a factor too).

Read More »

The Defamer Special Correspondent on Tarted Up High School Theme Parties Sponsored by the Sons of Hollywood Legends just filed this report on the event thrown by Jason Reitman for his producing partner at the Highlands on Saturday night, where all known fire codes relating to the concentration of slutty schoolgirls in one venue were apparently broken:

This weekend I attended director Jason Reitman's birthday bash for fellow Thank You For Smoking and Hard C Productions partner Daniel Dubiecki. And how did they celebrate the beginning of his momentous 30th year? With lots of hot schoolgirls in short skirts and young, pawing male actors dressed up like Harry Potter/Elvis Costello.

Read More »

If you watch only one video of a vicious catfight taking place in the parking lot of a Hollywood club today, make sure it's this TMZ clip of the melee at Les Deux on Saturday night, where indiscriminately aimed bitch-slaps could have proved far more deadly than any drive-by gunfire outside of Teddy's. While the part where one of the combatants loses her top is nice, the footage's highlight is easily the moment when a lucky fight fan claims a freshly liberated hair extension as a souvenir of the ritualistic actress-scalping he's just witnessed.

• Knocker Out! Catfight at Les Deux! [TMZ]

In the latest instalment of its penetrating investigative series on the erotic landscape of premium cable's leading brand in the post-Sex-and-the-City era, "HBO: Where's All The Fucking?," a breakthrough: after previously throwing a spotlight on the distressing lack of onscreen coitus in Entourage, the Times now reveals that the network has been secretly devoting all of its ugly-bumping resources to the development of new series Tell Me You Love Me, which promises to entice viewers with levels of pay-TV screwing surpassed only by the raunchiest of expense-account-verboten hotel-room offerings:

Bosoms and things: That's not exactly a plot summary of "Tell Me," but it's not a bad place to start. Because that's where many viewers will start. Whatever else it may or may not be, "Tell Me," at least in its current form, will set a new precedent for prime-time TV when it has its premiere Sept. 9:

Read More »

On this most magical of Monday mornings, carefully remove your wizard's robe, drape it over the back of your desk chair, and begin your week of toiling for Hollywood's version of Lord Voldemort by taking a tour of the weekend's box office numbers: 1. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - $US77.410 million [Warning! The following may contain spoilers...] Despite dealing with the most mature subject matter in the blockbuster franchise's history, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix has far outpaced earlier instalments in taking in $US140 million in its first five days of release.

Read More »

The search for actor Mandy Patinkin, whose recent mysterious failure to appear at the table read of whatever second-tier CBS procedural he stars on engaged all of Hollywood in a desperate manhunt for the missing thespian late last week, is over. The good news: Patinkin seems to be OK, and both his network and studio have thus refrained from assassinating his character in the press over the no-show. The bad news: "creative differences" - the "it's not you, it's me" of insincere Hollywood excuses - have driven him off the series. Says Broadcasting & Cable:

After Patinkin's no-show at the first summer read-through, speculation swirled that it was a ploy to squeeze more money out of his contract. But CBS Paramount and ABC Studios stressed that the actor's departure "was not in any way connected to contract renegotiations or salary issues."

Read More »

There's just over a month to go until Star Jones's return to TV, a full year after an ugly power play saw her squeezed out of her co-host chair at The View and publicly shamed by daytime potentate Barbara Walters. Of course, the pudgy, pampered Star of yore is virtually unrecognisable from the Star of today - streamlined, bespectacled, and ready for the serious business of yammering on interminably with D-list celebrities on Court TV. Jones is finally opening up about her dramatic physical transformation in an essay she penned for Glamour magazine:

"I wrote an article because I really wanted to go as in-depth as possible about the way I've changed physically over the last 10 years on the air," Reynolds, 45, said recently while promoting her new Court TV (soon to be truTV) talk show. "And I thought that that would be the most effective way to answer everybody's questions." [...]

Read More »