Monday, June 18, 2007
This Can’t Really Be Lindsay Lohan’s Private MySpazz Account, Can It?
11:40PM Jess McGuire | We want to believe that the interweb has lovingly proffered up troubled actress Lindsay Lohan’s personal MySpace account (she goes by the name of Bella, by the way), we really do.
But would Calum Best really be leaving her messages saying “grow up”? Did she pick Fergie’s song “Big Girls Don’t Cry” as her profile song because she is finding it to be a stirring and inspirational anthem as she wiles away her days in rehab? Is she so impressed with the photography of Bryan Adams that she’d bother creating an entire blogpost where she republishes the (admittedly hot) snaps? Is it wise to create flyers for her upcoming 21st birthday boozebash and scatter them on her profile?
If it is our beloved Li-Lo, we hope she means what she penned in a blogspot dated the 31st May 2007.
learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.
We’re with you, Lindsay.
(wipes away tear)
(adds as a friend)
PS: We watched Mean Girls again the other night, and were reminded of just how awesome Lindsay Lohan was in the flick. Let’s not confuse her with the utterly talentless Paris Hilton – Lohan can actually deliver the goods when she’s not posing with knives/smoking blunts/running over people.
PLEASE, COME BACK TO US LINDSAY! ALL IS FORGIVEN! More » 
Our Pop Stars Just Can’t Compete With The British In Terms Of Scandal (Part Two)
10:50PM Jess McGuire | The Sugababes have been a pop group unafraid of the odd drama. Despite the average age of group members being around 12, they’ve been around since 1998 and have seen more line up changes than TISM.
TISM?
Oh what, you’re going to dispute us on that? HOW ON EARTH COULD YOU TELL EITHER WAY! But yes, we lied for the sake of it. Let’s move on.
Amazing original member of the Sugababes Siobhan Donaghy left early on to pursue her own pop career (and her stuff, we wish to note, is fucking great), which meant some hot blonde bird named Heidi had to take over her duties. Then Mutya, another original member, skipped out to go solo, and the fetchingly named Amelle Berrabah stepped in.
But how long is Amelle going to last now it seems management are planning on making her choose between the group and her boyfriend? Her boyfriend, we should add, has been accused of raping her sister.
Barely 18 months after finding new member Amelle Berrabah, she is on the verge of being fired – unless she dumps her boyfriend Freddie Fuller.
Sugababes have been in meltdown talks over the past week and have now delivered Amelle, 23, an ultimatum – “It’s Freddie or us”.
Fuller is now on bail accused of raping Amelle’s younger sister Samiya, 20 – which will be heard in a trial later this year.
But Amelle has stuck by her man despite fierce pressure from her record label and management to dump him.
Keisha Buchanan and Heidi Range are tearing their hair extensions out with worry.
It’s all a bit hideously Jerry Springer, isn’t it?
In Australian pop news, Dean Geyer still hasn’t placed himself inside Lisa from The Veronicas, and that chick who played the first of McLeod’s seventeen thousand athletic, farm loving daughters has released an album about her post-divorce feelings.
Wake us up when something truly gasp-worthy happens, please. More » 
Our Pop Stars Just Can’t Compete With The British In Terms Of Scandal (Part One)
10:49PM Jess McGuire | Bryan/Brian McFadden’s ex wife (and, by default, Delta Goodrem’s mortal enemy), ex-Atomic Kitten “star” Kerry Katona, has been the target of a rather juicy tell all in the British tabloids over the weekend.
You see, her housekeeper and husband’s ex missus – are you with us? – has told News Of The World that Kerry didn’t exactly abstain from celebrity excess whilst pregnant with her youngest child Heidi.
Disgraced pop star Kerry Katona sank to shameful new depths— risking her baby’s life by snorting deadly cocaine during pregnancy.
Kerry, 26, claims she has been clean for over a year but friend and housekeeper Louise Oortwyn sensationally revealed last night: “I saw her sniff lines of coke when she was four months gone.”
And the fallen pop star, twice named Celebrity Mum of the Year, knew very well she was putting her unborn daughter Heidi in deadly danger as she knelt to sniff the killer white powder.
But she just paused for a second, patted her bump and wondered lamely: “I’ll be all right, won’t I?”
Then she quickly hoovered up the deadly class A drug, sending the poison surging into her body AND the baby’s. The awful risks barely registered with the former Atomic Kitten singer as she went on to snort line after line—stopping only to swill down white wine.
Celebrity Mum of the Year, indeed.
Things took a turn for the blurst when a hopped up Kerry tried to have a conversation with a wooden horse, confesses Louise.
“After a few days of no sleep she got really paranoid—sat with her arms round her knees, rocking backwards and forwards.
“Then it got weird. For Christmas Mark had bought the kids a toy horse that neighed and now Kerry was having a conversation with it, making whinnying noises back. She was babbling nonsense at it and said to me, ‘Louise, he’s talking to me.’ I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.”
