Friday, June 29, 2007
YouTube Clip Of The Day
3:47PM Jess McGuire | Not that we’re sadists or anything, but this has to be the most amazing and hilarious capturing of the sounds of pain we’ve ever heard.
That’ll learn her for cheekily cheating.
And how sincere are the morning hosts back in the studio? More » 
When Headlines Disappoint (Part Of An Ongoing Series)
3:19PM Jess McGuire | You can just guess how giddy with excitement we were when we spied a headline like Sting entraps more Skype sex predators, can’t you?
Immediately we were swept away by the image of Tantric yoga’s elder statesman settling down at a computer, ear piece and microphone at the ready, wiling away the evenings chatting to dirty kiddy fiddlers in a high-pitched voice. Finally, after winning their trust and completely fooling them with his Oscar worthy performance, he gets them to agree to a meeting at an abandoned warehouse.
Hours later, the nasty rock spider with an evil glint in his eye arrives at the meeting place… only to be accosted by Sunhill’s finest! Sterling work, Sting! Yet another pedophile off the streets! Next up, New York City! And perhaps an album with a dedication in the liner saying “In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. When it comes to Skype, the dedicated detective who investigates these vicious felonies is a member of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit feat. Celebrities Crimefighters. This is his story put to adult orientated pop music…”
DUNK DUNK!
But it’s a proper un-celebrity related news story about slimy Australian arsewipes getting their evil arses caught by the coppers. Which is good stuff, but sadly lacks any Gordon Sumner angle at all. More » Just In Case You Missed It…
3:19PM Jess McGuire | … here’s some lovely YouTube footage of American newsreader Mika Brzezinski hitting the fucking roof over being told she has to lead with yet another story about Paris Hilton.
Personally, we applaud her for being savvy enough to carry a lighter with her at all times, on the off chance that unpleasing documents will perhaps cross her path during her working week and require immediate igniting. More » “Indepth: Princess Diana – 10 years on”
3:11PM Jess McGuire | If you’re really keen on looking into the tantalising news.com.au headline Indepth: Princess Diana – 10 years on, then we suggest you click here and research the afternoon away.
But for those of you with time constraints, we can summarise it by saying – 10 years on, she’s still not alive. Will update you if anything changes, though. More » Death Of The LOLcat
3:00PM Jess McGuire | There’s nothing we internerds hate more than when a nonsensical web joke slowly crawls its way to the mainstream media, who then analyse it within an inch of its life and completely kill any of its charm. The latest victim?
LOLcats. We were right the hell into ‘em “back in the day” but reading this description of why they’re funny just threw a damp old blanket on the phenomenon.
“It’s important to remember that some of these pictures would be hilarious without any caption at all, just due to the ‘cute and fuzzy’ factor of the cats themselves,” he says.
“However, I think the real beauty comes with the captions. The child-like grammar tends to evoke the sort of sympathy one has for any child or foreigner struggling with the language one speaks.
“In the same way that a child saying ‘Miss teacher, I has a stomach ache’ is cute, these image captions are cute. When cats are making grammatical errors, it’s just a whole new layer of cute.”
Urge to laugh… fading… fading…
Here’s a detailed guide as to the different types of LOLcats, courtesy of News Ltd.
LOLcat lingo
There are a few regular types of LOLcat jokes, all of which are written in internet slang or “kitty pidgin”.
The most popular type is in the form “I’m in your X, Ying your Z”, such as “Im in ur fridge, eatin ur foodz†over a picture of a cat in a refrigerator.
Another is the “invisible X”, such as “invisible swimming pool” with a picture of a cat caught in mid-air and looking as if it was practising freestyle stroke.
Another involves the phrase “let me show you them”, where “them” refers to an object the cat is obsessive about.
Just wait til they do a retrospective on the amazing I Has A Bucket trend of yesteryear!
What’s the new LOLcat, by the way? We understand that Dramatic Chipmunk has also jumped the shark, you see, and we’re craving some new idiocy. More » Paris Hilton Barely Survives Brutal Larry King Interrogation
2:21PM Defamer Hollywood | In the end, CNN Grand Inquisitor Larry King did not, as we’d briefly dared to dream, douse himself in lantern oil and set his body aflame during his much-anticipated post-incarceration exclusive with Paris Hilton, as tantalising as the prospect must have seemed after about thirty seconds of lobbing his softballs in the heiress’s direction and watching them disappear into a dead-eyed abyss. More »
Report: Tests Could Soon Reveal All The Fun Things In Lindsay Lohan’s Bloodstream On Night Of Recent Accident
1:21PM Defamer Hollywood | Just moments ago, internet-based celebrity toxicology-analysis firm TMZ.com exclusively revealed that Lindsay Lohan, whose extended imprisonment at a minimum security Malibu facility has been unfairly overshadowed by an attention-whoring rival’s brief, court-ordered vacation in an unfashionable part of town, may have been under the influence of alcohol and drugs during her Memorial Day Weekend joy ride: According to multiple law enforcement sources, toxicology reports conclude that Lohan, 20, had “nearly twice the legal limit” of alcohol and traces of blow in her bloodstream when she crashed her 2005 Mercedes SL-65 convertible into a curb on Sunset Blvd. around 5:30 AM on May 26. More »
Brittany Murphy’s ‘High-Powered Hollywood Player’ Stalker
1:13PM Defamer Hollywood | While acquiring a stalker is generally a luxury afforded to Hollywood’s A-list, occasionally a celebrity whose once-hot career has cooled manages to collect an unwanted admirer. Rarer still is when the overzealous fan comes from within the entertainment industry itself, where people are often too jaded by constant exposure to talent and too busy with their jobs to be bothered with the time-consuming task of collecting the personal relics (locks of hair, used cotton balls, third-grade report cards and what-have-you) necessary to build an acceptable shrine to the object of their obsession. However, today’s NY Daily News Gatecrasher column claims that Little Black Book star Brittany Murphy has not only garnered a stalker of her own, but that he’s the Hollywood insider kind: A source who used to work for the perky star says she talks darkly of “a high-powered Hollywood player” who is allegedly stalking her. And when her then-boyfriend, Simon Monjack, disappeared for 10 days in April, Murphy claimed he had been kidnapped by agents of this mysterious figure, says the source. More »
When Michael Met Sacha
12:17PM Defamer Hollywood | What, you may or may not find yourselves wondering, could agitprop documentary director Michael Moore possibly have in common with guerrilla-comedy king Sacha Baron Cohen? Quite a bit, it just so happens, as a chance encounter at last year’s Toronto International Film Festival led to a mutual gush-a-thon between the two mischief-making filmmakers: Cohen told Moore he had drawn inspiration from the filmmaker’s documentaries, in which Moore doggedly pursues corporate and political bosses and puts himself into uncomfortable situations. More »
