This story, hidden in that dull borefest bit of the press known as Tech section (sorry, but we can't approve of anything with such limited Paris Hilton coverage, you see), has pumped us right the fuck up this afternoon.

Rumours of a cheaper, slimmer iPhone coming out later this year have been shot down by the same analyst firm that first reported them yesterday.

We can apply sort of thing this to our own particular brand of blogging journalism and plan on starting quite shortly!

DEFAMER AUSTRALIA EXCLUSIVE!

Zoo Weekly columnist, chesticle support system and future Walkley Award Winner Krystal Forscutt will be making her music debut in the not too distant future with her management exclusively revealing to Defamer Australia that the distractingly bapped ex Big Brother contestant has recorded a cover of Snow's Informer! Industry insiders have informed us that Forscutt's rendition is "daring, edgy, and may well push her into the Stephanie McIntosh stratosphere of stardom - if not the Tammin Sursok level of celebrity!"

BE SURE TO CHECK DEFAMER AUSTRALIA TOMORROW

... when we exclusively reveal that recent rumours doing the rounds of Krystal Forscutt's impending pop career were merely the daydreams of a delusional mystery figure on the internerd. Forscutt's management have confirmed - EXCLUSIVELY - to Defamer Australia that Forscutt is quite happy with her current career advising young women on cum guzzling, and has no plans to break into the music business.

Etc.

(We have never read Krystal's column but assume that's the jizz gist of it.)

Alright, we're not the types to begin propagating conspiracy theories for our own amusement (despite what we've publicly admitted in the past), but after checking news.com.au just then, we're forced to ask whether anyone has actually ever seen Salman Rushdie and punch-on enthusiast Mark Latham in the same room.

Seriously? Have you?

Nothing makes us happier than when celebrities C-grade and upwards decide to "log on" to that strange, magical place known as the internerd and bless the common people with regular offerings containing their intelligent, knowledgeable, personalised take on life, love and the pursuit of happiness.

We'd like to wholeheartedly welcome radio announcer Bianca "I Have Located My Ampersand Key And I Am Not Afraid To Use It" Dye to the blogging club. Wow, first Mia Freedman and now Bianca? Should we buy a Lotto ticket?

First topic tackled by our comrade-in-blogging? Threeways.

"WHAT A COINCIDENCE, I WAS CONSIDERING A MENAGE A TROIS BUT NEEDED A NOVA STAR'S PERSPECTIVE BEFORE I COULD COMMIT TO A STEAMY NIGHT OF MICHAEL BUBLE RECORDS AND DOUBLE PENETRATION!"

Ho ho, dear reader. Clearly it's your lucky day, as Bianca has some thoughts.

Wow. I never thought I was old fashioned. I actually take pride in the fact that I'm quite cheeky & open-minded when it comes to things in my relationships. But I'm not sure I could imagine ever being in a relationship where I would willingly share my partner.

Apparently it's the big "thing" rite now – to “share the love” so to speak—& I have to say it makes me a little uncomfortable.

It's the big thing right now? Well, this certainly explains the spit-roast we saw in the Myers window this morning on our way to breakfast.

Bianca goes on.

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smh.com.au reveals that Russell Crowe has pulled out of a movie project about New Zealand's greatest war hero, Charles Upham.

Matt Walsh, chief executive of Taranaki-based film company Fat and Thin Productions, said negotiations with Crowe had broken down. "Russell Crowe is not interested because of the publicity that came out," Walsh said. "Media coverage led him to walk away from the project,"

Or that's what the New Zealanders would like us to think.

But it's fairly clear to us that this is the final step in Rusty severing all ties with his native New Zealand in favour of a life of South Sydney league games and strolls around Woolloomooloo with wife Danielle Spencer and sons Charlie and Tennyson.

And depending on how he goes at future Academy Award ceremonies and/or his telephonic good behaviour, the nation of Australia either cries out "That's Our Russ! Go, Russ! Go!" appreciatively or howls "Puss owf, brew..." before smashing a bar stool over his head.

On a day when the Socceroos are facing a terrorist threat, NSW school kids are being forced to apologise through song, Sydney loses its title as the top tourist city, Melbournians are furious they've been labeled worse than Beirut, and K-Rudd wants to play Trolley Cop at the supermarket, it's good to know the Today Show still finds time for the really really important stuff.

