As upstanding young Christian lads (and there's nothing wrong with that), you two would undoubtedly occasionally find yourself in hard situations. And we mean that in the most literal sense. Because you have chosen to save your sexual goods until you are married, your current unbetrothed status is at times probably quite difficult and frustrating.

Never fear!

We stumbled across the website Sex In Christ recently, and the good news is... you can have anal! It's okay! It's in the Bible!

Are you saving yourself for your wedding night? The Devil wants you to fail, that's why he puts stumbling blocks in your way. But God wants you to succeed, and that's why he has given us an alternative to intercourse before marriage: anal sex. Through anal sex, you can satisfy your body's needs, while you avoid the risk of unwanted pregnancy and still keep yourself pure for marriage.

You may be shocked at first by this idea. Isn't anal sex (sodomy) forbidden by the Bible? Isn't anal sex dirty? What's the difference between having anal sex before marriage and having regular intercourse? Let's address these issues by debunking some myths about anal sex and God's will.

 

"I thought the Bible said anal sex was a sin."

This is a common misconception. Anal sex is confusing to many Christians because of the attention paid to the Bible's condemnation of homosexual acts. However, it's important to realize that these often quoted scriptures refer only to sexual acts between two men. Nowhere does the Bible forbid anal sex between a male and female.

In fact, many Biblical passages allude to the act of anal sex between men and women. Lamentations 2:10 describes how “The virgins of Jerusalem have bowed their heads to the ground,” indicating how a virginal maidens should position themselves to receive anal sex. Another suggestive scripture tells of a woman's pride in her “valley” (referring to her buttocks and the cleft between them) and entices her lover to ejaculate against her backside: "How boastful you are about the valleys! O backsliding daughter who trusts in her treasures, {saying,} ' Who will come against me?' (Jeremiah 49:4) And in the Song of Songs, the lover urges his mate to allow him to enter her from behind: “Draw me after you, let us make haste.” (Song of Solomon, 1:4)

It goes on. And on.

The site is not only incredibly informative when it comes to providing a tempting list of the benefits of anal sex, but there are also answers to many, many other questions that followers of Jesus Christ may want answered when it comes to making the beast with two backs. Have a good long read of the Sex In Christ folks' words of wisdom when you get a moment, but for those wanting a Cliff Notes version...

- FISTING IS GREAT! IF YOU ARE MARRIED!
- ANAL IS GREAT! ANYTIME! (we may get this put on a t-shirt)
- MASTURBATION IS GOD'S GREAT GIFT TO US!
- VIAGRA IS FINE, AS LONG AS YOU GAVE PRAYING A BASH FIRST!
- FURTHER TO ABOVE, 'A STRONG ERECTION IS A GIFT FROM GOD'

Don't say we never try to educate you.

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