This is rather brilliant and hypnotic.

Thanks for the tip, Nads!

Baz Luhrmann muse and all round Top Aussie Sheila Nicole Kidman has hit the big 4-0, and we'd like to wish her a very happy birthday.

... by posting this amazing pic from yesteryear.

Our dear pal Taw once summed up the above image by saying "thats fuckin gross... only made sadder by the complete lack of boozies" but he is a bad man and un-Australian.

While Fairfax were absolutely on the money with their identification of Earth's Supreme Emperor - and even managed to spell his incredibly difficult name correctly - it seems the man's own company News Ltd can't quite recall how to spell his son's name.

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As Hinch might say - shame, shame, shame.

... Fairfax have thoughtfully pointed him out for you in their photo coverage of James Packer's nuptials.

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Of course, they're not afraid or ashamed to publicly say they're not one hundred per cent sure on how his name his spelt, but happily their concerns were unfounded.

A well-deserved A+, Fairfax! You win today's spelling bee!

Obviously Defamer Australia isn't the place to turn to online if you're looking for information regarding the fatal shooting in Melbourne's CBD on Monday. It's just not how we roll.

But we thought it worth pointing out, much like when the two Victorian "emo" school girls Jodie Gater and Stephanie Gestier committed suicide, just how much the MySpace pages of the women involved in the drama have been mentioned in the press.

"Net Reveals 'Kaera' Living Dangerously" screamed Fairfax excitedly. Oh, really?

Vivacious and naughty, an online snapshot of the life of shooting victim Kara Douglas shows a woman who enjoys living dangerously and "anything fast".

You can tell she's into living dangerously and "anything fast" because she's, erm, listed "anything fast" in her General Interests*. She also includes "eating out" in that very same section so if we're going to make a story out of nothing, let's turn her into a speed-freak lesbian!

But the barely-clad photos of her online friends show a different side of the model and travel consultant, who says she earns $250,000 a year.

Do the barely-clad photos of her friends really show her dark and dangerous side? Okay, sure - a lot of 'em are decked out in their best underwear and not much else, but all we can really conclude from this is that her pals are a bit trampy. Whatevs. So are our friends.

Mark "Chopper" Read is in Kara's online network of contacts, although this doesn't imply she is close. The site allows people to link themselves to celebrities, with former Motley Crue drummer Tommy Lee, singer Jewel and porn star Jenna Jameson all listed as "friends".

Well, we're MySpace friends with Chopper Read too. As are about fifteen million other people. Personally, our money is on Jewel having introduced Kara Douglas to Melbourne's seedy underbelly. Your hands may be small (we know), you Alaskan gangster moll, but they're quite capable of mischief nonetheless.

Still, good Googling all round. 10/10 to Fairfax!

Autumn Daly-Holt, currently in hospital after being bashed outside a Melbourne nightclub just before the shootings, also has a MySpazz page the papers have tracked down.

It's here, and it's a private profile. The Age lists a few of the highlights from her profile.

Ms Daly-Holt also provides an intimate insight into herself on her MySpace site, only her site is set to private. On her site, Ms Daly-Holt reveals that she is "bi", and a complex person with a lot of contradicting traits.

"Some people could say that I'm conceited, simply because I may walk around with an air of confidence about me, but I say don't buy before you try!

"I can't stand people who are so quick to judge … yes, you know who you are!"

She describes her main interests as fashion, and dancing to keep fit.

"Love dancing … on the dance floor, in my boudoir, on a stage, on a pole, on a podium, in my dreams, with my girls, with my man, on my own or with a stranger!"

She says she loves any music and lists her favourite movies as The Sound of Music, Drop Dead Fred and Wayne's World and expresses an interest in porn.

"Had to curb my addiction to that! You don't meet many chicks with a porn addiction, do you?

"Really, I'm just a friendly, fun-loving chickadee with a big heart who loves people, loves fashion and loves to love life!"

And what does all of this tell us? Does it explain the reasons behind the tragic events that unfolded on Monday? No. But it does tell us that if the Australian media ever need to turn their attentions on you, for whatever newsworthy reason, your MySpazz account will more than likely be the sole resource they use to define you.

