We're currently writing this post while hosting trivia in a pub (the internet and Defamer Australia, being soulmates, are inseparable) so we won't get to watch it.

Can someone else do all the hard yards, watch The Nation on Channel Nine, and tell us honestly what it's like? If Jackie O appears, we insist you spit on your screens.

We just heard from a very good source that, back in the day (ie. the nineties), E Street star and conduit for the most amazing lyric in pop history ("If you want to wait til later, hands off my detonator!") Melissa Tkautz used to let Richard Wilkins place himself inside her.

Allegedly.

Inside her.

Wilkins.

Tkautz.

Sex.

That is all.

Allegedly.

Tonight's APRA Awards will see one of the following 'tunes' declared Song Of The Year.

- Eskimo Joe's Black Fingernails Red Wine
- John Butler Trio Funky Tonight
- Gotye Heart's a Mess
- Wolfmother Joker & the Thief
- Augie March One Crowded Hour

As far as we're concerned, it should be handed straight to Augie March without any discussion whatsoever, which means it'll probably go to John Butler Trio.

DEFAMER AUSTRALIA/AUGIE MARCH FACT! Glenn Richards once tried to help a boozy Defamer Australia spell 'Phnom Penh' in an SMS when predictive text proved completely useless!

Macquarie Dictionary is already on the hunt for the new Word Of The Year.

It may be only four months since muffin top - "the fold of fat around the midriff, which spills over the top of tight-fitting pants" - was named the Macquarie Dictionary inaugural word of the year. But nominations are rolling in for the 2007 winner.

"I've already got quite a nice little bundle of suggestions on my desk," said Sue Butler, editor of the dictionary, who with colleagues will prepare a shortlist to be put to a public vote.

It's like Australian Idol, but with words!

Other phrases to catch her attention include: micro-blogging, happy-clappy and, especially since the despoliation of the Gwydir wetlands, Ramsar site, named after the Iranian town where a convention to protect such areas was signed.

Ms Butler spoke after the publication in London of the new Collins English Dictionary. Some of its new entries may be familiar. They include the Australian barbecue stopper, the American McMansions, the untraceable but possibly Australian Dykon, for a celebrity admired by lesbians, and the ubiquitous muffin top.

We managed to get 'sezbian' into a Neighbours script, for fucks sake. Sue Butler, we demand you embrace it! DEMAND! EMBRACE! SEZBIAN!

Well, they might not all be Mormons. But still, she has a voting posse and that can only be a good thing for the gal.

Big Brother contestant and Mormon Rebecca Dent may not be popular among her housemates but chances are she is getting some help from the faithful who bombard the show's voting lines.

Rebecca's mother, Rosemary, says her daughter has "hundreds" of friends voting regularly to save the 23-year-old from eviction despite the fact there are many within the church who oppose the show.

Nominated by almost every housemate last week, Rebecca evaded eviction for a second time on Sunday night thanks to a huge amount of save votes that ousted rival Susannah.

Asked if she thought many other Mormons were voting for Rebecca because of her religious background, Ms Dent said: "I'm not sure because there are a lot of people in the church who are against the show."

Other people getting behind Rebecca include Anyone With A Soul Who Saw Her Crying In The Diary Room About Feeling Less Than Zero Thanks To The Bitchy Ways Of People Like Emma, and the Australasian School Camp Games Enthusiasts.

Should we be expecting Paris Hilton state of mind updates constantly now that she's finally checked into jail for her 23 days of punishment introspection and contemplation? It seems to us that she's only just walked through the barred doors - surely we should wait at least a couple of days before checking in on her emotions? She'll probably be out before Lindsay Lohan finishes her stint in rehab, after all.

Nonetheless, those at home going out of their mind with worry* will be relieved to read the following.

US socialite Paris Hilton has begun serving her Los Angeles jail sentence for violating probation, her lawyer said. "She's doing very well under the circumstances," Richard A Hutton told People today. "The staff here have reported that she has been gracious, polite, and thankful for helping her."

And she's going to grow from this too, we can feel it.

Hilton was quoted as saying: "Although I am scared, I am ready to begin my jail sentence."

“I am ready to face the consequences of violating probation. During the past few weeks I have had a lot of time to think and have come to realise I made some mistakes,” Hilton said.

“This is an important point in my life and I need to take responsibility for my actions. In the future, I plan on taking more of an active role in the decisions I make. I want to thank my family, friends and fans for their continued support."

We suspect she's not referring to you, Candy 'Big Fan Of The Open Letter' Spelling.

* These people do exist, you know. We received a text from a dear chum this morning which said "I can't believe I've woken up this morning and Paris Hilton's in jail... it just feels so surreal; like something's off-kilter with the world. Sorry, just needed to connect. Sometimes it's easier to get through these things together." WE SUSPECT YOU ARE BEING SLIGHTLY TONGUE IN CHEEK, MS FITS.

Inspiring!

US actress Pamela Anderson is to fulfil a dream by becoming a magician's assistant starring in a show at at Las Vegas casino, organisers say.

