Monday, June 11, 2007

From The “Oh, To Have Been A Fly On The Wall” Files

7:55PM Jess McGuire | Pope photo-tearin’ good time gal Sinead O’Connor has revealed that she and Prince ended up enjoying a bout of fisticuffs and spitting after she had a world wide hit with his song “Nothing Compares 2 U’. I met him twice when ‘Nothing Compares 2 U’ was a hit,” O’Connor told the Daily Mirror. “At the time he had a lot of female protégées and I had covered his song without having anything to do with him. He invited me to his house in Los Angeles and started to give out to me for swearing in interviews. “When I told him to go fuck himself he got very upset and became quite threatening, physically. I ended up having to escape. He can pack a punch. A few blows were exchanged. All I could do was spit. I spat on him quite a bit.” A bald future Rastafarian lesbian nun duking it out with a tiny horny purple dwarf? We would pay good money to see such footage on YouTube. (via No Rock & Roll Fun) More »

Paris Hilton Has Not Been Stabbed, We Repeat, Paris Hilton Has NOT Been Stabbed

2:22PM Jess McGuire | Oh, The Internet. Forever conjuring false reports of deaths and break ups and injuries and overdoses. Part of us wishes you wouldn’t lie to us so much, but then you’re so very thrilling and crazy and we never know what you’re going to do next! If we made you stop behaving in an unhinged and reckless manner, perhaps we’d lose the very thing we fell in love with in the first place? The latest hoax to be coughed up by the world wide web (or at least some canny wag who knew doing something along these lines would get international press attention)? A Paris Hilton Has Been Stabbed rumour! A shocking hoax e-mail which claims jailed heiress Paris Hilton has been stabbed multiple times by a disgruntled inmate has begun circulating in Australia. In the report, the story quotes “unnamed sources from within the Lynwood medical ward” saying that “Paris received two wounds to the chest, one to the back, one to the throat and three to the abdomen. Although her condition has been stabilized (sic), surgeons are pessimistic about a full recovery. Their main concern being that the puncture to her back may have severely damaged her spinal cord.” The website describes the weapon used in the stabbing as a shank made from a grinded down metal ruler. A “guard” is quoted as saying, “She probably had it coming.” A spokeswoman for the Los Angeles County – Sheriff’s Department, Twin Towers Correctional Facility told NEWS.com.au that the claims made in the report were false. So there you have it. Rest assured, loyal viewers, that Paris Hilton remains – at this very moment in time, at least – unpunctured and probably still devastated she’s not been allowed to bring in her waxing kit. More »

Isla Fischer Is Pregnant And Is Keen On Proving This By Wearing A Skimpy Red Bikini

2:13PM Jess McGuire | Congratulations to Sasha Baron-Cohen and Isla Fischer on news that the showbiz pair are expecting their first little Borat together. Just in case there were any suspicions the expectancy rumour was false, Isla has very thoughtfully donned a tiny scrap of cloth while at the beach so the world can observe and acknowledge her artfully protruding baby bump. The red bikini leaves nothing to the imagination – former Home and Away star Isla Fisher has a baby bump. Fisher was seen holidaying in Mexico’s Cabo San Lucas with fiance Sasha Baron Cohen, of Borat and Ali G fame. While the couple have kept quiet on pregnancy rumours for months, word of an impending birth gathered pace during this week’s MTV Music Awards. A British newspaper said the couple revealed the good news to friends at hip los Angeles pub the Cat and Fiddle. The Daily Star quoted a source as saying: “Isla called everyone to a toast and gushed, ‘We have got good news. I am pregnant’.” More »

Rai Thistlethwayte Pop Beginnings

2:07PM Jess McGuire | Good grief. Yesterday we arrived home from a quick jaunt in the country to discover an email from charming reader Ruth. Fresh off metafilter today, Thirsty Merc’s Rai Thistlethwayte produced this pop “gem” in his formative years. And yet I enjoy it more than Thirsty Merc. Sweet Jesus. Here’s the clip. While his trademark facial hair is missing, those dominant eyebrows prove without a doubt it really is him. We salute his attempt to “give a smile to the planet” (”Cheers!” – The Planet) but are mildly concerned by our suspicion he seems to be wanting to have a threeway with the couple appearing in the video. We wonder if perhaps he grew his ridiculous looking goatee so no one would ever recognise him and his pop past? Thanks Ruth! More »

George Clooney Unafraid To Kick A Gal When She’s Down

1:47PM Jess McGuire | Following the saga of Paris Hilton has been a wild ride, wouldn’t you agree? One minute she’s in the clink, the next she’s free, the next she’s being led back to prison screaming and crying… it’s been terrifically entertaining, in a slightly cruel feeding-the-Christian-to-the-lions sort of way. And we dare say that’s one of the few times Paris Hilton will be compared to a Christian in an analogy… Just when things were looking like they couldn’t get much worse for the world’s most captivating jailbird, bam! George Clooney sends a (verbal) swift kick to her scrawny belly, calling her cheap and talentless. Ocean’s Thirteen star George Clooney has hit out at troubled hotel heiress Paris Hilton – accusing her of using “cheap tricks” to maintain her celebrity profile. Clooney believes the Simple Life star is a hypocrite for manipulating the press attention to create her current ’star’ status, only for her to turn around and bemoan the media frenzy her recent legal troubles in relation to a 2006 drink-drive arrest have caused. He says, “You can only get so far without discernable talent – then you either work, or use cheap publicity tricks to keep the public’s attention. “Paris has no reason to complain if she is on the end of bad publicity.” We congratulate Clooney on coming up with the revolutionary concept that Paris Hilton is crass and pointless, but did he have to announce it to the world now? This slamming from Hollywood’s silver fox could send her over the edge! More »