Jane Fonda To Discover She’s The Only One Lindsay Lohan Can Count On

On today’s Martha Stewart Show, unstoppable party juggernaut Lindsay Lohan – who could not even be slowed by a pricey, totally unnecessary outpatient rehab program – finally lets her defences down (once Martha gets you into her kitchen and has you whipping up profiteroles, you’re fucking toast) and reveals the one person who could possibly end her reign of clubbing terror: Georgia Rule co-star Jane Fonda. As reassuring as it is to discover that there’s at least one authority figure the troubled actress might actually listen to, we fear that new ET correspondent Dina Lohan might be so deeply hurt that she might use her next Rule assignment to hunt down Fonda for an ugly confrontation, grabbing a fistful of the older actress’s hair and screaming, “So, now you’re trying to steal my meal ticket, you commie bitch? Don’t fuck with a mom from Strong Island with nothing to lose!,” a tussle during which a peacemaking Cojo tragically loses an eye to Dina’s wildly flailing fingernails.

• The Martha Stewart Show [MarthaStewart.com]