Prepare For Global Mourning.

It is with tears welling in our eyes and an unshakeable feeling of “Goddamit! If those two crazy kids can’t make it in this mixed up world, what hope is there for the rest of us?” that Defamer Australia, in between shaking our fist at the sky and cursing Cupid, bring you the news that John Mayer and Jessica Simpson have apparently decided to call it quits.

“They officially called it quits this past weekend,” a source told the site. “They’d been having problems for a while now and just decided it’d be better to end things.”

Just a few days ago, Simpson’s father was praising Mayer in the press.

And if you can’t make love work with World’s Creepiest Dad, the cans-obsessed Joe Simpson, on your side, then we’re all fucked. In any case, the split means no more beautiful moments between the couple as captured in the below video.

Where did it all go wrong? Possibly at the following point…

Despite being “irresistible,” the busty blonde-turned-brunette suffers from some insecurities, even when it comes to her sister Ashlee, a pal dished.

The source splurged that John recently saw a picture of Ashlee and asked how old “Jessica” was when it was taken.

“He definitely touched a nerve,” added the insider.

Never. Get. The. Horn. For. The. Little. Sister.

In memory of the love that dare not last twelve months, we offer up a YouTube fan-created tribute to their romance. Remember the planned meetings with paparazzi! And most of all, never forget the continual evolution of their hairstyles.

Vale!