What a tragedy.

An interesting story emerged yesterday about Australia's favourite loud-mouthed former Prime Minister, Lord Paul Keating of Bankstown. According to the diaries of Tony Blair's former media advisor Alastair Campbell, "back in the day" PJK very kindly offered T-Bone some advice on how to handle notoriously difficult Supreme Commander Of The Universe Rupert Murdoch.

Buried inside the 794-page tome are details about amusing conversations involving Keating, Blair and Campbell while all three were visiting Queensland's Hayman Island in July 1995 for a major meeting of Murdoch's editors and executives.

Blair, who last month stepped down as prime minister, was Labour's opposition leader at the time and the conference's star guest speaker.

Shortly before flying to Australia, Keating rang Blair inviting him to stay at his official Sydney residence, Kirribilli House, and offering advice about Murdoch.

"He said he had a few things to teach him about how to deal with Rupert," Campbell wrote in a diary entry dated July 8, 1995.

"He said Murdoch is a hard bastard and you need a strategy for dealing with him."

When Blair and Campbell met Keating eight days later, the prime minister passed on his tips. "Keating was everything I expected - charming, tough, funny, totally at ease on the surface though probably a real furnace when he got going," Campbell wrote.

"On Murdoch, he told TB: 'He's a big bad bastard, and the only way you can deal with him is to make sure he thinks you can be a big bad bastard too. You can do deals with him, without ever saying a deal is done. But the only thing he cares about is his business and the only language he respects is strength'."

Which is why every time we catch up with Uncle Rupert, the first thing we do is put the grimy little fucker in a headlock and tickle him until he screams "MERCY!". Which is easier said than done - he may be old, but he's bloody agile.

However, our favourite bit of the article surprisingly doesn't involve Keating.

As prime minister, Blair hosted an intimate dinner party for Murdoch and his sons, James and Lachlan, at his official 10 Downing Street residence in January 2002.

Campbell, who was also a guest, said while "Lachlan seemed a bit shy" James attacked his father's conservative views on the Middle East peace process and accused him of "talking f---ing nonsense".

Well, HELLO THERE JAMES MURDOCH!

Why on earth has everyone been focused on Lachlan all these years when clearly you're the thinking woman's Murdoch?

(flutters lashes)

It is the question on everybody's lips, to be sure.

Now, this'll be confusing to explain, especially when we're having to work with weird tenses and speaking in the third person and all that jazz, but basically Busty St Clair is not Defamer Australia (the individual... erm, this is already doing our head in) so people can cease emailing and questioning whether or not we've gone completely mental and adopted a persona, god bless them.

Busty St Clair has joined the Defamer Australia team and will be contributing her unique take on things on a daily basis. She's also an "industry" insider - it doesn't take a genius to work out she's using a nomme de plume - and we're happy to have her on board and plan on pumping her for all the gossip we can. In the metaphorical well sense, not in a horizontal sexy way, although if that's what it takes... Welcome, Busty!

If you're confused about who is writing what, we've added pretty by-lines.

Now let's get cracking with the day's business, shall we?

While most movie-tie in toys are conceived with no loftier goal than the draining of an indulgent parent's bank account, on last night's Late Show, David Letterman enthusiastically demonstrated Transformers' Optimus Prime-themed My First Orgasm playset, designed to help pre-adolescent males become comfortable exploring their rapidly changing bodies. Ultimately, the toy might be a little too advanced for novices, as its initial rear-entry action seems to suggest a preliminary step that, while certainly exciting, is probably not necessary for young Transformers fans to begin their healthy experimentations in self-gratification.

• Late Show [CBS.com]

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If you don't mind how the posts tend to stick together, Fleshbot is always a great place to go for the latest in XXX takes on Hollywood releases. In the grand tradition of The Da Vinci Load, then, we present for you their latest discovery - Black Snake Boned!. Amazingly enough, the filmmakers have somehow spun the quaint source material- about a white, Southern, nymphomaniac party girl chained to a radiator by a physically intimidating African American bent on "taming" her - into something more appropriate for adult fare. Something tells us this is exactly the kind of breakout role Devlin Weed needed to catapult himself to the next level, and we imagine it won't be long before the producers of Skanks on a Plane, and similar projects seeking to capitalise on his new notoriety as the Sam Jackson of the porn industry, begin to pour in.

