Thursday, June 21, 2007
This Kind Of Insane Dedication To The Art Of Masturbation Deserves Some Sort Of Medal And/Or Stabbing
11:57PM Jess McGuire | This is certainly the strangest news story of the day, don’t you think?
A Brisbane woman stabbed a male friend twice in the shower after he refused to stop masturbating in front of her children.
Defence lawyers for Kylie Louise Wilson, 28, said the mother of two “lost it” when her friend of six years, Daniel Peter Blair, went on a masturbation marathon on April 6 last year.
When good friends go bad. Obviously when a chum of many years suddenly goes wank-crazy, one would be right to suspect drugs are somehow involved.
Brisbane’s District Court this morning heard Mr Blair had showed up at Wilson’s unit at Birkdale unit, in Redland Shire, where he took amphetamines before having a shower.
Whilst in the bathroom, Mr Blair, 32, began pleasuring himself, before moving to Wilson’s bedroom, where he rolled around naked on her bed and continued his lewd conduct.
Alright, he’s high, he’s wet… he’s rolling around in your bed. Off-putting at the best of times.
He returned to the bathroom for more and was busted by Wilson, who was attempting to bath her three-and-a-half year-old daughter.
He returned to the bathroom for one more what? In any case, Kylie Wilson is quite right to feel surly towards the drug-addled freak wildly masturbating in front of her toddler.
The court heard Mr Blair refused her repeated requests to stop, prompting her to fetch a knife from the kitchen which she used to stab him twice in the left shoulder.
So she stabs him. Fair enough, all’s fair in love and tossing etc.
But the truly incredible part of the tale?
Crown prosecutors said Mr Blair paused only to put on his shorts and flee outside to wait for police to arrive, but was again overcome by the urge.
“Despite his injury, it seems (Mr Blair) continued to masturbate while in the garage,” the prosecutor said.
We suppose if you’ve been stabbed twice during a self-pleasuring session, the least you can do is orgasm before you bleed to death. More » 
When Drugged Up Stars Talk To Inanimate Objects (Part Whatever In An Ongoing Series)
11:42PM Jess McGuire | Hot on the heels of the weekend’s revelation that the fat one from Westlife’s ex-missus spent one particularly high night attempting to converse with a wooden horse comes news that Black Eyed Peas singer Fergie also has a history of nattering away at targets who are unable to run away. No, we don’t mean Josh Duhamel.
Black Eyed Peas singer Fergie has admitted she was once so strung out on drugs she spent eight hours talking to a clothes hamper.
Paranoid, hallucinating and hooked on crystal methamphetamine she thought someone was hiding in her dirty-clothes bin.
She says: “I remember thinking somebody was inside of it, going to come and get me, so I was talking to the person who was crawling in the hamper.
“I was actually telling them that they were very rude, if you can believe that one!”
Last time we were hopped up on crystal meth, we spent three frustrating days debating Australian politics with a beanbag (who, to this day, we still suspect secretly voted Liberal during the 2001 election) so we can absolutely believe it, Fergie. More » YouTube Clip Of The Day
11:19PM Jess McGuire | He must have been so chuffed with his lesson plan beforehand.
A-buzz buzz, a-buzz buzz!
Thanks for the tip, fourbaboons! More » Sharon And Ozzy Tell British Tabloid “Paris Hilton Had Sex With Jack!”
10:52PM Jess McGuire | Not in so many words, mind you. But it does seem the list of Paris Hilton’s spadger-friends has just grown a little longer if The Sun is to be believed.
OZZY and SHARON OSBOURNE have revealed that son JACK once bedded jailbird PARIS HILTON.
The pair outed Jack’s secret when I caught up with them in Ozzy’s dressing room before last night’s triumphant Wembley Arena gig.BR>And I’d imagine the air (or should that be heir) will be bluer than normal when Jack hears his parents have blabbed about the time he, er, checked into the Hilton.
Ozzy said: “Paris was always hanging around our house. I’m not sure if she was a friend of KELLY or AMY — which one was it, Sharon?â€
Sharon looked a bit sheepish and stumbled over her words as she replied: “She was Jack’s, erm, friend.†Ozzy’s jaw dropped and he exclaimed: “He didn’t shag her, did he? Well done, my son!â€
Jack’s special friend, eh?
