Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Could Dr Karl Kennedy Become The New Hoff/Chuck Norris/Etc?
6:54PM Jess McGuire | Frankly, we were well over the whole David Hasselhoff phenomenon quite shortly after it started. Chuck Norris online love was vaguely amusing for about a week, but was dragged out in email forward after email forward for an interminably long time.
But could Dr Karl Kennedy become an internet hero we can wholeheartedly get behind? There’s a new Facebook appreciation group for Erinsborough’s favourite medico, and their list of reasons to love him are hard to argue with.
Today Karl performed hypnosis on Lou. Is there nothing this man can’t do??
Recently Dr Karl went away to see Libby.Everyone postponed their illnesses till he came back…
Thank You to Jon Hart of Cardiff for pointing out that Dr. Karl is also a children’s entertainer! BLIMEY!!
Eileen O’ Doherty just reminded me that he’s an oncologist aswell. I think that pretty much he’s an expert in every kind of medicine under the sun…I wonder if he’s immortal…
DR. K FACTS:
Inspired by Charlie Osbourne, I have decided to write down a few little known facts about KK.
1)When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Dr. K.
2)Dr. K doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
3)Dr. K does not sleep. He waits.
4)Dr. K counted to infinity – twice.
5)When Dr. K does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
6)Dr. K doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
7)Dr. K can slam a revolving door.(Elle and Clare’s favourite fact)
8)Dr. K does not get frostbite. Dr. K bites frost.
9)Dr.K can touch MC Hammer.
10)Dr.K once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
The man is a genius we concur. He really managed to win back our heart once he finished with that brazen harlot Izzy Hoyland and to be honest, for a long time we weren’t sure such an impressive feat would ever be possible. More » 
YouTube Clip Of The Day
4:34PM Jess McGuire | This clip has made our long weekend come down all the more easier to get through. Marvel at the single men, ladies/gentlemen who are that way inclined!
Jeff is our favourite, hands down. More » 
Dannii Morphs Into ‘Grumpy Judge’ On UK Talent Show, Red Symons Prepares For War
4:22PM Jess McGuire | Australia’s Got Talent judge Dannii Minogue – who, last we can recall, spent most of her time on the Channel Seven program fawning over any act that came her way, doubly so if there happened to be any sort of rainbow tinge to the performance – has apparently morphed into a harsh assessor of showbiz skill now that she’s appearing on Britain’s The X Factor.
Dannii, who’s joined Simon “normally the nasty one” Cowell and Sharon Osbourne as judges on the UK version of The X-Factor, is becoming increasingly unpopular with the contestants.
Choreographer Brian Friedman explains: “One girl came in for auditions and said, ‘I used to like Kylie’.” Dannii didn’t like being compared to her sister and voted her out on the spot.
“She has left several contestants in tears.” Meow!
The idea of any contestant feeling the need to put on the waterworks after hearing Dannii Minogue finds them talentless strikes us as vaguely amusing, but there you go.
(Our beloved gay and UK correspondent Will is no doubt going to kill us for writing the above sentence.) More » 
Bindi Irwin’s New Show Sounds Like Essential Viewing
4:07PM Jess McGuire | And by “essential viewing”, we mean “as weird and uncomfortable as we always imagined”.
It seems the reviews are starting to roll in, and the general consensus seems to be that it’s, erm, awkward to watch.
The grade-schoolers for whom Bindi the Jungle Girl is designed should find this new series a breezy, affectionate, info-packed introduction to the world’s animals, vivaciously led by someone their size. Their parents and other adults may find the show hosted by eight-year-old Bindi Irwin a little bit creepy. That’s because her dead dad Steve is everywhere. He’s shown and mentioned in the present tense, even popping up in the show’s studio “treehouse” with Bindi and mom Terri, as though he’s well among the living.
“While this shouldn’t matter to six-year-olds – who may not even be aware the beloved Crocodile Hunter died last September off the coast of Queensland in a freak encounter with a stingray – it can be a serious jolt for those of us who whiled away tube-years with the zesty Aussie zoo-master known the world-over for his delighted cries of “Crikey!” The shock and mourning are still too fresh.
“It’s downright – well, I don’t know what, but not comfortable – when Steve pops into the treehouse in Saturday’s 5.30pm second episode. He’s crouched behind a desk resting his chin on its edge, his head alongside that of a gorilla skull, which Bindi asks us to tell apart. Sorry. That’s more than I can handle. By the time Steve and wife/widow Terri helped Bindi bid the audience bye-bye at the end of my hour screening disc, I was seriously weirded out.
(bites tongue)
We’re pinning our Irwin Empire hopes on Bob-Bob, if you must know. More » Warning – Grab At Princess Anne’s Inaudibles At Your Peril
4:01PM Jess McGuire | Quite the Windsor-themed day we’re having, isn’t it? Lucky we’re not a Republic or we wouldn’t be able to get away with such mischief.
Princess Anne has snapped at a “hapless official” who nobly attempted to help the clumsy lady up from an embarrassing public stumble.
A hapless official has received a tongue lashing from Princess Anne when he rushed to her aid after she slipped and fell in front of crowds during a tour.
The 56-year-old princess took offence to Geoffrey Rowland’s attempts to help, saying “No don’t do that, thank-you. Grabbing me round my … (inaudible) won’t help.
“I’m perfectly capable of getting myself up.”
We plan on publicly using the phrase “grabbing me round my inaudibles” from this day forth with frightening enthusiasm. Because we are quite idiotic.
