If you were hoping to rock out with your cock out when Pope Benedict XVI tours Australia next year*, you're in luck.

Guy Sebastian has finally given voice to a gospel song, recording the theme anthem for World Youth Day 2008.

Sebastian wrote the song, which he sings with Paulini Curuenavuli, and it will be released over the internet next Sunday in the lead-up to the Catholic Church's event in Sydney next year.

No word yet if Jennifer Hawkins will appear in the video clip.

*We are going to hell, we know. Sorry.

Firstly, the good news.

Wheels are in motion as we speak over at Channel Seven for Daryl to get his face back on Australian television screens every Saturday night, old school style!

Following talks with Seven boss David Leckie, Somers has received funding to make a pilot of a new Saturday night format, which would see him return to the primetime slot he ruled for 15 years.

Hey Hey It's Saturday began on Channel 9 in 1971 as a Saturday morning children's cartoon show.

In 1984 it graduated to an evening slot and became a powerhouse for Nine.

The show won 28 Logies and was holding its own in the ratings when Nine decided to axe it as a result of high production costs. The final episode screened on November 20, 1999.

Seven had no comment to make regarding Somers' return.

It is no secret, however, that since his reincarnation as host of the hugely successful Dancing with the Stars, Somers has believed there is a public appetite for a Saturday night variety show.

The bad news is, of course, that you're a fucking idiot.

AS ARE YOU, DEFAMER AUSTRALIA!

Touche.

There's really only one way to get through the grieving process, we hear, and that's to turn to the caring counselling folk at Zoo Weekly.

There, through the magazine's special and very public technique of asking probing analytical questions and taking tasteful photographs of norgs, someone like Big Brother's Emma Cornell can truly process the veritable avalanche of emotions one would expect her to be experiencing now that she's not only been evicted from the Dreamworld compound but discovered her estranged father's passing.

Australia shared the painful story of her father's death, now we're about to be exposed to more of Big Brother evictee Emma Cornell.

Cornell has signed a modelling contract to pose for racy lads' mag Zoo.

She and BB housemate Susannah Murray are set to follow in the high heels of Krystal Forscutt, who is a "columnist" for the boobs-and-all magazine.

A sad tale in the Herald Sun over the weekend about a couple prevented from adopting a child together due to the wannabe mother being considered "too fat" to receive a child.

From the article -

Mrs Lannigan, 29, and husband, Dave, 37, are devastated after complying with three years of bureaucracy to become eligible. Mrs Lannigan, who is 170cm tall and weighs 126kg, lost 12kg in recent weeks. She was told to lose another 40kg.

"They (two Department of Human Services adoption counsellors) came to see us for a second visit," Mrs Lannigan said. "And one of the women said everything was looking good and we would be wonderful parents, but that my weight was holding me back from adopting.

"They gave me a BMI (body mass index) chart. They said, 'You are here' and drew a dot on the chart and then said, 'When you get to here (85kg) give us a ring' and they would come and start the assessment again.

"By the time I get down to that weight I will be too old - they're asking me to lose more than 50kg."

We are thoroughly supportive of the couple but feel the need to point out that her argument - she will be "too old" by the time she loses forty kilograms - is patently untrue. If we have learned anything from quality programming like The Biggest Loser, it is that one can lose more than half their bodyweight in a matter of weeks, as long as they have a feisty American personal trainer like Jillian barking things like "Why do you hate yourself so much?" and "Don't you dare cry, don't you DARE cry - unless you're crying tears of JOY because you're gonna lose SO MUCH WEIGHT!" at them on a daily basis as they wile away their days in a McMansion whilst fighting with other obese Australians.

If a network television executive read this story and didn't think "Another opportunity to film a Biggest Loser special!" then they are idiots, and Defamer Australia should be running the country their station.

Actually, love is a strong word, but Andrew's "I haven't seen Hayley in WEEKS, I LOVES HER GRETEL, I LOVEEEEEES HER!!!!!!!!!!" sobfest last night after he was evicted was strangely moving/amusing.

Also winding up his time in the house on Sunday night after the shows producers decided to go for an all male double eviction - does that not sound somewhat porn to anyone else? - was mega-buffed flirt Thomas.

So who are we left with?

Let's turn to brilliant blogger Scott To Be Certain for an assessment of the remaining housemates.

1. Billy. A nice enough bloke with nostrils soon to be annexed by the WA mining boom, but otherwise completely vanilla. Adds nothing whatsoever to the house dynamic.

2. Aleisha. The poor man's Christie (BB05), she has cleverly leveraged off Billy for longevity, realising it worked last year for Jamie. By creating a romantic alliance she ensures plenty of fodder for the BB clip editors should she make the final 2, which is looking possible given she is the only viable remaining female. Acknowledging this fact is gradually causing me to lose the will to live.

3. Daniela. The 2nd Brazilian on the show after the completely mesmerising Andy from BB01, who left the show far too early (cue "Gone Too Soon" funeral violin solo), she sadly doesn't share her countrywoman's penchant for leather (that we know of). She did wolf down a fish eye though, but this is hardly akin to Charla downing her body weight in Austrian sausage (and then wilfully regurgitating it with the aid of a butter knife) on The Amazing Race.

4. Zoran. Exceptionally good looking, until he opens his mouth. Amuse yourselves by counting how many times he says "Know what I mean?" in any given 30 second period. Zzzz.

5. Travis. The most calculated strategist in the history of the game. A combination of Ben, Reggie and Jamie, 3 former winners, and deliberately so. Yawn.

6. Joel. Mini-Aqmal is probably a lovely person, but what the hell is that Cosima impersonation when he speaks? Allegedly he has a clashic sensh of humour, which like that other allegedly hilarious contestant Trevor (BB04), is likely to lead him to victory this year. Kill me now.

Check out S2BC for the rest of his housemate wrap up, which does a fairly wonderful job of summing up how Defamer Australia feels.

Before we get to the incredibly important business end of this chilly Monday (Lawsy! Big Brother! Eleven year old Hollywood actresses in not-slutty-shock!), we'd like you to watch this.

It has PUMPED US UP MORE THAN YOU COULD POSSIBLY KNOW. We feel like kicking goals, writing novels, jogging around ovals, and grabbing young girls whilst their parents are distracted by domestic issues.

Note: Derryn Hinch and Jackie Weaver!