Monday, June 4, 2007

The Sex In Christ Website Just Gets Better And Better

10:26PM Jess McGuire | Oh my, we meant to stop talking about the Sex In Christ site after this post but we just discovered the Question and Answer section. My boyfriend and I drink each other’s semen. We don’t have oral sex because we believe it is forbidden by the scripture. We believe that it is the way God intended us to be – just like David and Jonathan. More »

Attention Guy Sebastian And Dean Geyer!

10:13PM Jess McGuire | As upstanding young Christian lads (and there’s nothing wrong with that), you two would undoubtedly occasionally find yourself in hard situations. And we mean that in the most literal sense. Because you have chosen to save your sexual goods until you are married, your current unbetrothed status is at times probably quite difficult and frustrating. Never fear! We stumbled across the website Sex In Christ recently, and the good news is… you can have anal! It’s okay! It’s in the Bible! Are you saving yourself for your wedding night? The Devil wants you to fail, that’s why he puts stumbling blocks in your way. But God wants you to succeed, and that’s why he has given us an alternative to intercourse before marriage: anal sex. Through anal sex, you can satisfy your body’s needs, while you avoid the risk of unwanted pregnancy and still keep yourself pure for marriage. You may be shocked at first by this idea. Isn’t anal sex (sodomy) forbidden by the Bible? Isn’t anal sex dirty? What’s the difference between having anal sex before marriage and having regular intercourse? Let’s address these issues by debunking some myths about anal sex and God’s will. More »

What’s Going On In Big Brother UK?

7:47PM Jess McGuire | Big Brother fans will remember the joy last year of discovering we could watch the amazing series (featuring a house full of totally entertaining/occasionally insane folk including a Tourettes afflicted musician – he eventually won the series – and a spoiled and completely mental woman named Nikki) on YouTube. If you missed Nikki’s brilliance, here’s a taste. Anyway. Defamer Australia have a wonderful correspondent currently living in London who is sending us brilliantly succinct updates about the new series. Enjoy the first of many missives from Will, Defamer Australia’s Official UK Correspondent. The UK version of Big Brother just started and the house until Friday was a woman-only house! There are some old ladies in there too like 55 and 60 years old. The 55 year old is an old hippie who likes going on protests and wearing hemp and being a hardcore leftie, and the 60 year old is a complete Tory and small business owner and very posh though I understand she has been weeing in the shower – to the nation’s disgust. For some reason the Tory woman has turned the leftie hippie woman into her bitch! I just don’t understand how this happened but to be frank I haven’t been watching very closely. There is also a dreadful late 30s woman with pink hair who is a tired looking raver-type, fat pants and all – she lists her occupation as ‘cleaner’ and claims to never have turned on a computer in her life. So there you have it. More »

This Is The Best Thing We’ve Seen On A Blog In Ages

7:25PM Jess McGuire | There’s a thoroughly charming story associated with the following image, and you can read it here. In the meantime, this pleased us more than we could ever put into words. MSKP, we want your friends. More »

Mimi MacPherson Spends Some Time With “The Kids”

6:51PM Jess McGuire | Whale-watching amateur video star Mimi MacPherson has revealed to Sydney Confidential that she spent her Saturday night chaperoning a school disco, busting out impressive dancefloor choreography with a bunch of six year olds. Macpherson is used to working with animals but ticked the children box on Saturday – going back to school with her It Takes Two partner, opera singer David Hobson. The TV duo played chaperone at a disco at the Camberwell South Primary School, where Hobson’s two children attend. “Oh yes, my big Saturday night out,” Macpherson laughed. “I definitely got some moves from the six-year-olds.” We initially misread that as “I definitely made some moves on the six-year-olds” and we were pretty freaked out but time and medication soon revealed our idiocy. As Phil Ceberano and Antonia Kidman would attest, no article about celebrity siblings is complete without a gratuitous mention of the more famous one in the family. Macpherson also revealed her famous sister Elle was a big fan. “I told her not to watch it – it’s embarrassing, but she’s very good with calls and texts saying ‘You beauty’ and ‘Go, girl’. Perhaps I should get her sons (Flynn and Cy) to steal her phone and vote for me.” Elle sends texts saying stuff like “You beauty”? That’s more Australian than we’ve heard her sound in… well, ever. More »