"I love magic. I love doing things out of the ordinary and of course I'm always up for an adventure, as this will definitely be one," Anderson said in a statement issued by the company Stage Entertainment.

We are thrilled for Pamela, but unsurprised about this slight change in career. After all, she has a history of making things disappear and then reappear again (namely breast implants), and she's an first class sword swallower.

"Audiences are going to be amazed when they see what she can do in our show," said Dutch magician Hans Klok of Anderson's starring role in his show.

And by that, he means 'tits'.

We've shamelessly lifted this from the almighty PopJustice because it was just too, too good. As far as video clips go, it is perfect and cheesy and cheap-looking and we plan on recreating it with our friends repeatedly (until all involved get bored and move onto the next YouTube fad).

· Maybe we're just fatigued from too much Hilton coverage, but does it seem like E! gave Paris an airbrushed rack as a going away present? Bonus: A Simple Life mugshot face-off! · Headline begging for a bad one-liner that we're too lazy to provide: Pope To Be Named NBC Studio Head, Sources Say. · We're pretty sure the reasons blogs were invented were to make sure it's as simple as possible to start an online feud with indie rockers who allegedly stole your basketball. · Slow the Fuck Down, says angry Hancock Park sign-maker. · LAist decries the inhumane conditions (i.e., exposure to Dane Cook) they were subjected to in the MTV Movie Awards Blogghetto.

A Rosieless The View hasn't quite been the must-see daytime TV minefield of recent months, but even its gentler incarnation has something to offer viewers looking for their daily dose of ribald and uncensored yenta talk. According to ever-vigilant AfterElton.com, however, Joy Behar couldn't resist bringing up the topic of Hugh Jackman, to whom all signs point to Gay:

Joy: What happens when a beautiful man marries a sort of unattractive woman? Then you have dilemma. People will really talk. They think he's gay. This is what happens. Barbara Walters: Really? Joy: Oh, yeah. I was reading in the article that we're reading that Hugh Jackman, who is a very handsome guy, people always think he's gay because his wife looks like the rest of us. Barbara: That's not true. First of all, his wife is very attractive. I think people -

Read More »

Say what you will about Paris Hilton, but if the genius-level self-promoter had decided that the best way to attract some media attention was to get involved in a plot to blow up a major metropolitan airport, the evil scheme would not have been quite so easily foiled.

• Paris Hilton: Terrorist [YouTube]

Predictably, anti-Lohan British rag News of the World, which memorably sensationalised images from a video depicting the actress innocently hanging around in a Teddy's toilet cubicle, has cast a new round of photos in the least charitable light possible. Rather than recognising that Lohan and a friend were merely playing the red-hot Hollywood after-party game "You Hold A Knife Up To My Neck, I'll Pretend To Stab You In The Breast A Couple Of Times, And Then Maybe We'll Make Out A Little", the paper misleadingly applies the labels "crazed" and "chilling" to their harmless, high-spirited shenanigans. Fortunately for the fragile starlet, she's insulated from such gratuitous tabloid attacks at Promises' idyllic Malibu stronghold, where she's busy trying to recover from an addiction she probably doesn't even have.

Read More »

Destroying our secret hope that Paris Hilton's surrender to authorities would take place following a high speed chase in which the desperate heiress piled her menagerie of neglected pets into her Maybach and made a bold sprint for the Mexican border, it seems that Hilton's last moments of freedom played out relatively uneventfully.

Read More »

A trio of celebrated jackasses - tireless celebrities' rights activist Jimmy Kimmel, noted anaconda ball-pit wrestler Johnny Knoxville, and Adam Carolla - are being sued for $US10 million by the starring dupe of the Comedy Central movie Windy City Heat. (For the uninitiated, Heat was an elaborate practical joke, in which the gullible Caravello is made to believe that he won the lead in a movie about "sports private eye Stony Fury", which might have played funnier if he didn't, as one prominent physician observed, appear to be suffering from moderate-to-severe brain damage.) Reports the AP:

Perry Caravello claims Kimmel never paid him for his work in the 2003 TV movie Windy City Heat. According to the suit, Knoxville also promised to pay him to promote the DVD release of the film on Carolla's show last fall if he agreed to place his genitals in a mousetrap.

Read More »

If transmogrifying musical icon Courtney Love often appears to have the temperament of someone who woke up on the wrong side of the bed - assuming she spent her last abrupt slide into unconsciousness in a bed at all - it only adds to her mystique. Still, it's one thing to watch your cherished guitar heroes mouthing off at the world from afar, but quite another when that turbulence is directed at you. That's exactly what happened to a WOW Report staffer, who reports of his ego-shattering run-in with Love following her Friday night performance at the House of Blues:

I noticed a frail blonde with a Betty Page haircut sitting on the bench at the front entrance digging through her purse and swearing. I realised it was Courtney Love herself. David LaChapelle and Sharon Gault (Madonna's old makeup artist) were assisting her in some sort of frantic search. I slowly approached and Courtney immediately snapped, "Can you give us some privacy?" [...] Courtney continued to dig through her purse and I overheard her saying that she'd lost a $3,000 jacket inside the club ... I sat on the bench with Sharon while Courtney complained to David about her $3,000 loss.

