Firstly, what a fucking waste of time Kyle Sandilands was! And not just in the normal everyday sense he's a fucking waste of time. Comes into the house, has a sook about wearing a hat, behaves like a boring dullard of a child toward Big Brother, makes Travis wear a corset, and then goes home with a sick note. NEXT!

Actually, before we howl "NEXT!" at the telly... we ask you this. Did Kyle's tantrum about having to take off his hat have anything to do with the fact he was decked out head to toe in gear from the Sean John fashion label? Was there some sort of sponsorship deal?

Secondly, ZACH TO FUCKING WIN! SERIOUSLY. Defamer Australia wholeheartedly throw our support behind him. He is sweet and adorable and funny and mischievous and we are right the fuck into the gorgeous smattering of freckles across his noble nose.

Well, don't bother looking for the signs we mentioned before. Big Brother has confiscated the posters, claiming the first four rows are a "no poster zone".

Still, Gretel is set to do a monologue in front of our charming operatives, so look out for the slightly crazed, probably drunk adults screaming like banshees and poking at Gretel as though she were a FaceBook friend.

Defamer Australia was unable to head up to a Big Brother eviction this weekend like we'd planned to due to "life" malarkey springing up last minute and keeping us stuck in our home town*.

However, our operatives hit the Gold Coast with explosive force on Friday, accosting recent evictee Michelle on the streets and taking a plethora of photos (which we've been assured will be sent straight to us as soon as humanly possible). Our agent in mischief Genny B apparently screamed at Michelle excitedly "I'M LOVING YOU SICK RIGHT NOW!" which, from what we hear, both thrilled and terrified the Bogan Queen.

Our amazing gang of misfits are, as we speak, wandering around Dreamworld and biding their time until tonight's eviction show. They will be texting Defamer Australia updates and news from the audience, so if we hear anything good, you guys will be the first to know. Swears.

Oh, and if you want to play a bastardised version of "Where's Wally" while watching tonight's eviction, our crew are holding up the following nonsensical signs in the crowd.

· Genny B = "Zach, I'm Pregaz!"
· Lee = "LOL"
· Dirty and Hotman = "Kersal" and "Massive" respectively. (see here)
· Sugar = "It's All About Me"
· Fits = "*pokes*" and "IM IN YR EVIKSHUN"

*We may be going to the final eviction though, which should be surreal, hilarious and amazing in equal parts.