Someone We Don’t Really Care All That Much About Has Left The Country In Shame

3:31PM Jess McGuire | Fans of Candice Alley Falzon (what does she do, exactly?) will be distressed to hear that she is abandoning our golden shores and heading overseas for a while. A new-look Candice Falzon will attempt a new start when she lines up for a British life-saving championship competition this month. The sometime athlete will leave Sydney mid-month for a four-week working holiday, in a bid to renew her focus on an athletics career and distance herself from the scandal that threatened her family-life, lucrative sponsorship deals and public face. “What scandal do they speak of?” we hear you asking. Allow us to copy and paste further. The incident that led to the profound embarrassment of both Falzon and Canterbury star Sonny Bill Williams happened at the the Easter long weekend. Bulldogs players, including Williams, Willie Mason, Ben Roberts and Reni Matua, decided they would have some late afternoon beers at one of their favourite haunts – the Clovelly Hotel, which was already packed with drinkers escaping the rain. ………. A grainy mobile phone photograph, which showed Falzon and Williams inside the toilet cubicle, was soon being widely circulated and when it was published on The Daily Telegraph’s website, it attracted a record number of hits. Having been caught manhandling doodle during drunken nights out with footballers at the Clovelly Hotel a couple of times in the past, we can thoroughly sympathise with Candice and we wish her all the best at the British life-saving championships. … they have life-saving competitions in Britain? Presumably they’re held in fish and chip shops, and involve the use of the Heimlich manoeuvre to dislodge rogue chunks of fried Mars Bars from the throats of pasty-faced Manchester United fans. More »

We Thought ‘Emo’ Had The Sooky Music Market Covered…

2:03PM Jess McGuire | Just when you assumed bands like Evanescence, 30 Seconds To Mars, Simple Plan and Dashboard Confessional were all that we needed to produce the world’s necessary quota of new sooky songs, thus allowing teens across the globe to have ‘tunes’ (we use the term loosely, obviously) they identify ever so strongly with on their MySpace profiles, there’s a new musical collective in town. Unlike the aforementioned bands though, this group of howling moaners sound vaguely entertaining. The Age reports… If you think the art world is populated by whingeing moaners, you’re absolutely correct. Today the Australian Centre for Contemporary Art plays host to the inaugural performance of the Melbourne Complaints Choir, the first of its kind in the southern hemisphere. Two dozen ordinary folk from all walks of life will gather to air their grievances in song. The list of gripes to be given the musical treatment range from the comic (”Why did McDonald’s have to pick my surname?”) to the tragic (”My children ruined my life”) to the downright bizarre (”My housemate’s boyfriend’s eyes are too close together”). This appears to be the most brilliant thing we’ve ever heard of. If it’s still possible to join, we’ve got a few catchy ditties of our own, like “Why did they take Big Brother Uncut away from us?” and “That was no short cut, Mister Cab Driver!”, we’d be happy to contribute. More »

Damien Leith Names His New Son

2:03PM Jess McGuire | Oh good, another slightly daft celebrity baby name to marvel over! Australian Idol winner and total badass rock god Damien Leith has announced the name he and wife Eileen have given their baby boy. Damien Leith and his wife Eileen Stapleton have welcomed the arrival of their second son, Jagger Ramone. Jagger, who is a little brother for Jarvis (are we sensing a musical theme here?) was born in Sydney on Wednesday, with his parents proudly attributing two iconic bands – the Rolling Stones and the Ramones – for their son’s distinctive name. The ‘Ramone’ bit? Named after the Ramones? Well, we never. As for Jagger, it’s all very rock and roll to be sure (to be sure, to be sure), but we’re not sure we’d want our bub sharing a name with Scott Stapp from Creed’s son. More »