Paris Hilton Update! Thirty Minutes In And She’s Doing Very Well.
Should we be expecting Paris Hilton state of mind updates constantly now that she’s finally checked into jail for her 23 days of punishment introspection and contemplation? It seems to us that she’s only just walked through the barred doors – surely we should wait at least a couple of days before checking in on her emotions? She’ll probably be out before Lindsay Lohan finishes her stint in rehab, after all.
Nonetheless, those at home going out of their mind with worry* will be relieved to read the following.
US socialite Paris Hilton has begun serving her Los Angeles jail sentence for violating probation, her lawyer said. “She’s doing very well under the circumstances,” Richard A Hutton told People today. “The staff here have reported that she has been gracious, polite, and thankful for helping her.”
And she’s going to grow from this too, we can feel it.
Hilton was quoted as saying: “Although I am scared, I am ready to begin my jail sentence.”
“I am ready to face the consequences of violating probation. During the past few weeks I have had a lot of time to think and have come to realise I made some mistakes,†Hilton said.
“This is an important point in my life and I need to take responsibility for my actions. In the future, I plan on taking more of an active role in the decisions I make. I want to thank my family, friends and fans for their continued support.”
We suspect she’s not referring to you, Candy ‘Big Fan Of The Open Letter‘ Spelling.
* These people do exist, you know. We received a text from a dear chum this morning which said “I can’t believe I’ve woken up this morning and Paris Hilton’s in jail… it just feels so surreal; like something’s off-kilter with the world. Sorry, just needed to connect. Sometimes it’s easier to get through these things together.” WE SUSPECT YOU ARE BEING SLIGHTLY TONGUE IN CHEEK, MS FITS.
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Comments
If she hasn’t been ‘taking more of an active role in the decisions I make’ who exactly is?
Oh for her to get shanked….
Paris, a look forward…
Late June-Early July: Paris Hilton emerges from jail, defiantly staring the paparazzi down thanks to the new inner fortitude she created with 23 days of solitude. She declares she’s a changed person, quotes extensively from the works of the great thinkers and moralists, whose iTune condensed books she’s listened to while in stir. She announces her party girl days are over: from here on in she’s going to work tirelessly to make the world a better place. The media coverage is 24/7 and so many Americans are glued to the coverage that Michael Bay’s Transformers stumbles at the box office.
August: Paris ventures to the West Bank and Gaza strip. Mesmerized by her doe-eyed radiance and total hotness, Jews and Palestinians agree to truce talks – and a long autograph and photo session.
September: In Darfur, Paris brings tears to the eyes of the veteran press pack as she cradles an undernourished teen. “Time was,” she says, “I would’ve thought this body image was so hot. Now: not.”
October: It’s announced that the $25m proceeds from Paris’s jail diary – This Is Not A Hilton: Paris From The Inside Out – will be donated to Concepteurs Sans Frontiers, the new fashion-for-all charity established by Project Runway winner Jeffrey Sebelia.
.
November: Paris hosts a summit meeting at the Chateau Marmont. In attendance are former enemies and rivals of all stripes. Nicole Ritchie takes a seat by Lindsay Lohan. Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston embrace for the world’s media. Mahmoud Abbas and Moshe Katsav use Fidel Castro’s Blackberry to take a photo of themselves playfully arm-wrestling. After three gruelling days of talks, the 2008 Isn’t Enough manifesto is released. It promises an end to conflict, hunger, poverty and a significant reduction in celebrity DUI incidents.
December: Due to deliver a keynote address to the UN General Assemby, Paris fails to appear. Rumours of kidnap and assassination firecrotch around the globe. But Paris is found, passed out and pantyless, on the dance floor of Dama Scene Conversion, the hot new warehouse club. Paris is rushed to hospital. Sadly, the Charity Is So 2007 backlash begins.