Which means we'd totally screwed, what with the strange and completely wrongtown in-jokes on our profile, the hilarious pictures of cats with stupid captions, and totally sleazy messages of affection exchanged between friends.

IN THE SPIRIT OF GOOGOURNALISM - SOME COMMENTS LEFT BY AUTUMN DALY-HOLT ON VARIOUS FRIENDS' MYSPAZZ PAGES, OUT OF CONTEXT AND RELEVANT TO NOTHING IN PARTICULAR, AFTER THE JUMP!

*We do hope that if anything dicey ever happens to us and the public want to know about it, five page long articles are written which focus entirely on our MySpace interest "telling people they have nice tits in flawless Norwegian".

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Some exciting news for those among you disappointed at never having gotten a peek inside If I Did It, leisure enthusiast O.J. Simpson's disclaimer-heavy memoir outlining how one might, say, brutally stab one's wife and her friend to death outside a Brentwood condo, hypothetically speaking. TMZ.com has obtained a copy of the unpublished manuscript - rights for which were recently awarded by a federal bankruptcy judge to Ron Goldman's family - and republished excerpts. Among them, a paragraph in which a hazy Simpson assesses the post-double-homicidal-scuffle scene:

Then something went horribly wrong, and I know what happened, but I can't tell you exactly how. I was still standing in Nicole's courtyard, of course, but for a few moments I couldn't remember how I'd gotten there, when I'd arrived, or even why I was there. Then it came back to me, very slowly: The recital-with little Sydney up on stage, dancing her little heart out; me, chipping balls into my neighbor's yard; Paula, angry, not answering her phone; Charlie, stopping by the house to tell me some more ugly shit about Nicole's behavior. Then what? The short, quick drive from Rockingham to the Bundy condo. And now?

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In a shocking interview airing later tonight, Guantanamo-quality Extra interrogator Jerry "Dr. Answers" Penacoli inserts a series of bamboo shoots underneath Hairspray star John Travolta's exquisitely manicured fingernails until the enigmatic actor comes clean about his controversial bedtime, unexpectedly admitting under the duress of Penacoli's punishing, Geneva Convention-violating techniques that he is, in fact, a vampire: "I fly sometimes at night. I catch up on all sorts of business I have to do...I do my work out at night." The full press release after the jump, for those strong enough of constitution to learn the truth uncovered by Extra, yet too impatient to wait until dinnertime.

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Defamer is committed to bringing together real directors of real movies with real celebrities hard up for fake dates on the biggest nights of their lives, and so in the interest of furthering our mission of faux-romantic mercy, we spotlight this anonymous plea for companionship from Craigslist, the internet's leading escort service for industry professionals desperately seeking non-embarrassing arm-candy. Posts our seeker:

director needs a (fake) date for a (real) movie premiere - m4m - 33 As bizarre as this sounds, I am looking for a date for a movie premiere. I directed a movie and it's premiering the last week in June. I want to go to the premiere with a date. Yes, there will be celebrities and industry weirdos at the premiere. Yes, there is a big party afterwards. Yes, I really am the director. Yes, it really is a real movie with real celebrities at a real premiere with a red carpet and everything.

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While Isaiah Washington's dishonourable discharge from Grey's Anatomy may have been greeted with silent, satisfied approval from a significant portion of Hollywood's velvet community - comforted in the knowledge that their telekinetic Gay Death Rays were still functioning at maximum, career-annihilating capacity - other members of the LGBT community were less than pleased with the outcome. Lesbian and African American blogger Jasmyne Cannick, for example, strongly feels Washington's termination was just the latest example of a racist shitcanning trend emerging at ABC:

Cannick, who worked with Washington on the Pan African Arts Festival, said she's infuriated ABC booted Washington from the show's upcoming fourth season for calling Knight a "faggot" during a scuffle on the set and believes it smacks of racism. So she's launched a petition - which had 1,233 signatures as of last night - to get the actor his job back.