Well, considering we once took a ginger midget blow up doll to a Boxing Day party as our date, we’ll perhaps hold back from judging Kerry too harshly about her conversations with equine timber toys. Sometimes you’ve got to take friendship wherever you can get it! And at least the wooden horse would be fairly unlikely to sell tales of your drug binges to the press, no matter how tough times got. More » This Has Fast Become Our Favourite Section Of The Big Brother Site
4:27PM Jess McGuire | Thank you, Big Brother, for saving us the trouble of trawling through page upon page of inane diary entries to find the nuggets of quote gold for our amusement by creating one handy page containing a veritable gold mine of quippery!
Highlights include -
“I see glimpses of a normal side to her – that’s when she’s asleep.”- Billy knows it’s in Laura somewhere.
“That kid seriously needs a brain check. See if there is one.”- Hayley on Bodie.
“I think it was the mashed potato that set it off. I love mashed potato. It’s my favourite.”- Laura explains her breakdown.
“My friends like me because they know I’m confident and I know I’m good looking.”- Thomas on modesty, part one.
“When I look in the mirror, I don’t see the tall, muscular, ripped, confident guy. Honestly, I don’t.”- Thomas on modesty, part two.
More »
Print
3:48PM Jess McGuire | It would be fair to observe that Catherine Deveny isn’t all that into Channel Nine’s The Footy Show. In fact, one might even go so far as to claim she hates them with a white hot passion of a thousand suns, as the saying goes.
I have just watched three episodes of The Footy Show and I feel like Sammy Davis jnr at a Ku Klux Klan rally, like Dannii Minogue at a Mensa convention, like George Pell in 2007.
I’m not into plants but I like Gardening Australia, I’m not into quiz shows but I like The Einstein Factor, I’m not into cars but I like Top Gear, so not being into footy isn’t the reason that I’m repelled by this destructive, small-minded, morally bankrupt orgy of chauvinism. The Footy Show is a celebration of the very worst that television, sport, Australia and human beings can cook up. It’s offensive, toxic, corrosive, encouraging viewers to
So wait, you’re saying you don’t like the show, Catherine? Be clear about your feelings!
The Footy Show is nothing more than media-sanctioned misogyny. And so much less. Tune in and you’ll feel you’ve woken up in 1952. A man in a full body condom, men dressed as women, girls in bikinis, guys stuffing toilet paper down their jocks, dickheads, wankers and yobs. The few women that I did see were leered at, one called “a bitch” and another told to “get f—ed” (both by Sam Newman). I heard the word “sheilas” and could sense that the words “poofters”, “wogs”, “slopes” and “spastics” were just below the surface.
Is it the program, the network, the culture of Australian television, or just Newman that is so offensive? It’s all of them.
We’re still confused about whether or not you think Sam Newman is a great televisual talent, Ms Deveny. Please, make your case.
But Newman really needs to be singled out for his extraordinary contribution to this tragic, puerile, adolescent show that degrades the culture of football, alienates women and teaches boys that females are slaves, trophies or bitches.
…
Newman is vain, ugly, a megalomaniac, a bully. I can’t help feeling that deep inside he would be happy for women to have their brains removed and replaced with a bar fridge. He’s a dangerous bloke who’s paid a lot of money to defile our culture and undermine our intelligence in the most putrid of fashions. For any of you who have sat surrounded by people laughing at this maggot and found yourself thinking there is something wrong with you, there isn’t. There’s something wrong with him. And them.
We quite enjoy Catherine Deveny’s work, perhaps more so now that we understand Andrew Bolt directed his brilliant blogging mind toward her column’s contents back in April.
His brain has probably exploded with disgust at her latest outburst. Will her chorus of hate ever stop ringing in the ears of the nation? Will we ever see an end to the age of “group think”? What about the barbarians at the gate, and the beacons of truth, and Horatio at the bridge etc?
(insert other Bolt cliches here) More »
Catherine Deveny Unlikely To Recieve A Christmas Card From Sam Newman
3:48PM Jess McGuire | It would be fair to observe that Catherine Deveny isn’t all that into Channel Nine’s The Footy Show. In fact, one might even go so far as to claim she hates them with a white hot passion of a thousand suns, as the saying goes.
I have just watched three episodes of The Footy Show and I feel like Sammy Davis jnr at a Ku Klux Klan rally, like Dannii Minogue at a Mensa convention, like George Pell in 2007.
I’m not into plants but I like Gardening Australia, I’m not into quiz shows but I like The Einstein Factor, I’m not into cars but I like Top Gear, so not being into footy isn’t the reason that I’m repelled by this destructive, small-minded, morally bankrupt orgy of chauvinism. The Footy Show is a celebration of the very worst that television, sport, Australia and human beings can cook up. It’s offensive, toxic, corrosive, encouraging viewers to
So wait, you’re saying you don’t like the show, Catherine? Be clear about your feelings!