• This Week In Media Convergence: "Black Snake Boned" [Fleshbot]

According to an item in today's Page Six, Paris Hilton is savouring the sweet freedom so cruelly denied her during the 23 days she was a helpless victim of the Los Angeles County criminal justice system; just as she was once roughly shuttled to and fro from home imprisonment to the Century Regional Detention Facility, a newly liberated Hilton now flits between safe-places Les Deux and Teddy's, where she's sharing her contagious enthusiasm for post-incarceration life with fans:

PARIS Hilton seems to be up to her old tricks again.

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Mel Gibson's ongoing love affair with the indigenous peoples of Central America - whose untold histories are ripe for adaptation into factually iffy, hyperviolent big-screen adventures - continues. Not only has the Apocalypto director extended the borders of his Malibu empire to include a home on Costa Rica's Pacific coast, but he recently sat with the country's President to pledge his financial support for their native Indians:

"He wants to help the indigenous population here and wants to know how to channel the funds," President Oscar Arias told reporters outside his home, where he met with the 51-year-old actor-director for about an hour Monday.

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Real estate developer/reality television impresario/purveyor of high-quality mail-order meats Donald Trump has added yet another line of business to his relentlessly expanding, conspicuously branded empire, today announcing a partnership with retail monolith Staples to produce Trump Officeâ„¢, the greatest line of luxury - yet tantalizingly affordable - executive seating this world has ever known.

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Mad as hell and not going to take it anymore after last night's premiere of Greek*, an ABC Family show dedicated to spreading the inaccurate notion that fraternity and sorority life consists of little more than pretty people being bitchy and boning each other while drunk on free-flowing keg beer, the Tri-Delts have released a statement decrying the hurtful stereotypes perpetuated by the series: "The behaviour depicted in Greek happens in sororities as often as doctors look like McDreamy. Greek may make for good TV, but it's a far cry from reality for the vast majority of our members."

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Andy Cohen, blogger, bon vivant, and high-ranking Bravo network pencil-pusher, is back from vacation, his batteries fully recharged after a whirlwind European adventure that saw him whisked from one glamorous society event to another, as befits a man of his stature. After yesterday's post - an Andy's-eye view of fashion designer Valentino 45th anniversary celebration in Rome - comes today's intriguingly titled meditation, "Things I Learned On My Vacation," which included this valuable life-lesson on the importance of capitalising on lax international food and drug standards:

2. THE FUTURE LIES IN NUIT BLANCHE! Anyone who reads this blog knows that I love a French Pharmacy because of their liberal over-the-counter policies of pills laced with all sorts of American naughties. My current obsession is Nuit Blanche, a hangover pill laced with codeine and caffeine and I don't even know what else. As I can attest today, two of them in the AM do me just fine. Keep checking this space to see if I become a Nuit Blanche addict - haha! They're legal in France!

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· ABC's Steve McPherson on Monday's announcement that pal Kevin Reilly is headed to Fox: "I hear when they fire me, he's going to come run this place," McPherson said. He then continued, his face rapidly draining of blood, "Haha, I'm just kidding guys, my job is completely safe. Guys? Guys? We're fixing Cavemen, I told you that yesterday!" [Variety] · Every basic cable Christmas special should find a place for former 90210 star Shannen Doherty, whose very presence announces the arrival of a magical Yuletide spirit. [THR] · Finally: Desperately Seeking Susan: The Musical! Featuring, bizarrely, music from Deborah Harry and Blondie's back catalogue. Will the story still play with "Heart of Glass" instead of "Into the Groove"? Developing... [Variety]

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Even if J.J. Abrams' "mysterious" Cloverfield project [Ed.note - Oooh, spooky!] turns out to be the greatest Top Secret Movie Featuring the Beheading of a Curiously Tiny Statue of Liberty ever made, we'll still feel justified in feeling instantaneously suffocated by hype the moment the much-buzzed-about "1-18-08" clip, premiered in front of Transformers and leaked with alacrity to the internets, faded to black.

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