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Still waking up slick with nightsweats at the passing of every traffic copter, anticipating that another airborne invasion by local news vultures is at hand, residents of Paris Hilton's neighborhood are preparing for the media Apocalypse that awaits them when the world's most famous political prisoner is released from her unjust imprisonment. Notes Gatecrasher's Ben Widdicombe:

A spokeswoman for L.A. City Councilman Jack Weiss told us yesterday that his office had received more than 50 complaints from residents during her brief respite from captivity.

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Diminutive, platform-heel-sporting rock genius Prince will indeed be bringing his traveling funk circus to Hollywood's Roosevelt Hotel. And as was initially hinted at when news of the residency first broke, dinner plus an audience with demonschlonged royalty will cost die hard fans an Amount Formerly Known As A Lot:

For possibly the last time in Los Angeles, the royal purple carpet will be rolled out for his Hollywood homecoming and the artist has chosen the legendary hotel for seven exclusive, intimate performances commencing Saturday, June 23rd, 2007. [...]

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This just in from the Defamer Special Correspondent on Why A Reliably Fragrant Section of Hollywood Smells Even Worse Today:

We all know that Hollywood stinks, and today it ain't just the bums. Hollywood High School laid manure down on their football field today, and the stench has permeated every nook and cranny of Hollywood and Highland complex. The tourist reactions are priceless.

We can imagine why tourists are confused, as nearly every quality guidebook steering visitors through that section of Hollywood Boulevard mentions the area's signature "Smell of a Million Broken Dreams", always described in terms of stale urine fumes wafting off well-trodden Walk of Fame stars; being suddenly confronted by the unmistakable stench of freshly spread manure probably has them thinking that they've wandered far off their recommended path.

· Remember that Tom Cruise guy? Black Book's Carice Van Houten will be starring opposite him in Valkyrie, Cruise's big Hitler-hunting comeback picture. [THR] · A big day in Cruise news: Daniel Snyder, who famously hooked up Cruise with some rent money and a theme-park greeter job when the actor was down on his luck after his dumping by Paramount, has bought Dick Clark Productions, producers of the Golden Globes. Ownership of Dick Clark himself was not transferred in the deal. [Variety] · Jack Black and director Todd Phillips are partnering for the Warner Bros. comedy Man-Witch, whose entire concept is encapsulated in those incredibly efficient hyphenated words. Also mistakenly purchased before the magic-related project were the rights to Manwich, the story of a average schlub's love of Sloppy Joe-style sandwiches, when the Warner Bros. development executive yelped "We're buying it if Jack Black is in it!" before allowing the writers to complete their pitch. [Variety] · NBC scores with their Dateline interview of Princes William and Harry, but our new favorite summer show, Kittens Vs. Cougars: The Battle To Bone Mark Philippoussis, premiered unimpressively for the network. [THR] · Disney signs Wild Hogs auteur Walt Becker to a first-look deal, where he will direct and produce a variety of John Travolta-starring comedy projects. [Variety]

· Couldn't Hillary's clever campaign people at least have put Johnny Sack in a Members Only jacket? Was Chelsea too busy to ineptly parallel park a car? You lose your attention to detail, and the next thing you know, Obama's coming out of the restroom and popping you in the back of the head. [via Gawker] · Another feather in the caps of Tom Cruise's baby-fabricating genetic engineers: field testing finally proves that Suri does not dissolve in seawater. · This is really not the way you want to go. · Dramatic chipmunk. · Why can't that backstabber Rosie just strangle Hasselbeck to her face?

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Kristy Swanson and Lloyd Eisler have escalated their attacks against Eisler's ex-wife, Marcia O'Brien, whose assault claims against Swanson during a child-visitation exchange gone awry led to the actress's arrest in Canada on Friday night. As the former Law... Read More »

To celebrate a summer movie season that has delivered an unprecedented, soul-crushing string of record-breaking pirate-, ogre-, and superhero-related sequels, MPAA spirit squad captain Dan Glickman has grabbed his pom-poms and megaphone and headed for the Huffington Post to... Read More »

While the Grazers opted for the somewhat noisier method of announcing the end of their marriage in Page Six last Thursday, today Paramount emperor Brad Grey and his wife of 25 years whispered news of a trial separation to... Read More »