There’s a horizontal pairing which should haunt our dreams for the next week or so. More » 
Breaking! Britney Spears Drinks In Moderation
12:18PM Defamer Hollywood | With the ongoing incarceration and/or rehabilitation of other wildly popular, troubled starlets hampering the dissemination of breaking news about their fluid intake, we turn to Us Weekly for up-to-the-minute information on what the last free member of the Lindsay/Paris/Britney troika has been drinking, courtesy of a club manager who doesn’t believe in treating the consumption of a couple of cocktails by a famous person as a shameful secret: “She had two Jack [Daniels] and Cokes and an orange-flavored martini,” Lola’s manager, Sylvie Haines, tells Us Weekly, adding that “her whole visit was pretty low-key and she didn’t seem drunk”. More »
Checking In With The Birkheads
11:53AM Defamer Hollywood | It’s time for one of those sporadic check-ins to see how Larry Birkhead and court-certified genetic property Dannielynn are faring. The two have been in L.A. for a little while now, where Birkhead has had the opportunity to introduce his baby daughter to some of Anna Nicole’s favorite local haunts (”And that’s the hamburger joint where your mum got tanked and sexed up a waitress!“). Amazingly, Birkhead already sees a lot of Anna Nicole in Dannielynn, beyond superficial similarities like the constant gurgling and need for an occasional bottle feeding: “She has long legs and chubby little toes exactly like Anna’s; it’s like a mirror image,” Birkhead tells OK! magazine in its latest issue. “It’s really incredible. And I think her lips are her mum’s lips; especially when she pouts. … She also gets what she wants exactly like her mom always did as soon as she’d pout.” More »
John Travolta Insisted Edna Turnblad Meet His Stringent Body-Type Specifications
11:49AM Defamer Hollywood | W magazine profiles John Travolta in their current issue, naively noting how “at 53 [he] still has a good head of hair and wields his famous blue eyes to powerful effect”. When the topic shifts to his upcoming turn as Hairspray’s zaftig hausfrau Edna Turnblad, Travolta explains how he firmly told producers that he would only take on the gender-bending role if they promised to build him the kind of plus-size, womanly curves recently dubbed by the LAT as the “new look” of Hollywood: He tested prospective personae of his feminine self on the set of his recent buddy comedy Wild Hogs because, he says, he wanted to hear “from straight men how they would like to see a man be a woman”. The Edna that eventually took shape might be described as a dancing elephant with a wasp waist. “I said, ‘If you give me a big waist, then I become Grandma,’” recalls Travolta. “‘You can make her ass as big as you want, her tits as big as you want, but if you don’t bring her in’” – here he mashes in his own solid middle with the heels of his hands – “‘I can’t play what I want to play.’” [...] More »The Secret World Of Pixar
11:07AM Defamer Hollywood | The Hurty Elbow blog bravely risks an immediate shutdown by Disney’s lawyers (or worse) by exposing their Pixar division’s incredibly valuable trade secrets on the internets; enjoy the next 35 seconds knowing that by the time you reach the end of their exposé, its creators may already be dead at the hands of a hitman who will go to the grave disavowing any connection to John Lasseter or Bob Iger. Also, be warned: The clip contains a spoiler that may ruin your upcoming viewing of Ratatouille. Pixar Plagiarism: Same Movie, Different Clothes [Hurty Elbow] More »
Universal Ready To Knock Over Christians And Steal Their Collection Basket Money
8:31AM Defamer Hollywood | Demonstrating once again that invoking the sacred phrase “Passion of the Christ money” will help even the most committed of Hollywood heathens find God faster than a persecuted heiress marching towards her maximum-security Calvary Hill, Universal is contracting some Real Live Christians to help them sell Even Almighty, The Most Expensive Comedy Story Ever Told, to the “religious” audience. The LAT reports on how the studio plans to get arm-deep into America’s church collection boxes: To build interest in “Evan Almighty” among religious audiences, the studio partnered with Grace Hill Media, a local publicity and marketing firm formed to assist Hollywood studios bridge the religious divide with the country’s estimated 200,000 churches and millions of worshipers. Grace Hill’s Jonathan Bock came up with the idea of Ark Almighty.com, a website that houses craigslist-like message boards for 8,000 churches. It matches local needs with church resources, such as house painting and assisting the homeless. Grace Hill also set up screenings for religious organizations and distributed marketing and educational materials, including videos and movie-themed curriculum. More »
