Friday, July 13, 2007

Victorian Premier’s Son In Car Crash, Defamer Australia Suspect Spiked Bloody Mary At Breakfast To Blame

11:06AM Jess McGuire | Premier Steve Bracks’ beloved son Nick has been charged with drink driving after being involved in a car crash in Williamstown. Reports theage.com.au - Nick Bracks was charged after an early morning crash that put a friend in hospital, radio 3AW reports. A Victoria Police spokeswoman said a Williamstown man had been involved in a crash at 4.40am in the inner-western suburb. A Metropolitan Ambulance Service spokeswoman said a passenger was treated at the scene but refused to go to hospital. “Victoria Police can confirm a 20-year-old male driver was involved in a single vehicle collision on Melbourne Road at the intersection of Hosking Street. As a result of the collision, a male passenger suffered minor injuries…The driver accompanied police to Altona North police station, where he underwent a breath test.” The spokeswoman said the driver, a P-plater, would be charged on summons with exceeding the 0.0 alcohol limit and “related traffic offences”. Obviously the police have gotten this completely wrong, and some other shady figure is to blame for the crash. After all, Nick does have a history of having his drink spiked by mysterious figures. Remember his time at Schoolies? More »

Just When You Thought Dying In A Bath Was The Hippest, Most Morrison-esque Way To Go…

9:22AM Jess McGuire | There we were ordering a bathtub from eBay in preparation for our twenty-seventh birthday/death day (how Shakespearean!) next March, all in the vain hope that we’d go out in a suitably Jim Morrison-y style*, and now it looks as though the whole thing was a waste of time! Why, you ask? Well, it’s suddenly occurred to someone that “Oh! The fat bloated guy who died of a heroin overdose in my Parisian nightclub in 1971? Upon reflection, I think that may have been the frontman for The Doors. I knew he looked familiar!” In a new book Sam Bernett claims Morrison died in a toilet cubicle in his Paris club in 1971 after what he believed was a heroin overdose. Two drug dealers then took Morrison’s body back to his apartment and dropped it in his bath in an unsuccessful bid to revive him, according to Mr Bernett. Paris prosecutors said they were not likely to re-examine Morrison’s death. Sheer laziness, Paris prosecutors. Bennett’s story is totally plausible! He writes: “When we found him dead, he had a little foam on his nose, and some blood too, and the doctor said, ‘That must be an overdose of heroin.’” Bernett went on to become a radio personality, rock biographer and vice president of Disneyland Paris. He said he was pestered for years by reporters investigating Morrison’s death but kept his story quiet until his wife suggested writing a book last year. “Writing a book” = “Making some money and buying her something nice, fuckface” Stephen Davis, author of biography Jim Morrison: Life, Death, Legend, said he would not rewrite events because of the new book. Davis believes Morrison did overdose at Bernett’s nightclub but that he survived the experience. “It just seems likely that if he died in the toilet of a nightclub it would have come out before now,” Davis said. Hmmm. We just don’t know what to think. Perhaps the only solution is to install a bathtub at our local evening haunt next year and just chilling out there, ingesting copious amounts of drugs and pretending to be a lizard and shit until we croak, bloated and thoroughly fucking rock. *We’d considered doing a Kurt but it’s just far too messy and we’d never leave our friends with the steam cleaning bill. (Via XRRF) More »

Kylie Morphs Effortlessly From Pop Starlet To Thespian Tour De Force With Appearance On Doctor Who

7:49AM Jess McGuire | Our Kylie (TM) is looking good in the upcoming Doctor Who Christmas special, embracing what sounds like a tantalisingly dramatic role, the likes of which Ms Minogue probably hasn’t seen since her time portraying Dr. Petra von Kant in the Merchant Ivory production Bio-Dome alongside Sir Pauly Shore. Kylie Minogue has begun filming the Christmas special of Doctor Who in Wales. The show features a number of celebrity cameos and includes an appearance by Minogue. The singer has been cast as Astrid, a waitress on the Titanic who appears alongside actor David Tennant. It would be a massive understatement to say that Defamer Australia is fucking pumped about this. She will be singing on the show, won’t she? We envision Astrid encouraging fellow Titanic passengers not to rush for one of the limited places on the lifeboats through a tantalising performance of the song “Slow”. More »