Read More »

All too often in Hollywood, the price of success is finding oneself named on a lawsuit by an aggrieved individual who feels that his or her own hard work on a story about, say, the dehumanising effects of suburban Christmas-lighting competitions or about the so-deep-undercover-we-don't-know-which-way-is-up adventures of whitefaced African-American FBI agents has been unfairly appropriated by a studio hellbent on enriching themselves with ill-gotten material. According to a CBC report, Knocked Up's Judd Apatow could soon find himself sued by a Canadian journalist who feels that her personal tale of an unplanned pregnancy (detailed in the book Knocked Up: Confessions of a Hip Mother-to-be - a match!) was too closely mimicked by Seth Rogen's wacky, yet human-condition-illuminating, insemination of Katherine Heigl:

[Rebecca] Eckler said if the similarities ended there, she could let the matter go - but they continue, right down to the religion of the father (Jewish) and the career choice of the film's main character, Alison. "Both my book and the movie feature one night of passion and the nine months that follow. Fine. Whatever," she wrote.

Read More »

We apologise in advance for subjecting you to this image of leading Hollywood torture-pornographer/ turkeysploitation visionary Eli Roth, but we felt that today's combination of disturbing Lindsay Lohan and Brian Grazer imagery, while certainly distressing on its own, probably wouldn't leave any lasting psychological scars. We are, however, giving the squeamish the opportunity to go no further and avoid the soul-chilling shock of discovering what lies beneath that Hostel: Part II logo by continuing on to this (very, very NOT SAFE FOR WORK) post on NY Mag's Vulture blog, but here's a hint for those who haven't figured it out already: the altered photo is from a two-page spread entitled Eli Roth Has the Biggest Dick in Hollywood, from a book on the marketing of horror films by Lionsgate executive Tim Palen. Happy Monday!

• NSFW: Eli Roth Has His Dirk Diggler Moment [Vulture]

Back in the fall of 2005, Brad Pitt and George Clooney were widely reported as having co-invested in the Boom Boom Room, a Laguna Beach gay bar and hotel, though the actors' reps denied their involvement at the time. Its official buyer, Beverly-Hills-based billionaire Steven Udvar-Hazy, has now put the property back on the market. Smelling an opportunity to hang ten on a wave of some well-timed Oceans publicity, Lily-White Coastal Community Citizens for the Right to Get Hammered on Planter's Punch Among Their Own, Man-Loving Kind have enlisted the actors' help in an ad found on page 14 of today's Variety.

Read More »

· Local comedy monopolist Judd Apatow continues to integrate the industry's mirth-making entities into his rapidly expanding humor-producing conglomerate, collaborating with Jack Black, Knocked Up's Harold Ramis, Superbad's Michael Cera, and an Office writing team on Year One for Columbia. [Variety] · Jim Carrey will star in the dark comedy I Love You Phillip Morris (by Bad Santa's Glenn Ficarra and John Requa), an idea pitched as Catch Me if You Can meets Brokeback Mountain. There is no direct Judd Apatow involvement that we can discern, a fact that could doom the promising project to eventual turnaround. [Variety] · The dust is finally starting to settle at a post-Albrechtgate HBO, with "longtime Albrecht right-hand man" Michael Lombardo reportedly being promoted to a new job overseeing all west coast operations. [THR] · Imagine superproducer Brian Grazer's unparalleled Bacon-attaching skills lead to ubiquitous actor Kevin joining the cast of Frost/Nixon, the big-screen adaptation of the Peter Morgan play. [THR] · The U.S. 2nd Circuit Court of Appeals throws out the FCC's "capricious" rulings against Fox over Cher saying "fuck" and Nicole Richie "shit" during broadcasts of the 2002 and 2003 Billboard Music Awards, a landmark decision that reaffirms an awards show presenter's right to "accidentally" swear on live TV. [Variety]Brian

TVWeek corralled just-installed NBC Entertainment co-chair Ben Silverman (pictured above enjoying himself in the general vicinity of soon-to-be sworn enemy Les Moonves of CBS) for a "getting to know you" chat, in which the recently anointed New Peacock Messiah... Read More »

In this trying time of unjustly incarcerated heiresses, let us not forget what's truly important: the reporting of this weekend's box office numbers: 1. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End - $US43.188 million After successfully wresting the record for "#1 Worldwide Opening of All Time" from Sony's Spider-Man 3 over the seemingly endless Memorial Day frame, Disney's Pirates 3 laid another smackdown on their rival, crushing Team Spidey's second-weekend drop-off of 50% with a 62% plummet of their own. Tomorrow, the studio will proudly commemorate this achievement in the pages of Variety, trumpeting Pirates as "The Summer's #1 Pump-and-Dump Blockbuster, At Least Until Transformers Arrives!"

Read More »