The Footy Show is nothing more than media-sanctioned misogyny. And so much less. Tune in and you’ll feel you’ve woken up in 1952. A man in a full body condom, men dressed as women, girls in bikinis, guys stuffing toilet paper down their jocks, dickheads, wankers and yobs. The few women that I did see were leered at, one called “a bitch” and another told to “get f—ed” (both by Sam Newman). I heard the word “sheilas” and could sense that the words “poofters”, “wogs”, “slopes” and “spastics” were just below the surface.
Is it the program, the network, the culture of Australian television, or just Newman that is so offensive? It’s all of them.
We’re still confused about whether or not you think Sam Newman is a great televisual talent, Ms Deveny. Please, make your case.
But Newman really needs to be singled out for his extraordinary contribution to this tragic, puerile, adolescent show that degrades the culture of football, alienates women and teaches boys that females are slaves, trophies or bitches.
…
Newman is vain, ugly, a megalomaniac, a bully. I can’t help feeling that deep inside he would be happy for women to have their brains removed and replaced with a bar fridge. He’s a dangerous bloke who’s paid a lot of money to defile our culture and undermine our intelligence in the most putrid of fashions. For any of you who have sat surrounded by people laughing at this maggot and found yourself thinking there is something wrong with you, there isn’t. There’s something wrong with him. And them.
We quite enjoy Catherine Deveny’s work, perhaps more so now that we understand Andrew Bolt directed his brilliant blogging mind toward her column’s contents back in April.
His brain has probably exploded with disgust at her latest outburst. Will her chorus of hate ever stop ringing in the ears of the nation? Will we ever see an end to the age of “group think”? What about the barbarians at the gate, and the beacons of truth, and Horatio at the bridge etc?
(insert other Bolt cliches here) More » 
Aaron Jeffrey Discovers The Tits Are Better In New Zealand, Decides To Quit McLeod’s Daughters
3:41PM Jess McGuire | Fans of McLeod’s Daughters should prepare themselves to lose the last remaining original cast member of the show. Aaron Jeffrey is skipping out in order to work on… oh, we can hardly bring ourselves to say this… to work on a New Zealand television production. Has he no sense of national pride? Is there some kind of telly-terrorism hotline number we can ring to report him?
Aaron Jeffery has spent more than six years playing Alex Ryan on McLeod’s Daughters but has left the show because he was exhausted and unhappy with the show’s direction.
“Unhappy with the show’s direction”, eh? Which, in light of his Logies speech, means only one thing. The “best boobs in the business” are heading rapidly southward and Aaron Jeffrey is simply not prepared to waste valuable ogling time pretending nothing’s changed on the set of the program.
While we realise Channel Nine is in the middle of some serious tightening of purses strings, we strongly urge them not to cut costs in the wardrobe department. Expensive can-tastic undergarments are an investment not an expense. More » Sinead O’Connor’s Text Message Fisticuffs
2:56PM Jess McGuire | So there we were yesterday, quietly enjoying this charming little article about purple midget-beating Sinead O’Connor, when we read the following bit in the piece about Sinead’s lover Frank Bonadio which made our inner Googler sit up straight and prepare for a searching frenzy.
Bonadio is the estranged husband of Irish singer Mary Coughlan and, although he got together with O’Connor after his marriage ended, an unseemly spat between the two women culminated in a vicious text slanging match, which was gleefully reported by the Irish press. But all is calm now and O’Connor is sure she and Bonadio have a future.
Vicious text slanging match, you say?
One quick hit of the crackpipe that is Google and voila.
(Sinead’s) pain at the suggestion of trophy babies is obvious, but it doesn’t fully explain how she came to send such abusive texts to Coughlan, texts which would strike fear in the heart of any man or woman. Texts saying “Be very afraid, by the time I’m finished, you will be crying for your Mummy. I eat crazy bitches like you for breakfast.” She also threatened to break Coughlan’s face.
We realise that it is wrong to make light of threatening behaviour, but we can’t help but sort of love Sinead’s choice of words. Which is probably why we spent Sunday night sending out replica messages to our confused and bewildered friends and family. More » 
The Token Hippy Has Left The House
1:21PM Jess McGuire | Is it wrong that we can’t muster up much feeling about the eviction of Laura on Sunday night? Yeah, she was a hottie. Yeah, she told Gretel she thought she’d be evicted and she was.
So it turned out Laura’s desire to leave the House, and her prediction to Gretel that she was 100% sure she was going to go tonight proved to be true. The predictive and sometimes problematic Laura has left the building but how will those who remain react? With tomorrow’s special male-only nominations what will Daniela do when she discovers she has at least two weeks of ‘doing and saying so much more’ in the BB House? She caused a lot of strife in the House, and even though she’s gone, the trouble doesn’t look like it’s going to end.
But we just feel decidedly flat about the whole thing.
In other news, we’re still pinning our hopes on Zach. More » 