More » 
British Tabloid Horrified By Prince Harry’s Insensitively Timed Boozefest
3:41PM Jess McGuire | Britain’s News Of The World published a damning article about the world’s favourite ginger royal over the weekend. The paper, it would seem, is riled up that Prince Harry went on an off-duty bender in Canada (where he has been sent for army training) whilst the shit storm in Iraq continues to take the lives of fellow enlisted Britons.
DRUNKEN Prince Harry is pictured slobbering all over girls in a sleazy club – just hours after our 150th soldier died in Iraq.
As British troops mourned the landmark casualty, we can reveal Harry spent his off-duty hours on army training in Canada SLUGGING back booze and SNOGGING barmaids.
Excessive and dramatic use of capitals tabloid’s own.
The article goes on to spell out in great shouty detail the multitude of sins committed by the bloodnut prince, who has apparently gone wild with the ladies in regular girlfriend Chelsy Davy’s absence.
“I want to see ALL the beautiful women,” the prince yelled before downing a heady mix of beer, sambuca and rum and cokes.
To be fair, it strikes us as unlikely that Harry chose to go on a celebratory bender because Britain’s 150th soldier had been killed in Iraq. But you never know with these dicey royal types now, do you? Best to damn now and get the message across to other young, rich, blue-blood army types that such carousing is frowned upon, and you never know when this schmozzle of a Middle East “freedom” campaign will, with unfortunate timing should you be indulging in a round of lick-sip-suck at that very moment, claim yet another life. More » Lindsay Tanner Urges The Nation To Support Emos
1:43PM Jess McGuire | We can honestly say that when we woke up this morning, we were not expecting to see a headline like “Emos need our total support” anywhere in the papers. But the world is a strange and wonderful place, and we must adjust to this fact accordingly.
You see, Labor politician Lindsay Tanner has penned a moving piece published under that very compelling headline. We’re sure he means well, but a grown man putting his name to an article which repeatedly makes use of the word “emos” results in a discombobulating explosion of feelings deep within us. We are amused, and yet frightened. We are touched at the effort, whilst simultaneously shuddering in vicarious embarrassment. Kind of like when your older bachelor uncle tries to hang out with the young folk at family get togethers, forever dropping archaic “groovy” lingo into conversation, his pot belly hanging awkwardly over his hipster tight black stovepipe jeans.
Emos need our total supportBy Lindsay Tanner
You might not have heard of emos. Neither had I until two teenage girls from Melbourne’s outer east committed suicide.
Some people blamed the emo culture.
Emos belong to a distinct youth subculture that emerged from the music and fashion of the goth and punk culture in the 1980s.
Emo is short for emotional. It now seems to reflect quite a bit more than just particular music and fashion styles.
Emos are supposedly sensitive, introverted and alienated.
Already, we’re marvelling at the pace of the missive. In our heads, we are imagining Lindsay Tanner in school uniform, standing in front of the chalkboard and hastily reading his report on the phenomenon of “emos” to a mildly interested troop of classmates. Each sentence is delivered in a nervous, breathless manner, with every new paragraph giving the knee high socks-donning Lindsay a chance to quickly gasp for air.
More of Lindsay’s insight into the world of “emos” after the jump. More » 
Rebecca Confuses Us With Her Biblical Thoughts On Track Pants
12:45PM Jess McGuire | We’re sure this makes perfect sense to someone, somewhere out there.
Were you surprised to be evicted last night?I was in my TDs (Trackie Daks). It was TD Sunday. I pretty much knew it was happening, but I was supporting the TD Sunday movement, which everyone else had jumped off the band wagon for. Geez, don’t even know what to say about those guys, it’s like the animals that might jump of the arc, yeah.
Yes. It’s exactly like the animals that might jump of the arc.
Totally.
(cracks open can of V and downs in one go)
(”gets” it, finally) More » Short Ends: Paulie Spinoff
12:41PM Defamer Hollywood | Suffering from nervous breakdowns induced by Sopranos separation anxiety? Breathe deeply and whisper to yourself that at least you’ve got The Walnuts to hold onto. Mental health professionals lament The Sopranos‘ passing, as Tony made those who sit in expensive leather chairs across from manipulative sociopaths seem cool again. · Maroon 5 manwhore Adam Levine’s got a sexy secret…and Us is letting you in on it! · Ryan Seacrest makes Simon Cowell joke, touches off multiple gossip item trying to stir up Idol controversy. · Sunset Tan shocker! Spray-tanned corpse not actually a corpse. · The Office’s BJ Novak on how to do old Reveille boss/new NBC boss Ben Silverman: “I’ve been studying his mannerisms: huge enthusiasm, and then he’ll slip in an incredible knowledge of specifics, way deep into a lot of complicated handshakes and backslapping.” More »
Big Brother’s Emma Believes She Is A “Good Leader”
12:35PM Jess McGuire | Sunday night’s program saw the eviction of Rebecca The Mormon and Ice Queen Emma.
Emma has told journalists that she’s not really comfortable talking about her father’s death right now (well, fair enough) but she’ll spill her guts soon enough.
She’s also been banging out the traditional Things In The House Are Intensified, I’m Not Really Like That excuse now that she’s discovered the public find her to be a bit of a heinous bully.
“Obviously in such a confined area you do get upset, or gossip and bitch about petty little things that wouldn’t phase you in normal life.”
And that’s not the only cliche she’s rolled out.
More » 