“Net Reveals ‘Kaera’ Living Dangerously” OMG ETC

Obviously Defamer Australia isn’t the place to turn to online if you’re looking for information regarding the fatal shooting in Melbourne’s CBD on Monday. It’s just not how we roll.

But we thought it worth pointing out, much like when the two Victorian “emo” school girls Jodie Gater and Stephanie Gestier committed suicide, just how much the MySpace pages of the women involved in the drama have been mentioned in the press.

“Net Reveals ‘Kaera’ Living Dangerously” screamed Fairfax excitedly. Oh, really?

Vivacious and naughty, an online snapshot of the life of shooting victim Kara Douglas shows a woman who enjoys living dangerously and “anything fast”.

You can tell she’s into living dangerously and “anything fast” because she’s, erm, listed “anything fast” in her General Interests*. She also includes “eating out” in that very same section so if we’re going to make a story out of nothing, let’s turn her into a speed-freak lesbian!

But the barely-clad photos of her online friends show a different side of the model and travel consultant, who says she earns $250,000 a year.

Do the barely-clad photos of her friends really show her dark and dangerous side? Okay, sure – a lot of ‘em are decked out in their best underwear and not much else, but all we can really conclude from this is that her pals are a bit trampy. Whatevs. So are our friends.

Mark “Chopper” Read is in Kara’s online network of contacts, although this doesn’t imply she is close. The site allows people to link themselves to celebrities, with former Motley Crue drummer Tommy Lee, singer Jewel and porn star Jenna Jameson all listed as “friends”.

Well, we’re MySpace friends with Chopper Read too. As are about fifteen million other people. Personally, our money is on Jewel having introduced Kara Douglas to Melbourne’s seedy underbelly. Your hands may be small (we know), you Alaskan gangster moll, but they’re quite capable of mischief nonetheless.

Still, good Googling all round. 10/10 to Fairfax!

Autumn Daly-Holt, currently in hospital after being bashed outside a Melbourne nightclub just before the shootings, also has a MySpazz page the papers have tracked down.

It’s here, and it’s a private profile. The Age lists a few of the highlights from her profile.

Ms Daly-Holt also provides an intimate insight into herself on her MySpace site, only her site is set to private. On her site, Ms Daly-Holt reveals that she is “bi”, and a complex person with a lot of contradicting traits.

“Some people could say that I’m conceited, simply because I may walk around with an air of confidence about me, but I say don’t buy before you try!

“I can’t stand people who are so quick to judge … yes, you know who you are!”

She describes her main interests as fashion, and dancing to keep fit.

“Love dancing … on the dance floor, in my boudoir, on a stage, on a pole, on a podium, in my dreams, with my girls, with my man, on my own or with a stranger!”

She says she loves any music and lists her favourite movies as The Sound of Music, Drop Dead Fred and Wayne’s World and expresses an interest in porn.

“Had to curb my addiction to that! You don’t meet many chicks with a porn addiction, do you?

“Really, I’m just a friendly, fun-loving chickadee with a big heart who loves people, loves fashion and loves to love life!”

And what does all of this tell us? Does it explain the reasons behind the tragic events that unfolded on Monday? No. But it does tell us that if the Australian media ever need to turn their attentions on you, for whatever newsworthy reason, your MySpazz account will more than likely be the sole resource they use to define you.

Which means we’d totally screwed, what with the strange and completely wrongtown in-jokes on our profile, the hilarious pictures of cats with stupid captions, and totally sleazy messages of affection exchanged between friends.

IN THE SPIRIT OF GOOGOURNALISM – SOME COMMENTS LEFT BY AUTUMN DALY-HOLT ON VARIOUS FRIENDS’ MYSPAZZ PAGES, OUT OF CONTEXT AND RELEVANT TO NOTHING IN PARTICULAR, AFTER THE JUMP!

*We do hope that if anything dicey ever happens to us and the public want to know about it, five page long articles are written which focus entirely on our MySpace interest “telling people they have nice tits in flawless Norwegian”.

May 20 2007 5:39A

Goin to the UK to live and work in London towards the end of July. Dunno how long for… gonna see where the world takes me. Going with a good friend of mine… we will prob take off to the Greek Islands for a couple of weeks mid August, then work our butts off after that and travel around a bit. YAY!! So excited! X

Mar 15 2007 9:41P

And to think I could’ve been stuck with the title ‘A. Dyke’ for the rest of my life! Oh jeez Louise… help me! LOL

Mar 15 2007 9:43P

Oh! Do you like my new profile shot? Just thought I’d show you my pink bits! HA. HA. HA. HA!

Feb 27 2007 8:06P

Hola my fave lezzo buddy! How are you? Breaking hearts over town or what? x x Naughty Autie

Aug 21 2006 8:31P

I know! Finally i have no excuse to hide in my lil bubble…. was soo stoked to find you on here. Love the graduation pics, you cute lil munchie. Dunno bout the profile photo tho, its a bit morbid…. tho you always were a bit morbid weren’t you (but so were we all i guess, remember ‘the into the ground’ incident? were you there?)! Funny memories of those days, you gotta laugh….. hehehehehehehe

Well things are cruisin along slowly with a few bumps along the road, but its all good! Where you been hiding?

Would love to catch up with you one of these days… should be much easier to stay in touch now, considering how much of a computer geek i can be!

Lotsa love xxx